Summergold
by bobbieyoung
Summary: A group of friends where two of them suddenly develop something more. Re-upload.
1. Part I

**This is an old story and I won't find the time to go over it for many corrections but there have been requests to reupload so here it is :) **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

With a bottle of red wine in my left hand and sixpack of Coke in my right I stumble back into the living room.

"Goddamned Berry! How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your dog's toys everywhere whenever we come over! People might fall and break their necks!" I shout and kick away the silly toy that makes a squeaking noise. Two seconds later Rachel's Jack Russel terrier comes running from around a corner and attacks the toy.

"Santana you're my guest. So shut up." Rachel counters without looking up from the TV. "If you don't like our place then don't come over."

"But one of my best friends happens to be your roommate and since Quinn and I live on campus we don't really have a choice but to come here if we all want to hang out together." I reply and look at Brittany and Quinn for some support.

Quinn is sitting in a big chair and chuckles. "No comment" She says, then takes the bottle of wine from me.

"Thanks a lot." I mumble and walk around the coffee table to sit down next to Brittany. "Don't you think Ryan's toys are annoying, Britt?" I want to know. I pour myself a glass of coke. "Who names their dog _Ryan_ anyway? That's a boy's name."

Rachel clicks her tongue and shoots an angry look at me. Ooh now I'm scared.

Brittany shrugs. She holds her own glass in front of me to signalize she wants some, too.

"I've gotten used to it. And I love the dog so what can I say?" Brittany speaks before taking a few sips.

"I kind of like the dog, too but I still don't want to fall and break a leg or something because of it."

"You know what, Santana?" Rachel interrupts and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "I'm tired of you grouching about stuff all the time. I guess you and I will never get along too well but can't we just be civil with each other?"

I give Rachel a funny look.

"Civil? But I am being civil. I just don't want to die because of your stupid dog."

"You just said that you like him!"

"Oh my God stop bickering at each other, you're being ridiculous!" Quinn stops us and throws her hands in the air. "Rachel, maybe you could put the toys away whenever you guys have guests over because I actually have stumbled across them several times, too. Santana, maybe you could just stop being a bitch to Rachel and pretend to like her. I would appreciate it if we could watch the movie without you guys talking all the time. Am I right, Britt?"

Brittany wants to say something but out of nowhere Ryan jumps onto the couch. He throws his toy (which is covered in saliva) into Brittany's lap.

"Ugh you've got to be kidding me." I groan. Rachel's snicker makes me want to get up and shake her.

Why does she have to be Brittany's roommate? Or why am I friends with the roommate of this annoying girl?

I grab the slippery toy and throw it away so Ryan will get off me. I lied when I said that I kind of like him. He's a dog who wants to play 24 hours a day, seven days a week. My plan adds up. He jumps down to get the red ball I just threw away.

When I look into Brittany's face, I can see that her cheeks are deep red and that she's trying to avoid my eyes.

Oops. Did I just graze her chest when I reached for the toy? I must have. Otherwise Brittany's face wouldn't glow like Christmas lights.

"Sorr-" I want to apologize but Ryan is already back to throw the toy at Brittany's feet.

"Does anyone want some more Coke? I'll go get another bottle." Brittany speaks up. She clears her throat before getting up on her feet. Then she walks into the coffee table but pretends it didn't happen.

"But Santana just got one…" Quinn trails off when she sees how Brittany makes quick steps across the living room to get to the kitchen. Quinn throws a questioning look at me but I just shrug.

When Brittany comes back and takes a seat on the couch, there is a remarkable gap between us that wasn't there before. The rest of the movie all four of us watch while being _civil _with each other.

* * *

It's already late at night when Quinn and I grab our stuff to get back to our dorm at college.

"Thanks for the dinner, Brittany. It was as delicious as always." Quinn says before taking Brittany in for a hug.

"You're welcome. Hey, I was actually wondering if you guys want to come to the restaurant on Sunday? Kurt and I plan to include some new meals on the menu and we need opinions. Are you interested to test the meals?" Brittany asks. She looks at Rachel, Quinn and me.

"I'm in. I'll never say no to free meals by Brittany Pierce!" Rachel squeals excitedly. Also Quinn lets Brittany know that she'd be honored to try out their new meals and when three pairs of eyes land on me, I scratch my forehead.

"Sunday? Uh… actually I have plans. I'm meeting Kendra to… study together."

Quinn rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"You mean study naked in bed?" She teases. I hit her arm to make her shut up.

"Leave me alone, Quinn. You're just jealous because it's been about a hundred years that you last got laid." Quinn looks offended but I don't care.

The expression on Brittany's face distracts me anyway. She's biting on her lip and when our eyes meet for a short second, I think to see some sort of regret.

"But maybe you could save the leftovers? I could come over for lunch on Monday. You know how much I hate the cafeteria food." I try to joke but Brittany only gives me a weak smile in return.

"Yeah I know. I'll make sure to put some in the fridge for you."

"Awesome. Thanks". I look at Quinn awkwardly because I don't know what else to say. I somehow feel bad for not making it to Brittany's test dinner. Why did I tell everyone I was going to see Kendra? We both just want some fun in bed but now I feel weird that my friends will be eating a delicious dinner and know that I'm getting laid at the very same time.

"Good night everyone. I need to get into bed because I'll have to get up early and open up the shop. Mike is still on vacation so I'm in charge."

I wonder how the shop works without Mike. He's the hairstylist and Rachel takes care of everything else such as phone calls, appointments and all the other administrative stuff. Seriously how does it work? Does Rachel cut the customer's hair? I really wouldn't try that…

We all say goodbye to each other then. I'm a little surprised that Brittany doesn't lean in for a quick hug goodbye. We all always do that. Except for Rachel, I don't hug her.

"Do you think Brittany acted a little weird tonight?" I ask Quinn once we're walking on the sidewalk on our way back to college.

"Uh… I don't know. Do you?"

"I don't know… usually she just laughs a whole lot more and she didn't hug me when we said goodbye. Not that I'm one of those people who need to hug everyone all the time. Actually I think it's kind of unnecessary to hug your friends every single time you see them because what's the point? Do you hug to remind each other you like each other so much? That's so pseudo…"

"But you obviously do care about hugging Brittany."

"No, I don't."

"Then why are you wondering why she didn't hug you? Maybe she just forgot."

"She _forgot_? But I was standing right there!"

"Gee Santana, just forget about it, ok? If you want a hug so desperately just ask Kendra…" Quinn mumbles the last part.

"What was that?" I want to know and make Quinn stop by grabbing her arm.

"Nothing?"

She keeps walking but with quick steps I catch up with her.

"Look I know you guys don't like Kendra that much. But she's actually a nice girl."

Quinn rolls her eyes when holding up the door of the main entrance once we've reached campus.

"It's not that we don't like Kendra. But we all know that she's just your fuckbuddy and some of us are not interested in hearing about it."

I throw a confused look at Quinn because I don't understand.

"What do you mean? You're the one who tells me that I can talk to you about love stuff all the time."

"Love stuff?" Quinn repeats mockingly. "Kendra? Please."

"Ok maybe that's not exactly love stuff but that wasn't my point. Why can't I talk to you about Kendra?"

Quinn stops to give me a pointed look.

"You can talk to me about Kendra or whoever you like. I didn't mean myself when I said that some of us don't want to hear about your sex life."

"Then who are you talking about?"

"Seriously? You have to ask?"

"Huh?"

"Are you playing dumb or are you seriously that blind?"

"Quinn, what's going on?" I'm getting impatient but I have no clue what she means.

"You know what, forget about it. I'm really tired."

I follow her into our room. I can't believe she's ending the conversation here.

"Goodnight" She mumbles and disappears behind her bedroom door.

Thirty minutes later I'm lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. Why was Quinn so annoyed? And what did she mean when she said those things? Do they have something to do with Brittany acting weird?

I toss and turn but tonight it's hard to find sleep.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Sometimes I don't know why I chose to study law. I'm bored to death in this lecture. I can't believe it's only been seven minutes when I take another look at my watch. Quinn is sitting next to me scribbling down notes like crazy while I have drifted off with my thoughts long ago.

Sometimes I envy Rachel although I would never admit it in front of my friends. I'm not jealous of her job at Mike's hair salon but I envy her for the passion she has to fight for her dream. She wants to become a famous singer and do musicals on Broadway. I wish I had a dream like that.

Well… it sort of _has been_ my dream to sing. Nobody knows and Rachel would probably make fun of me. She has a stunning voice and I guess she'll make it one day. Hell, she's freakin' born to sing and perform. I have seen her several times because Quinn and Brittany drag me to her plays in small theaters all the time.

I'll never tell it to Rachel's face but I love watching her perform. She's simply good at it! But it doesn't change the fact that she annoys the crap out of me whenever she's not on stage. If we got along better then I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about since we both love to sing. But I can't talk to her as she drives me insane with her hyperactivity and optimism. Still I wish there was someone to share this dream to sing.

Quinn couldn't relate. Becoming a lawyer has been her goal ever since she was a teenager. Kurt is a good friend but he lives for his restaurant that he took over from his dad. I like Mike but we never talk about personal stuff.

Maybe Brittany would understand… she works at Kurt's restaurant and is a passionate and brilliant cook. But she also loves to dance. I remember one night where she, Quinn, Berry and I went to this club and Brittany spontanuously danced on a small stage like a freaking rock star. She was so good at it. None of us could take their eyes off her. At least I couldn't.

Later I'll meet her for lunch as I promised because yesterday the others went to her restaurant and tested new meals. I kind of felt bad for not being there but what can I say? Kendra's got a single room at college and she's freaking hot. I got to know her during a party and for the past three months we've been hooking up. After getting out of a crappy relationship during my second year at college, it's just nice to do something that's not complicated.

But I still have a bad conscience because I know that our opinion about her cooking means a lot to Brittany. She makes a living out of it after all and I didn't show up because I wanted to get laid. That's kinda crappy if I think about it…

She's been a good friend for quite a long time now. When Quinn and I got to New Haven and into college we had heard of this amazing restaurant called "Hummel". The name sounded funny so we went to try it out. The food blew our mind and we were able to afford it as students. Soon we became friends with the owner Kurt Hummel and his partner Brittany Pierce and then Rachel was there, too because she's Brittany's roommate and then Mike came into the picture because he works with Rachel and so on… we've all been good friends ever since. I love all of them. Except Rachel, I don't love her.

But today it'll be just me and Brittany for lunch and I don't know what to think about it. Usually we get along really well. She's funny and smart and we like the same music, movies, TV shows and sometimes we go for a run together. We can talk about personal stuff easily. For example was she there for me when my ex-girlfriend Danielle broke up with me and I was there for her when her dog suffered from cancer and they needed to put him down. We know a lot about each other. I like having her as a friend.

But lately I've been getting the impression that something's a little weird between us. She gives only short answers whenever I ask her stuff and she never texts me anymore. A couple months ago we texted all the time just to ask what's going on and if the other is up for a drink or something. Now she hardly answers anymore when I write her a message…

I know she has to work a lot for the restaurant because two of their waiters quit almost at the same time. Now Kurt and Brittany have to serve the guests next to cooking in the kitchen. Or maybe she has a boyfriend that keeps her busy? She hasn't been with anyone in quite a while - it would explain why she didn't want to go to the movies with me a couple days ago…

But then why hasn't she told us about it? Does Quinn know something? The way Quinn snapped at me after we came home from Rachel's place was really weird. I feel like Brittany is trying to hide something from me and that Quinn knows what's going on. Maybe Brittany's dating someone and she's afraid I won't like them?

Quinn said something about how not everyone wants to hear about my sex life. I was like: does Quinn have a crush on me or what? But then she said it's not about her and I was like: does _Brittany_ have a crush on me? But that's not quite possible because she's straight and well… we're good friends so it would be a little weird, right?

I'm not sure what is up. Maybe I can try to find out when I get to see Brittany today.

The professor just asked a question and she's eyeing me weirdly. I totally just zoned out. Did she call my name?

"San…" Quinn whispers and kicks my shin under the table. The professor totally called my name but I have no idea what I'm supposed to answer.

"Ms. Lopez I suggest you focus your attention to the content of this lecture instead of staring a whole into the air. Be prepared next time. Ms. Fabray will you answer the question instead?" I roll my eyes at the professor and listen to the correct answer Quinn gives. I hate this class!

How can anyone find it exciting or interesting? Seriously, it's so bad… unfortunately it looks like I'm the only one who thinks like that because everyone else is writing down notes or looking at the professor with big eyes. Meanwhile I take another look at my watch. Twenty-eight more minutes. Then I'm out of here.

* * *

"Oh my God… this chocolate cake has to be the best chocolate cake in the history of chocolate cakes." I sigh and swallow another bite of Brittany's newest creation. It melts on my tongue. It's so perfect that I want to eat it forever.

After a brilliant appetizer, a delicious pumpkin soup and a plate of pasta we have now reached dessert. Once more Brittany has outdone herself.

She's sitting opposite me at one of the small tables in her restaurant and has been scribbling down my comments while chewing on a piece of carrot. There are no other guests here at the moment, so it's just me and Brittany in the small and cozy restaurant. She looks up from her notebook and shrugs.

"There is nothing negative you said." She mumbles. I wonder if this is a bad thing.

"Huh?"

"I mean… you didn't give me any negative feedback."

"Because there is none!" I exclaim and point to the cake in front of me. "This is like heaven! The whole meal was so good and if I had a bigger stomach, I'd order three more plates of everything. It's so good."

A shy smile forms on Brittany's lips. She puts a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You really think so?"

I bob my head and take another big bite of the cake to make my point.

"Your cooking is the best I've ever tasted, Britt." I munch. It's nothing but the truth. "You're amazing."

Suddenly her cheeks look a little redder than before and I wonder if I said something wrong.

"Well… thanks. I- I'm glad you like it. Glad you like the food." She stammers. I can't help the grin on my face.

"You alright?" I ask but Brittany just nods wordlessly before getting up.

"I have to get back to the kitchen now. Kurt will be here soon and it still looks so messy in there. I guess I'll see you next weekend. Quinn said something about going out dancing all together-"

"Whoa, hey wait. Hang on a sec." I reach out and hold Brittany back by her wrist. She was just about to walk away. That's so weird. We were in the middle of talking and I haven't even finished my cake. "I know Kurt doesn't care about how messy it looks inside the kitchen as long as delicious food comes out of it. Can't you stay a little longer? I feel like we haven't really spent time together lately or talked about stuff. You always… leave."

Brittany pulls her hand back and gives me a quick look.

"There's… there's just a lot to do for the restaurant lately." She says with a low voice. Bullshit…

"Britt, what's going on? I know work is stressful but there has to be something else. Actually I wanted to ask you for a while now but I didn't really know how. Why are you avoiding me?"

Brittany's eyes widen. She throws a look over her shoulder. I can tell she is so uncomfortable. What did I do? I feel horrible.

"You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right? We've been friends for almost three years. Did something happen? Are you avoiding me because of something I did? Is there a new boyfriend and you're afraid to tell me because he's a jerk? Please, Britt… I hate that you're not talking to me."

Brittany just stands there next to the table and looks at me all lost and insecure.

"I just… no, there's no boyfriend." She mumbles, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean to confuse you. I'm alright. It's really the restaurant that's been keeping me occupied."

I still don't know whether I should believe her or not but she clearly doesn't want to discuss this now.

"So you and I, we're good?" I want to know and bore my eyes into Brittany's. Why is she having a hard time looking into my eyes?

"Mhm, yeah. Everything's fine. But I have to go back now. See you around."

Before I can say anything else Brittany has turned around. She's walks across the restaurant and disappears into the kitchen.

"Weird…" I mumble and let out a deep sigh. I look at the remaining piece of cake in front of me but now I don't even feel like eating it anymore.

* * *

Thank God it's Friday… this week could not have passed any slower. Some of the classes were that boring that it made me aggressive. Sometimes Quinn, Brittany and I take fit-boxing classes together. It always helps to get rid of my frustration but this week Quinn was too busy with studying (I guess I should have been, too) and Brittany once again did not answer my calls.

'Everythings' fine', my ass… why did she say that when I was at her restaurant? It's obviously not fine! But ok, if she doesn't want to talk about it – her loss. Let her be childish. I'll just forget about it and focus on our girls night out.

But it's hard to forget about it while the four of us are standing in line to get into our favorite club. I keep throwing glances at Brittany who's standing in front of me and talking to Quinn. It's loud outside. I can't hear what they're talking about.

These two… I can't help but feel slightly jealous whenever the four of us go out and they are attached to the hips. It leaves me and Berry but what do I want with Berry? She's standing next to me wordlessly, just observing the people standing in line. At least she's not trying to make conversation. She used to ask so many questions when we got to know each other but now she knows I prefer no small talk.

"I love Brittany's dress." She speaks up just when I thought we didn't do small talk anymore. I follow Rachel's line of sight and I have to agree.

Brittany's wearing a tight dress that hugs her curves perfectly. Her hair looks naturally wavy.

"Yup" I reply and hope that Rachel's done talking to me for the night.

A minute later it's finally time to get inside and excitement fills me up once we enter the huge dance club. We should come here way more often. It's a classy club where you can dance, have a couple drinks and just talk, play pool upstairs and get some fresh air outside.

Soon we find ourselves dancing in the crowd with a nice drink in our hands that some guys wanted to buy us as soon as they saw us approaching the bar. With a lovely smile and a 'thank you boys' we accepted and made our way to the dance floor. Quinn is eyeing a guy who is standing at the bar and who also paid for the drinks. She nudges Brittany's shoulder and points towards him.

"He's totally checking you out, Britt!" She shouts. I watch how Brittany turns around to have a look at the blonde haired guy with a ridiculous large mouth.

"I think he introduced himself as Sam!" Rachel yells and grins widely. "Why don't you go talk to him?"

But Brittany just shakes her head with a smile and keeps doing her dance moves that makes the three of us pale in comparison.

* * *

It's further into the night when I find myself sitting at the bar talking to this Sam guy. I needed a break from dancing. Soon he came up to me. He asked me if my tall blonde friend was single and if I thought he'd stand a chance. I told him that I honestly don't know whether she is dating someone or not and that he should just go talk to her if he wanted to know whether he had a chance.

He seems a little shy but keeps asking me questions about the four of us being friends and Brittany's name and what we all do for a living. I tell him that Quinn and I study together and that Brittany owns a restaurant with a friend. I don't tell him which restaurant it is though because he doesn't need to know everything.

When I feel a hand on my shoulder I turn around to find Quinn standing right behind me followed by Brittany.

"We're so thirsty!" Quinn slurs and puts an arm around Brittany's shoulders.

Sam is happy to pay for drinks. Brittany gives him a warm smile when he hands her a beer.

"So Brittany… I hear you're a chef? That's so cool. What kind of food do you cook at your restaurant?" Sam wants to know. I feel two pairs of eyes on me.

Brittany's staring at me - I'm pretty sure she doesn't like the fact that I talked to Sam about her. Also Quinn eyes me weirdly.

"What? He asked me about you. He's a really nice guy, right Sam?" I wonder. The blonde guy nods with a huge grin.

"Yeah! You look really gorgeous when you're dancing by the way! Where did you learn how to dance like that?" He asks Brittany but she's still piercing her eyes into mine.

Oh God why is she giving me that look? It's not like I gave Sam her phone number or told him her address.

"I'm sorry, I have to use the bathroom." She excuses herself and gives Sam another small smile before walking away.

"What was that all about?" I ask Quinn but she just shakes her head.

"Why don't you go find out yourself?" She mumbles and sits down on a stool next to Sam.

"Okay. I have no idea what's going because nobody wants to tell me but fine… I'll go find her." I counter and grab my purse. I apologize to Sam and then make my way through the crowd to find Brittany but she's nowhere to be seen.

"Berry!" I shout when I see Rachel dancing with two guys at the same time. They are sandwiching her and she seems to be having a more than great time. Gross… "Have you seen Brittany?"

Rachel laughs when one of the guys kisses her hand. She just points towards the passage that leads to the part of the club that's outside.

"I think she wanted to get some fresh air! Don't worry, she'll be back in a minute." Rachel giggles but I have a weird feeling.

I walk away from Rachel to peek outside but there's no Brittany. I'm pretty sure she left so I follow my instincts and walk through the exit to get on the street.

"Brittany?" I yell but no one out here turns around. She's gone. Raindrops fall down on my head and shoulders when I step away from the club and into the dark. I didn't even know it had started to rain.

After making a few steps I spot her walking on the other side of the street.

"Brittany!"

As fast as I can I cross the street to catch up with her. When I'm only a few feet away she turns around. She looks so upset.

"Are you going home?" I want to know and try to suppress my heavy breathing. She was walking really fast.

"Yes" She hisses and wants to keep walking but I quickly make my way in front of her to stop her attempt.

"Wait! What's going on? Why did you just leave? Is it because I talked to Sam? Look, he seemed really nice and he wanted to know your name. He was into you and it's not like I gave him your phone number or anything. I'm sorry!"

Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest. Her blonde wet hair is falling over her shoulders. We've been outside just for a minute but the dresses are already sticking to our bodies. Weirdly I don't care that mine is ruined.

"You still shouldn't have told him. What if he's a creep?" She says eventually.

"Then you'll never see him again! He was just trying to flirt with you. He's… nothing."

Brittany knits her eyebrows together and looks at me intently.

"I just don't like it when you tell strangers my name or what I do for a living. He could have come and talk to me if he really wanted to know."

"That's what I tried to reach! I told him he should just go talk to you but then he was really shy and so I answered a few of his questions. Britt, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

My voice sounds desperate as I've never seen Brittany like this. I don't know why she's freaking out so much but I hate it. I didn't mean to upset her.

"If you want me to, I can go back and knock him out. I'm from Lima Heights, right? He won't remember a thing about tonight and who you are."

It looks like Brittany's about to laugh but she contains herself.

"Britt… I feel terrible. It's like I know I did something wrong but I'm not sure what it is. I miss you, you know? We used to hang out a lot more often and do silly stuff such as fitboxing and then go to McDonald's to get back all the calories we just burned. Why… why are you avoiding me? Is it because of Kendra? I'm sure you guys would like her if you got to know her better. I mean she's not my girlfriend or anything but maybe she will be one day. I want you to get along with her but… God, I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

The sight of Brittany breaks my heart while I'm talking. I don't know why. She looks miserable. Everything I say seems to be the wrong thing. She makes a step towards me and I'm already hoping she'll finally tell me what is up but then she lets her head hang down.

Raindrops are falling from her forehead. Suddenly I'm not sure if those aren't tears on her cheek.

"Britt…" I whisper and I'm successful because she looks up. My eyes widen when she steps even closer leaving our faces just a couple inches apart.

She closes her eyes and leans in. I'm too caught off guard to do something and so she kisses me. Her warm and wet lips press against mine. My heart stops beating for a second. A hand is on my cheek, a thumb strokes my skin gently.

A kiss?

I don't understand.

Before I know it it's over and Brittany lets her forehead rest against mine. When I open my eyes I realize that I had closed them before.

She parts her lips. A sorrowful breath leaves her mouth and hits mine. I feel her hand on my cheek and how it trembles ever so slightly.

"I _really_… don't like Kendra." She whispers. I swallow emptily.

I feel a lump in my throat. Of all the words I have learned in my life, I don't remember a single one.

Brittany pulls back. Our eyes meet for one single glance. She's heartbroken. I don't know why I know this but I just do. Her hand drops from my cheek and then she brushes against my side. I don't turn around and don't call her back. I'm not capable.

All I hear is the sound of her high heels meeting the pavement and how her steps become quicker when she's running away.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

I don't remember how I made the way back into the club. I was too busy trying to understand what just had happened. Quinn and Rachel are dancing with this Sam guy and they seem to be having lots of fun. Suddenly I don't feel like partying anymore.

I wanted to go after her, I really did. But Brittany's kiss completely caught me off guard. Knocked out…

What am I supposed to think now? Everything is spinning inside my head. She kissed me. Brittany kissed me and it was not just a simple and meaningless peck. She didn't kiss me to say goodbye or something. She _kissed_ me…

What's going on? She said she doesn't like Kendra? She was crying for Christ's sake! I made her cry by being so absolutely clueless. But I still don't understand.

Does she like me? Like… _like_ me?

What the hell, I don't understand! Why did she run away? I need to know why she kissed me and what it all means! You don't just kiss your friends like that.

Sometimes you kiss your friends when you say hello or goodbye. You'll probably kiss them on the cheek though. You kiss your friend on the lips when you're playing spin the bottle or when you want to practice for boys. Straight girls do that sometimes, right? I guess sometimes friends kiss when they're really, really close and they give pecks on the lips just because they like each other so much and because it's a sign of endearment or something.

But… but Brittany and I never kiss! We have never kissed before. We never ever kiss! She's not into girls. I remember clearly how she introduced me to that boyfriend pretty much at the beginning of our friendship. His name was Oliver and they had been all over each other all the time. Once they broke up Brittany went on a couple dates with other guys. I don't remember any other serious boyfriends though… But that doesn't explain the kiss!

Brittany? Seriously? She kisses me out of nowhere? Has she been avoiding me because she likes me more than just a friend? Holy crap, what am I supposed to do now?

I didn't manage to turn around and make her come back. I was paralyzed. Because it wasn't just a peck but a full-on mouth to mouth kiss. With tears and raindrops and everything…

"Oh my God I think she's high." I hear Rachel's voice from far away.

"I think she's just lost in thoughts. Santana!"

I snap back from my Brittany-thoughts and look at Quinn and Berry who are standing next to me. I must have been sitting at the bar for the past couple minutes without doing anything but staring.

"I'm sorry… was I zoned out? Were we talking?" I ask and scratch my forehead. I do feel a little high indeed. High on whatever dose Brittany gave me tonight.

I can't believe all this. Brittany likes me? _Me_?

"Are you alright? You look a little pale. Do you need a drink? Hey, where's Britt by the way?" Quinn babbles but I'm having trouble focusing.

"I'll go find her! That girl owes me a dance!" Rachel squeals. Honestly I don't care she'll be walking around the club unsuccessfully as Brittany is no longer here.

As soon as Rachel has gone, I grab Quinn's arm to pull her closer. There is no way I can just forget about this. I need to tell someone and hear an opinion. Maybe I'm freaking out. Maybe friends _do_ kiss each other all the time. Maybe everything is fine.

Quinn knits her eyebrows together and leans in.

"She kissed me." I whisper and hope that Quinn will have an explanation.

"Sorry, what?" She asks. I roll my eyes.

"She kissed me."

"Rachel kissed you?" Quinn wonders with a funny look on her face. "What's gotten into her?"

"No… Brittany. Brittany just kissed me when we were standing outside."

Quinn's eyes widen and her jaw drops. Quinn knows something. She totally knows what's going on!

"She… you mean she-"

"She kissed me, Quinn. And it was not just a funny peck. She was crying."

"Why? What happened?"

I raise my hands because that's what I'm trying to understand!

"She just did, ok? I ran after her because I wanted to apologize for talking to Sam about her and then I started talking about Kendra and that I want you guys to like her. I don't actually remember why I came up with Kendra but then Brittany just leans in and kisses me. She said she really doesn't like Kendra and I was like… what the fuck is happening?"

Quinn has been listening to me absorbing every piece of information.

"You said there were tears?" She wants to know. I wonder why that's important.

"Yes. Maybe it was also the rain but Quinn she looked so heartbroken. What did I do? Does she like me? Please if you know something, you have to tell me." I'm surprised about the pleading tone in my voice but I really need to know. Is this why Brittany has been acting so weird?

"I can't… you need to ask her." Quinn replies.

"But you know something?"

"Santana… I promised her I wouldn't talk to you about this. You should try to get to her. I think she'll tell you what's been going on."

"But… I can't wait, Quinn. This is driving me insane! I mean what would you do if Rachel kissed you out of the blue?"

Quinn shrugs and shakes her head.

"I would want to know why she did that and what it means."

"See? You and Brittany are my best friends. I don't want to hurt her. Just tell me if I'm right when I assume that she likes me more than a friend."

Quinn takes her time, then she looks at me with a bad conscience. I know she doesn't want to betray her friend and talk about secrets but I'm giving her my most desperate puppy look. It probably looks horrible. But it works and she nods softly. My heart skips a beat.

"What am I gonna do? Should I really talk to her?" I ask after a while. "What would we talk about?"

"I guess you could ask her about her feelings and for how long this has been going on." Quinn mumbles.

Feelings… fuck, I'm not very good at this.

"Maybe ask her why she kissed you first. That will lead into the deeper meaning behind it."

"Oh my God" I whine and let my hands run through my hair. "I don't think I want there to be a deeper meaning! You see… Brittany's one of my closest friends! I'm not sure if I can deal with this. What if I hurt her? What if we can't talk like friends anymore because it's totally weird between us? I… I don't want her to feel bad."

"Do _you_ like Brittany?" Quinn asks with a low voice. There's definitely hope in it.

"Quinn" I mumble and give her a look. "I have never thought of Brittany that way. Of course I like her. I love her. But... I also love you and I guess there are moments, like nanoseconds where I _like_ Rachel. You're all my friends. I don't know how to deal with this."

Quinn slowly nods. She looks defeated.

"I understand. This must be really awkward for you. But please talk to her. I know Brittany will want to explain. Give her a chance, ok? I think she's miserable."

My heart aches. My heart freaking aches at the thought of Brittany being miserable but I know Quinn is right. Brittany and I will have to talk about this in order to not lose our friendship.

"An hour ago our friendship was fine." I mumble desperately. I wonder if it will ever be the same.

"Was it really?" Quinn wants to know. I don't know what to say. I'm too overwhelmed…

* * *

With two cups of Starbucks coffee in my hands I'm walking in the streets. I'm walking as slow as possible. I don't want to go to the restaurant because I'm scared of what will happen. Brittany doesn't even know I'm on my way.

Did she sleep better last night than I did? I hardly slept because all I did was replaying that scene outside of the club. Brittany in her soaked dress and her wet hair. Her make-up all smeared and how she closes the gap between our lips. It felt… I don't know how it felt. It was so surreal.

I have kissed many girls before. Actually that's a lie. There were four. My ex-girlfriend Danielle, Kendra and then there was a girl I hooked up with once and another girl that I met during a college party. We talked all evening long and somehow we ended up making out because everybody was cheering for it. Later we continued in front of my room and we only stopped because Quinn came back from the party as well and interrupted us. The girl doesn't go here anymore but she sure was a good kisser.

Brittany was so different. It was just one kiss after all. But it was so… special. It happened out of the blue. It was the last thing I had expected at that moment. I've never been kissed like this before. Never…

And it was Brittany…

Britt-Britt…

Once I have reached the restaurant, there is no turning back. Maybe everything will be alright. True friends can work out anything, right?

"Hello?" I ask cautiously when I step inside. There is nobody to be seen. It's Saturday but at lunch time they usually don't have guests. They are famous for their great dinners and there is also a bar in the front part where you can get nice drinks. Kurt makes the best fruit cocktails…

I wonder if Brittany's even working today. Lately she's here all the time and I'm bit worried it's going to be too much soon. She should just take a day off sometime and lean back. How hard can it be to find a waitress? She's working way too hard… is that another side effect of what has been going on lately? Is she working so much to get distracted?

I approach the kitchen and peek through the small window in the swing door. An amused grin forms on my lips at what I get to see in there. Brittany's standing by the counter, cutting something that looks like salad. She's wearing a hairnet and an apron and while she's cutting, her body is moving to the music that's coming from an old radio standing in one of the shelves between pepper and salt.

Somehow she's always dancing.

I carefully open the door with the coffee in my hands but Brittany hasn't heard me, yet because of the music.

"Britt"

When I make a step into the kitchen Brittany turns around and drops the knife. I must have startled her because she looks shocked and surprised about the loud noise of the knife meeting the floor.

"Oh my!" She gasps and covers her chest with her hand. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry! Sorry I wasn't thinking. Did you cut yourself?"

Brittany looks down at her hand, then picks up the knife.

"No. I'm good."

There is quite a distance between us. When our eyes meet, I forget what I wanted to say.

"Are… are you looking for Kurt?"

I shake my head. Whenever I come here, I'm looking for her.

"No. I uh… I was in the neighborhood. I mean I was actually on my way home. Well back to college. And then I walked by Starbucks like every day and uh…" I look down at the two cappuccinos in my hands. They're only lukewarm now because I was walking that slowly. "I got you one, too."

I step towards her to put one of the cups down on the kitchen counter.

"Oh" Brittany breathes and takes the cup with an insecure look. "Thanks."

I nod and take an awkward sip of my coffee. Then I put it down because I didn't come here to drink coffee.

"Actually I… I was hoping we could uhm… talk."

Brittany bites on her bottom lip. She looks away. I can see the shame in her face.

"Right" She whispers and takes off her hairnet. Her hair falls back down. It almost looks like she's hiding behind it.

"Is it a bad time? I didn't know you were cooking. I thought I'd find you sitting at a table and scribbling down new recipes or something."

Brittany smiles faintly and shakes her head.

"I wanted to but somehow I couldn't really focus." She mumbles and leads the way out of the kitchen.

We sit down at the same table we always use whenever it's just the two of us. It's a small table for two in a corner. There is a palm tree right next to it. I gave her that palm tree… it was a gift from my grandpa because he thought I could take it to college and give my room a nice beach feeling. He's a little crazy sometimes.

I couldn't say no to the gift but it was way too big for a small college room. Nobody wanted a palm tree but then Brittany said I could put it into her restaurant. I love it because there's always a beach feeling whenever we're sitting at that table.

"Do you want something to drink?" She offers. I point to the coffee in our hands and let her know that I'm good.

I have no idea where to start. Do I start? Maybe I should just speak without thinking. Sometimes it helps.

"Brittany I-"

"About last night…" She interrupts. I'm kind of glad about it. Speaking without thinking is never a good idea. "I want you to know that I am really sorry."

She's staring at her cup and only looks up once to meet my glance.

"I don't know what I was thinking." She continues with a gentle shrug. "I didn't want to make you feel weird. I'm sure I did nevertheless."

I don't think I felt weird. I was just so surprised.

"It's ok. Don't worry." I reply. I'm already out of words.

"You probably wonder why though. Why I did that."

I nod and Brittany sighs softly. There's a tremble in her breath which makes me tremble, too.

"The truth is that I can't tell you why. I just know that I couldn't stop myself. Everything about that night had been weird. I kept thinking of work because Kurt was all by himself. Then there were these guys and-"

"And I told one of them your name and what you do."

"Yeah"

We look at each other for a couple seconds. I know that none of this answers the questions in my head. I need to ask her.

"Britt… that doesn't explain why you… kissed me and what you said about Kendra."

There's another pink shade creeping over Brittany's cheeks. I wish we didn't have to do this.

"U-huh"

"I just need to ask and I'm sorry if this sounds stupid but… are you attracted to me?" I didn't believe I would make it but now it's out there. I feel so silly. We're such good friends and now we're having such a hard time looking at each other.

"I mean" That question sounded horrible. Are you attracted to me? It sounds like I am so in love with myself. "I guess I'm trying to ask if you kissed me because you like me." There… that sounds a whole lot better. Or not but whatever. Focus.

Brittany hides her face in her hands and exhales a breath before shyly looking up at me.

"Yes"

It's a simple answer. A word I've heard thousands of times before. But today it takes the breath out of my lungs.

"But I thought you were straight." I croak and clutch the cup in my hands.

"I guess that's what I thought, too but… I have no idea what is happening with me. I've never liked another girl before. I don't even know who I am anymore. It's so confusing and the worst part is that I can't talk to my best friend about it."

"I thought Rachel was your best friend." That's not the point, I know it but Brittany plays along.

"She's my roommate. We get along well but we're not actually that close. Quinn is one of my best friends, too but somehow your friendship was always a little different."

I let my eyes wander over Brittany's face. There's so much worry and embarrassment. I don't want her to be embarrassed.

"Actually I told Quinn because I was so confused and needed someone to talk to and she was really understanding. But I wish I could talk to you about it because you know what it's like to like a girl but I can't talk to you because you're the one that I… well anyway. I just don't know what to do. I'm so sorry for doing this."

"Britt, come on." I try to calm her but my breath hitches in my throat when I see the glint in her eyes that lets me know she's close to tears. "You don't have to be sorry for this."

"But I'm mad at myself for what I did yesterday. I should have kept it to myself and eventually I would have gotten over it and we could still be friends now. But I had to go and ruin it. I couldn't stop myself when you started talking about Kendra."

"Brittany" I say determinedly and reach across the table to cup her hand with mine. I'm glad she doesn't pull back. "What are you saying we _could_ still be friends? We _are _friends! Nothing will change that! You didn't ruin anything."

Brittany's desperate eyes meet mine. I can't stand it. I can't stand seeing her like this.

"But how can you be around me and not feel weird? Every time you see me you'll remember how silly I acted and that I have these feelings for you. I always find myself looking at you and when you're close to me my heart is beating so fast. How can we still be normal friends?"

A tear is rolling down her cheek. I feel so helpless.

"Listen to me" I speak up after taking a couple breaths to think. "I promise you nothing could ever ruin our friendship because it means way too much to me."

I get up from my seat and walk around the table to kneel down next to Brittany's chair. My hand is still on top of hers and it feels so warm. "Come here" I whisper and pull her in.

Brittany falls around my neck. I hold her tight in my embrace. I mean it when I say that our friendship means so much to me. I'll try everything to save it.

Brittany's crying into my shoulder. I only remember one time I held her like this. It was when her dog died and her tears wouldn't stop flowing. I held her and soon she calmed down.

"It's gonna be ok, alright? We'll make it work somehow. Please don't worry about it, we can handle anything. I promise." I whisper into Brittany's ear. I feel how she nods against my cheek. My hands stroke over her back and I can't help it when I press a kiss to her head.

I don't know how things will be from now on. I really don't. I just know that Brittany means too much to me to run away from this.


	2. Part II

**Chapter 4**

"Oh my God, it hurts so much! I need a break!"

I stop running and turn around to see Quinn standing there with her hands pressed into her sides. She's panting like an animal.

"Fabray! No standing still! When was the last time you went running, huh?" Brittany shouts and runs towards Quinn. "Come on! We're almost back at the restaurant, you can't give up now!"

I laugh at Quinn's stamina and how her face is contorted with pain when Brittany drags her forward. It's been a while that the four of us did sports together, so this morning Rachel called us all at 9 and even though I was tired and wanted to stay in bed, I thought it was actually a good idea to meet up with them.

It's been over a week since Brittany's confession. We haven't seen each other ever since. I thought it was best to just give her some space and not pressure her with our friendship. Honestly it was weird to not see or hear from her. Somehow I couldn't stop thinking about everything. But it's not fair if I show up at the restaurant all the time and make Brittany feel uncomfortable.

I think Brittany is really having a hard time. I wish there was something I could do but I'm probably the last person Brittany wants to see for some distraction right now.

When we saw each other this morning she smiled at me. It was a little awkward at first. The four of us met in a nearby park and I was glad that Rachel was talking so much before we started running. For a few minutes Brittany and I were jogging next to each other because we automatically do stuff like that. We talked a bit about how my classes were going and about the new waitress in Brittany's restaurant but soon we didn't know what to talk about anymore. Usually we always know topics to discuss.

When our hands bumped together I felt it everywhere. I don't know why but I guess it's because I am now so much more aware of what Brittany does and how we're acting around each other. Luckily Quinn came to our rescue and started talking about how her sister is thinking about competing at a beauty contest.

After running for forty-five minutes we reach the Hummel restaurant. We all collapse into chairs by one of the tables outside.

"I can't believe you made me run this fast, Rachel!" Quinn gasps while taking off her sweater. "Were you trying to kill me?"

"No, Quinn but I wanted to show you that you need to do more sports next to studying. What happened to those fitboxing lessons you guys used to take? You can't study day and night. You need to do stuff like this to balance your inner spirit. Trust me, you'll do so much better on your exams if you do sports on a regular basis." Rachel babbles. I roll my eyes. Does she ever get tired?

There's not one single droplet of sweat on her forehead. She looks like somebody carried her those few miles we just ran. I don't know how she does it. Working at Mike's hair salon, going on auditions, doing sports, going out… she's a freaking energy bomb.

"I'll go get us something to drink from the kitchen, ok? What would you like?" Brittany speaks up. Her hair is up in a bun and she's sweating just like me because we raced each other the last couple meters. She won…

"Water for all of us, please. It's the only true thirst quencher. Maybe you could add a slice of lemon?" Rachel orders before I can open my mouth and ask for a coke. "You know what, I'll help you carry it outside." Rachel goes on and follows Brittany inside the restaurant.

Quinn is sitting opposite me and she lets her hands run through her damp hair.

"These are the moments where I wish I didn't know Rachel." She mumbles still trying to control her breathing. "Why did I say yes to this? It is way too early to go running. Can we please go without Rachel next time? At a decent time of day?"

I chuckle and bob my head because I'd much prefer it, too. Quinn throws a look over her shoulder to make sure the others aren't back, yet. Then she leans a little closer.

"How are things going with you and Britt?" She asks. It confirms my suspicion that Brittany talked to Quinn about how she confessed her feelings to me. "I came here the other day and she told me that you guys had a talk and that things are kind of open now."

"Open? I don't even know what that means. This morning was the first time I have seen her since we talked. I have no idea how to define our relationship at the moment. I promised her that this wouldn't affect our friendship but it's already not the same anymore. Did you see how uncomfortable she was while we were running in the park?"

"Yeah… but maybe it wasn't discomfort. I think she just doesn't know how to behave around you at the moment." Quinn states.

I sigh and lean back in my chair.

"I kind of can't stop thinking about it, you know? Like I know Brittany has feelings for me and I keep wondering when it all started and why. She's also good friends with you and Rachel, so why me? Is it maybe because she knows I'm gay and she has seen me in a relationship with another girl? Is it just a crush that will go away or is it more? I wish I could do something."

"Santana… you're thinking way too much. I don't think there's much you can do. Show her that you're still her friend. She'll have to find a way how to deal with this. It might sound hard but Brittany is way stronger than we think."

The way Quinn says it makes it sound even worse. I never meant to make Brittany go through this.

Quinn stopps talking just in time because Brittany and Rachel are approaching our table with water and some healthy fruit snacks.

"Guys, Brittany and I were talking about this new comedy with Meryl Streep while we were in the kitchen. How about we go watch it all together tonight? It's been ages that we went to the movies! We could ask Mike and Kurt to join us!" Rachel looks at us expectantly. When my eyes meet Brittany's, I wonder if Rachel knows.

They are roommates after all.

"I wish I could but I'm meeting my sister tonight. I really need to talk to her about this beauty contest. I mean… is she serious?" Quinn goes first.

Rachel looks disappointed but nods understandingly.

"What about you Santana?" She wants to know and again I find Brittany's gaze. It's not helping if we're avoiding each other, right? Maybe we should just try to spend time with each other and see how it goes. We're still friends and friends go see movies together.

"Sure, sounds good. What time shall I be there?"

"Seven thirty. Afterwards you can all come to our place and we'll have some drinks and a good time before weekend is over and we all have to get back to work or studies. How does that sound?" Rachels enthusiasm is always there.

Brittany smiles at the brunette. I mumble _'awesome idea_' while I'm not so sure if it's really an awesome idea. But I said to myself that I wouldn't run away from this because Brittany's friendship means a lot to me. We will somehow find a way.

* * *

It's a couple hours later when I find myself laughing so hard at a funny scene of the movie. It was indeed a good idea to go watch this movie because I'm actually sitting next to Brittany and it feels normal.

We even share the popcorn. So far there has been no awkward touching while reaching for it at the same time. She's laughing, too and when I turn my head to the side it is really good to see her like this. I miss having fun with her. Somehow she can make me laugh harder than all my other friends whenever we're together.

"Are you having a good time?" I whisper between giggles. Brittany nods with a light chuckle.

"Yeah. This movie is so good. I already thought so when I saw the trailer but this is even better than I thought."

I grin at her and we both turn back to look at the big screen. Maybe I shouldn't think about it so much just like Quinn said.

Once the movie is over the five of us make our way back to Brittany's and Rachel's place. Kurt is walking next to me on the sidewalk and telling me about how he had a blind date the other day and that he's pretty sure he met his future husband.

"He's a football player but he's out and proud and he already invited me to his next game." I'm listening with great interest because Kurt is the only one of my close friends who's gay, too. No matter how accepting Quinn and my other friends are of my sexuality, Kurt understands me on a different level and vice versa.

"But enough about me. How's it going with Kendra? Are you guys ever going to get serious or will it stay strictly physical?" He wants to know. My eyes shoot to the people walking in front of us.

Brittany is talking animatedly to Mike and Rachel about something. I don't think she can hear us.

"Uh… nope, nothing serious. Actually she kind of asked me out for drinks tonight but I already had plans with you guys so… maybe tomorrow, I don't know."

"So it _might_ turn into something serious? Because you don't go out for drinks with the person you just want to have sex with." Kurt says with a wink. I don't know what to think about it.

I was a little surprised, too when Kendra suggested we go out to a bar or something because we never do that. Honestly I don't have the slightest romantic feelings for her.

"Yeah but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with her. We always just spend time in her room and afterwards I leave. I have no idea what she's like to date."

"Time to find out then. Unless there is someone else?"

I laugh awkwardly because I don't know why I'm staring at Brittany's back at that question.

"No no, there's no one else. Maybe I'll go out with Kendra and then I'll see if there might be more or not. I'll keep you up to date, ok?"

Kurt seems satisfied with my answer and puts an arm around my shoulders for the rest of the walk.

* * *

"Holy crap Rach, what's in this cocktail?" Mike asks. He pulls a face after taking a big sip of his glass.

The five of us are sitting in Rachel's living room and I'm already feeling so tipsy. I don't know if it's such a good idea to get drunk on a Sunday evening because tomorrow I'll have classes early in the morning but we're all having so much fun tonight.

"That shall be my s-ssecret, Michael Chang!" Rachel slurs and laughs loudly when she spills some of her own drink.

"It's Mike, not Michael." Mike corrects her with a tired smile but Rachel isn't listening anymore.

"Brittany!" She yells and points at the blonde who's sitting in one of the big chairs and chewing on a straw. "You should dance! Come one, there's plenty of room in this living room. I know it's your favorite song playing on the radio right now."

But Brittany shakes her head with a grin and empties her glass. She doesn't look quite so sober anymore, either.

"But I want to see somebody dance! Mike, how about you?" Rachel suggests.

"Sorry Berry but this cocktail is way too strong. I'd embarrass myself if I danced in front of you now." He counters. My eyes fall back on Rachel who gets up from the couch and puts down her glass.

"Ok, you guys are basically forcing me to do it then." She babbles and stumbles to middle of the living room. Everyone's staring at her when she starts dancing like a bee on drugs.

I don't even know what a bee looks like when it's on drugs but that's what I imagine it to look like. It's ridiculous.

Did I just compare Berry to a bee on drugs in my head? Jesus this cocktail is really strong.

Brittany snorts with laughter when she watches Rachel's dance moves. I must say I would have absolutely preferred to see her dancing instead of Berry. She's so much better at it.

Once the song is over Rachel hides her face in her hands and groans.

"Oh wow I'm so drunk. Everything's spinning… guys!" I startle when Rachel raises her voice. "I'm going to bed now. It was really nice dancing with you though."

We all mumble a "bye" when Rachel starts walking to her bedroom. But then she turns around once more and I watch how she approaches Mike and kisses him on the forehead to wish him goodnight. She does the same to Kurt and Brittany and when she stumbles towards me I quickly get up from my chair to make my way into the kitchen. Rachel's so not going to kiss me.

* * *

I pour myself a glass of water from the tap. It tastes so good compared to whatever brew Rachel used to get us drunk in no time. I really should go to bed, too because I feel like I'm swaying back and forth.

I don't know how much time I spent in the kitchen but when I return to the living room, Mike and Kurt are gone and Brittany's cleaning up the mess they left behind. There are crumbs everywhere on the couch. It looks like something exploded in here.

"Where did everybody go?" I ask incredulous. I can't possibly leave now and make Brittany clean it all up by herself.

"Rachel went to bed after she basically made out with everyone of us and then Kurt and Mike said goodnight, as well. I'm glad I only had one of those cocktails. Still feel tipsy though." She mumbles when she puts the carpet back in place that Rachel moved out of place while dancing.

"Let me help you." I offer and start picking up some empty bags of chips.

We silently clean up the living room. After only two minutes it looks as tidy as never before.

"Thanks" Brittany says with a smile when we step into the kitchen to put away the cocktail glasses we used. "Next time I'll make sure the boys help cleaning up before they leave."

"I didn't mind helping you." I mumble and watch how Brittany puts the glasses into the dishwasher. Maybe it's the alcohol that's gotten to my head but I feel a sudden urge to hug Brittany.

We had so much fun today. It felt like we were completely being ourselves. I really missed her in the past two months where she tried to avoid me…

"Hey you know how Rachel always hugs and kisses everyone? Whenever she says goodbye to people she hugs them like she might never see them again and what was that before in the living room? She kissed all of you on the forehead!" I say and laugh at how drunk Rachel must have been.

"Yeah she's definitely a person who likes to give away hugs." Brittany replies with a smirk over her shoulder.

"But like… what's the point of hugging all the time, right?" I go on and remember that I had the same conversation with Quinn not too long ago. "It's not that I don't like it but if you hug each other all the time then it's nothing special anymore. Don't you think?"

Brittany's still standing there with her back towards me but I can hear a soft chuckle.

"I don't know. I think it's kind of sweet. I mean better a hug than a smack in the face, right?"

I burst into laughter at the thought of hitting your friends in the face every time you say goodbye. It's true… hugging is so much better.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But anyway I was just wondering when was the last time you hugged me?" I don't know why I'm asking her this. I don't even know what I'm about to do.

Brittany turns around and knits her eyebrows together in slight confusion.

"What do you mean?" She asks with a low voice.

"I mean… we always hug each other to say goodbye and stuff but you haven't hugged me since that night, you know?"

Brittany seems to be thinking. I still don't know why I'm telling her this.

"What night?" She wants to know. It causes me to laugh awkwardly. Somehow I feel weird that I remember it and Brittany doesn't. I'm clearly making a big deal of something that's not.

"Uhm… last time the four of us girls were here to watch a movie. It… it was the night before the others came to test some of your new meals. And uh… I noticed that you hugged everyone except for me and it was totally weird because we always hug and then you didn't hug me." The longer I'm speaking the more embarrassed I feel.

I must sound like a creep for remembering exactly who hugged who and why do I even bother?

Brittany's soft laugh interrupts my thoughts. Maybe it's the light but it think she's blushing a little bit.

"Well… it's kind of been weird for me to hug you lately." She mumbles. "No, don't get me wrong, it's not because of _you_ but… actually it is but it's not your fault. It's just because I… well… come on, you know why, right?" There's a pleading tone in her voice and yes – of course I know why.

"I'm sorry" Is the only thing that comes to my mind at this point. Brittany shrugs and turns away to finish the dishes.

I'm standing there with my back against the cold wall and watch how she bends down to get dishwashing liquid from a cupboard and how she fills it into the dishwasher. The words are leaving my mouth before I can properly think.

"I'm not even sure if I remember what it feels like to hug you."

Slowly Brittany turns around. She gazes at me for a couple wordless seconds. The truth is: I do remember what it feels like to hug her. We hugged last week when I went to Brittany's restaurant and she told me about her feelings. I hugged her and she cried softly while holding on tightly.

But it was a sad hug. I wish I could give her a happy hug.

"What? You don't remember?" Brittany asks with a hint of amusement in her voice.

I shrug and watch how Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest. Almost like she's hugging herself.

"And now you want me to hug you so you'll know what it's like?" She wonders. I can't help but laugh at how silly that sounds. Am I being unfair? Asking for a hug by someone who likes me more than just a friend?

"Ok, come on. Let's hug it out." Brittany states and takes the decision from me. It kind of makes me feel better.

She makes a step towards me and opens her arms with a smirk. Maybe this will prove that we're still the same, so I close the distance and wrap my arms around her middle.

I didn't know I was holding a breath until it escapes my lips as soon as Brittany's arms settle around my neck. It only takes me a second to know that it's not the same anymore.

I breathe in the scent of her skin and my lips land on her neck because she's a little taller. It kind of wasn't planned.

It's not the same anymore. My heart's never throbbed noticeably before. My heart is throbbing and it wouldn't surprise me if Brittany could feel it against her own chest.

"Do you remember now?" Brittany's voice sounds close to my ear.

I hum a "yes" before we loosen our embrace and stand in front of each other. I feel a little numb.

"Thanks. That was nice." I mumble and scratch my forehead.

"And you're kinda funny when you're drunk." Brittany states with a chuckle before turning around. She staggers a bit and instinctively I reach forward.

I grab her hips to make sure she won't stumble. Brittany exhales a shaky breath.

"You ok?" I ask. I want to make sure she's standing safely so I step close to her.

"Oh wow it looks like that one cocktail was already enough to make me walk like a drunk person." Brittany states with a short laugh. My front is pressed against her back. I can feel her laughter in my stomach.

"What's that perfume?" I ask when once again her scent fills my nose.

"Uh... I'm not wearing one." Brittany answers with a low voice.

I guess if somebody saw Brittany and me standing in the kitchen in this position then they would ask: What are you guys doing?

But somehow it feels like I'm glued to her. Also it feels kind of nice. It's been a while that we hugged. Except that we hugged one minute ago and I am now holding her from behind.

"Well it smells awfully good for not being a perfume." I mumble when I let my chin rest on her shoulder. I'll probably regret this in the morning because such close body contact won't help Brittany's feelings to go away.

My hands on Brittany's hips wander forward until they're resting on her stomach. I seriously had no idea she has abs. It's not like I can see them but I mean wow…

"Do you work out?" I wonder aloud and I already want to apologize for such a question but Brittany's chuckle keeps me from doing so.

"You do know that I take dance classes and go to the fitness studio several times a week, right?" She asks. Yes of course I know, how could I forget? I'm acting silly. I'm feeling her up and I ask weird questions. It must be the booze.

"Sorry" I mutter. I'm about to pull my hands back but Brittany is cupping them with her own before I can do so. She keeps me in place.

Her hands are on my hands and my hands are on her abs. I really should stop. My hands go higher instead and they rub against the fabric of Brittany's blue tank top. I wish I had such a toned stomach. This feels disturbingly good. So good that my lips have once again found Brittany's neck and absentminded (or not) I kiss her there. It's not actually a kiss, my lips are just connected to her skin.

My hands reach the underside of her breasts and the tiny moan that escapes Brittany's lips makes me realize what I'm doing. A horrible friend I am because I know that this is not ok. Touching like this is something that friends definitely don't do and when I finally manage to overpower the bad girl inside me, I detach my lips from her neck and my hands from her boobs.

I clear my throat when I step away from Brittany. I want to disappear right at this moment. I bury my face in my hands at the embarrassment about what I just did.

"Brittany, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

At first I hear nothing. When I peek through my fingers I see that Brittany has turned around and she's leaning against the fridge. Maybe her legs feel as wobbly as mine. I'm so embarrassed.

"It's… ok" Brittany says with a tremble in her voice. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"No! No, Britt you didn't. I shouldn't have… done that." I sputter and let my hands run through my hair. "Sometimes when I'm a little drunk I do stupid things and I blame it on Snixx but I'm really sorry. God, I'm embarrassed."

Brittany looks at me with a frown.

"Who's Snixx?" She asks and oh my God now she probably thinks I'm schizophrenic.

"No one. Well, it's me when I'm drunk because I'm not acting like myself then. Shit… is there a chance you can just pretend like you forgot everything I just said?"

Brittany's confused look changes into certain amusement. I silently thank her for not yelling at me. She should be kicking me out of her house for the way I behaved.

"I guess we're both a little drunk. Let's just forget about it." Brittany mumbles and then she reaches for a glass on the kitchen counter. It's the same glass I used earlier. She pours some water in it and empties it with three gulps.

She looked amused before but when she says 'let's just forget about it' she sounds sad. I hate myself for being so stupid.

She puts the glass down. With another quick look into my eyes she leaves the kitchen. I follow her like a lost puppy. A dumb lost puppy.

"I'm really sorry" I whisper when I take my jacket from the couch. Brittany watches how I step towards the front door.

"I guess Snixx didn't know." Brittany replies with a sad smile. "Goodnight."

She disappears behind her bedroom door before I can wish her a good night, too. I open the front door and step outside where it's dark and fresh. I shiver when I make my way back to college.

Snixx didn't know... but I do. I know it's not ok to play with Brittany's feelings.

How can I be such a jerk? Brittany's the sweetest girl I've ever met.

She really is...

* * *

**Chapter 5**

She's lying on top of me and pins my wrists down above my head before she leans in to crash our mouths together. Actually this is not what we had planned for lunch. We wanted to go grab some food and do something fun and I guess I would have used the opportunity to talk about our situation but somehow we never got there.

There was a tension in the air as soon as we said hello because it's been a couple days since the last time we were… physically close.

I gasp when she rocks her hips into mine and with a forceful tug I free my hands from her grip. I need to touch her. When I grab her ass she moans into my mouth.

When my phone buzzes on her bedside table I groan in frustration because I was in such a hurry to get into bed with her that I forgot to turn it off or at least switch on silent. I damn the person who's calling me when I was just about to get some sweet lady love and I break away from the kiss to check my phone. I don't know why it makes me jump but it says...

_Incoming call: Britt_

Kendra is still lying on top of my and sucking on my neck but suddenly I'm having a hard time focusing on that. Why is Brittany calling me? Did we have plans for lunch? Am I supposed to meet her somewhere?

"Babe… please." Kendra whispers into my ear. Her breath tickles my skin.

I look back and forth between Kendra's reddened cheeks and the display of my phone which says that Brittany is still very much trying to get me to pick up.

I'm torn. Brittany hasn't called me in forever. At least that's what it feels like. It's always me who calls her and now she's finally calling me. We haven't talked about what happened in Brittany's kitchen two weeks ago. Somehow we managed to pretend like it never happened and that we both simply had too much to drink to read anything into it.

It's not a big deal anyway. Of course it was super inappropriate behavior but we silently agreed that it wouldn't cost out friendship. I still can't explain why I did it and how it could go this far but I'm just thankful Brittany doesn't hate me or refuses to talk to me. Now she's even calling me and I still haven't picked up.

"If it's not an emergency then don't pick up." Kendra says and her lips roam all over my chest which is only covered by a bra.

"I don't know if it's an emergency or not." I husk and already want to press the green button to pick up when Kendra snatches the phone out of my hand and drops it somewhere between the sheets.

"You can call them back in five minutes" She whispers and grabs my hand to guide it to her naked chest. "We both have class in twenty minutes which means we'll have about five minutes for a quickie and then get dressed and get ready. No time for phone calls, Lopez…"

And with that she darts her tongue into my mouth and pushes her thigh between my legs. I surrender.

* * *

Finally I'm sitting in my last lecture of the day and while Quinn is writing down notes as usual, I am drifting off with my thoughts just as usual.

That quickie with Kendra at lunch time was hot… she had texted me in the morning to ask if I was up for some drinks in the evening but I'm already meeting the girls then so I suggested we go for lunch together and sit in a park or something.

I wanted to see if Kendra and I have chemistry outside of her dorm room just as much as we have it under the covers but I kind of dropped the idea when she opened the door and was only wearing blue jeans and a bra.

Now I'm not sure why I didn't just wait until she had changed her outfit. Was it because I was horny and wanted to get into her unbuttoned pants so badly or was it because I didn't actually want to go have lunch with her?

She's hot. She really is. But somehow I can't help but think that I only dragged her in for a kiss and closed the door behind us because I didn't want to go out. Kendra is sweet and things with her are easy but I don't want it to turn into something serious. Because aren't you supposed to feel butterflies around the person you want to start dating?

There are no butterflies at all. Except maybe horny butterflies whenever she's lying on top of me naked but it's not enough for a relationship. That's what I realized today. Kendra and I are so not girlfriend material for each other and I told her that. I told her honestly that we wouldn't work out. She thought it was worth a try but agreed that we probably wouldn't make sense as a couple. That's how easy things are with her because there was no fuss and no fight. We were on the same page.

However there was no time left to call Brittany before the lecture started as I was already the last one to step into the big auditorium and so I texted a short message to ask what is up. I'm currently still waiting for her reply and somehow I'm a little worried. What if it really had been an emergency?

So I text another message and another one. And then another one just in case the first ones got lost somewhere in cyberspace. Only when I scroll down the screen on my phone I realize that she must think I sound like a crazy stalker.

_Me (4.04pm): Hey, you called? I'm in a lecture right now. What's up?_

_Me (4.06pm): Sorry I didn't pick up earlier. R U alright?_

_Me (4.22pm): Are you still coming out with us tonight? I could pick you up at the restaurant after your shift._

_Me (4.31pm): Hey Britt, maybe you didn't get my messages. Reception sucks in this auditorium. Everything alright? I could come pick you up at the restaurant before meeting the girls tonight. Let me know. S._

Just when I want to put my phone away because Brittany's obviously not texting back, the screen lights up and Brittany's name appears. Hastily I try to unlock the screen but the phone slips from my hand and with a loud noise lands on the table before I can read her reply.

Weird…

Quinn shoots an annoyed look at my clumsiness. I mouth an apology for disturbing her concentration before finally opening Brittany's message.

_From Britt (4.40pm): Got your texts. I won't make it tonight. Kurt's dad is sick and I need to take over his shift._

For a minute I feel super embarrassed about the fact that Brittany got all my texts because I was kind of hoping she didn't. But then I wonder what must have happened.

_Me (4.43pm): How sick? You've already been working all day, is there no one else who could take over his shift?_

Brittany is always at the restaurant. If she doesn't do something about it, she'll soon suffer from a burnout syndrom but whenever Quinn or I try to talk to her about it, she says that it's just a little stressful these days and that it will get better soon. But it's always stressful and it's not just a phase.

_From Britt: I just know he's in hospital and that Kurt is really worried. And no because I'm the only cook next to Kurt. Gotta run now._

I stare at the screen and feel weird. If I had picked up the phone earlier then I could have asked Brittany if she needs help or if there's something I could do. But now I feel like I'll bother her with my texts because she needs to take care of things. I just hope Kurt's dad will be fine soon because Brittany can't possibly work all of Kurt's shifts.

Once the lesson is over I inform Quinn about the situation and that I don't think we should go out and have fun while Kurt is at the hospital with his dad. We also call Rachel on the phone and she suggests that two of us go to the hospital to be there for Kurt and that one should see if Brittany is alright all by herself at the restaurant.

I quickly offer to go to the restaurant and Quinn seems a little surprised at first but after Brittany contacted _me_ instead of the others I really feel like I should go. I want to.

And that's why I step into the Hummel restaurant two hours later with a mission to accomplish: help out as much as I can to take the pressure of Brittany.

* * *

Holy crap, there are so many people. It's Friday night and lately the restaurant has been booming. There are always many students that go to my university because it's very close and very fair prices. But tonight there are many guests in general and so far I can only see two waiters.

"Oh hi Santana!" John, one of the waiters greets me and he looks really stressed. "Are you here to get something to eat? We have literally no table left, I'm sorry!"

"No, no! I'm actually here for Brittany and see if I can help. I heard that Kurt's dad is sick."

John thanks me with a relieved smile and tells me that I'm an angel sent from heaven and that I should go grab an apron from the kitchen if I don't mind helping out serving the guests.

I quickly make my way to the kitchen. When I step inside my breath hitches. There is so much chaos. Pans and plates and food and fire everywhere. Seriously, there is a huge flame rising from the frying pan that Brittany is currently working on. I almost scream because it looks like it's burning her face. I know it's wanted and not an accident but it looks so scary.

"Hey there!" I wave to get her attention. When she looks up from her pan I startle. Brittany's eyes are reddened. I know she's been crying.

She looks so tired and miserable and yet she's working in here like a maniac.

"San? What are you doing here?" She asks with confusion and puts down the pan to wipe her hands on her apron.

I step closer. My heart twitches painfully at how exhausted she looks. I know she already worked till late at night yesterday.

"I thought I'd come over and offer my help. Quinn and Rachel are with Kurt to find out what happened to his dad and to support him and so I thought you could probably use help here. What can I do?"

Brittany's eyes widen when she watches how I put my bag away and grab an apron instead.

"You want to help out?" She asks with a weak voice. She looks at me from head to toe.

"Of course. John tells me they could use a hand out there. Is that ok with you?"

Brittany seems very baffled about my appearance so she only nods her head.

"Ok. Don't worry, I know how this works. I was once a waitress at this coffee shop to make money during my second year. If you need anything else just let me know, alright?" I ask.

Brittany closes her mouth which was hanging open. She points to two plates with delicious looking food on it.

"These go to table five." She mutters. I can tell she's still wondering if this is really happening and if I'm really here. "Thank you, San."

I smile at her and take the two plates before stepping out of the kitchen to make some hungry guests happy.

* * *

Turns out that serving at the Hummel restaurant is so much more intense than serving at the coffee shop I used to work at. It's been a couple hours. I feel like I've been running hundreds of miles by hurrying back and forth between kitchen and tables and my back hurts!

Luckily rush hour is over by now. There are only a couple guests left and they have all reached dessert. I can't explain how Brittany managed to cook for so many people all by herself. She was working like a machine! Every time I stepped into the kitchen she was holding a new pan in her hand and tasting another soup or sauce. I don't know where she gets the energy. I wish I had the willpower to work like this for my studies.

Somehow Brittany is magical. She can do anything with her motivation to make things right.

With an exaggerated sigh I step into the kitchen once more and Brittany turns around with a glass of water in her hand. She smiles at me and when I approach her, she quickly fills a second glass with water.

"Here, drink this. I don't want you to get dehydrated while serving everyone else drinks and food."

I take the glass with a chuckle and empty it in one go. I didn't even notice that I was thirsty while working out there.

"Are there still many guests left?" Brittany asks while refilling my glass.

"No. Just a small group of friends but I think they asked for the check just when I came in here."

"Awesome" Brittany mumbles and suppresses a yawn. "That means we can close up afterwards and go to bed." She laughs softly and rubs her eyes. "I don't know how to thank you. John and Claire would have been lost without your help out there. Actually the new waitress was supposed to be working, too but she's got tonsillitis or something and it was impossible for her to show up. But you really didn't have to do this… I'm sure you had better stuff to do."

"Britt… Quinn and Rachel are at the hospital and I live on campus. There's nothing better to do there. I am so sick and tired of my books and studying, I'm actually glad I got to help out. It was exhausting but also kind of fun."

Brittany looks at me intently. Then she points to a bowl of chocolate mousse.

"Will you take this as a sign of gratefulness? I know you love chocolate mousse and I made way too much. I don't want to throw it away. Maybe you can take it back to college and share it with Quinn."

I rub my hands together and wink at her.

"I very much would love to do that as your chocolate mousse is the best. But I'm serious, you don't have to thank me. It was my pleasure, ok?"

Brittany laughs softly and puts a stray of hair behind her ear.

"If you say so." She mutters. I grin and turn around to try some of that mousse. "You can totally go now by the way. John and Claire can take care of the rest and I'll just clean up in here a bit but then I'm out of here, too." Brittany says and starts filling the dishwasher with dirty plates and cutlery.

"Nu-uh I'm going to help you clean up. Have you seen this mess? It'll take you hours. If I help you we'll finish this in no time."

"But you already did so much-"

"Britt, it's ok. I want to help."

She gives me another shy smile. Then she continues to take care of the dishes while I grab a sponge and start scrubbing one of the hundreds of frying pans.

* * *

It's already close to midnight when I finally take off my apron and loosen my hair from a tight ponytail. The other waiters left. It's just Brittany and me in the kitchen.

With a satisfied smirk I hop on the counter and take a closer look at my work. The kitchen is literally sparkling after I cleaned every inch I could reach.

"Does it look as tidy as never before?" I want to know and watch how Brittany puts away the last bowl before leaning against the sink, taking a scrutinizing look around.

"It definitely looks as tidy as never before. It looks practically new… how do I deserve this?"

"You just do because I know how hard you've been working." I give her a pointed look. "Brittany it can't go on like this. I know you love the restaurant and that you want to be a good partner to Kurt but l mean look at you. You're so exhausted and it takes so much of your energy. You guys need to change something. Why can't you hire a third cook?"

Brittany turns more serious. She shrugs.

"Kurt says that we don't have the money for that."

"But your restaurant is basically the most popular in town! There are always guests! Britt, think about it. I don't want to find you passed out on the kitchen floor one day because it was all too much. Kurt has to understand that something must change for the better."

Brittany's eyes look watery all of a sudden and she nods.

"I know… but you know how Kurt can be sometimes. This restaurant is his life. He and I have been such a good team and we know how the other works. A third cook would change things."

"That's what I'm saying. Things need to change."

"Santana… it's not that simple."

"No? Because I think it is. It's very simple actually. This restaurant is becoming a burden. The two of you can't take care of it alone. Sooner or later Kurt will realize and I really hope it is sooner than later."

"Ok! I get it!" Brittany gasps and throws her hands in the air. "I know we need help! But it's easy for you to say we need to change something. However it's not as simple as you think. Just because you served food here for one night doesn't mean you know what's business, ok?"

She looks to the floor and shakes her head. Her cheeks are pink. I can tell she's upset. I don't want her to be upset. I came here to make her feel better and to help.

"Britt…" I sigh and close my eyes for a second. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you what to do. You're right, I don't know what is best for you guys. I just… I'm worried. I want you to be happy while you're working."

Carefully she looks up. There's a teardrop rolling down her left cheek. God I can't believe how much I hate to see her cry.

"Come here." I whisper. "Please, I can't see you like this because it makes me want to feaking hit someone."

A mix between a sob and a chuckle leaves Brittany's lips. She makes two steps to where I'm still sitting on the counter. I open my arms and lean forward to take her in for a hug. She steps between my thighs and lets me wrap my arms around her shoulders. Usually it's Brittany who's a bit taller but somehow this position fits because I want to be the one to take care of her now.

"Don't you know that pretty girls with tears in their eyes are my weak spot?" I ask with a chuckle and caress her hair. Ok, maybe that came out wrong. "I mean I hate to see you sad. I need you to be happy…"

Brittany stays silent and just leans against me while I try to think of soothing words to cheer her up. But when one of her hands grabs my shirt and I can feel her breath against my neck, I kind of don't know what to say. Instead it's Brittany who speaks up.

"It's not easy for me, you know?" She whispers. I have to pull back to look at her.

"What do you mean?" I want to know while letting my eyes wander over her face which looks so worried.

"I mean it's so easy to get comforted by you because just one of your hugs makes me feel better. But at the same time it's hard because I know it's a hug between friends and once we let go, we'll still be the same."

I listen to her words. At first I don't know what to think about them. My arms still lie heavily around her shoulders, she's still clutching my shirt. We're so close to each other and while I know I'd feel nothing special if this was Quinn or Kurt or anyone of my friends, I feel something low in my stomach when I look into Brittany's eyes.

It's the same sensation I felt when we were standing in the kitchen of her apartment and we were both drunk. It's hard to describe but it's easy to know. It's the butterflies I never feel when I'm with Kendra. I don't understand why they decided to rush through my stomach now.

Brittany says we will still be the same once we let go. Maybe she's right but I kind of think she's wrong. More importantly: I don't want to let go in the first place.

I watch how Brittany's throat moves when she swallows and how her eyes dart up to mine when I cup her cheeks with both my hands. My thumbs caress her warm skin. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of affection I feel for Brittany. Her hands have wandered. They're now resting on my thighs and it feels like they're burning through the fabric of my jeans.

I can't hold back. I want to do the right thing. The best thing to do is almost always the thing you feel in your heart. I'm not sure how to read this feeling but it tells me one thing: If I didn't want this then I wouldn't be here.

And then I close the gap between our lips to kiss her.

Fire.

And chocolate mousse.

It's Brittany and me in the middle of something I don't understand. Our lips move against each other and it doesn't feel weird or wrong. My close friend… a person I never thought I'd kiss in a moment like this. But my shaky breath that hits her lips is proof enough. I had to kiss her. And I'm still kissing her. And her lips feel so soft and warm that I'm about to lose my mind.

I squeeze her waist with my thighs when our bold tongues meet in the middle and I mimic the soft moan that sounds from her lips. This kiss is glorious, it blows me away.

I know nothing anymore.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Brittany's POV...**

My heart is beating out of my chest. I'm probably going to faint if I don't do something really soon. Should this be happening? It's what I haven't been able to stop thinking about and now that it's happening I'm not sure if it's ok.

I'm kissing Santana.

And I don't know how we got to this point.

Her hands on my cheeks hold me close to her. I don't think I could pull away if I wanted because her thighs are wrapped around my waist. This is way too much for me to handle. My hands on her slim hips and the soft noise she just made… I don't understand that this is happening. Last time we kissed I surprised her out of nowhere and she had no idea that it was because I liked her. But now she knows about my feelings. Is she freaking aware of the fact that she's kissing me?

But it feels so amazing. I don't think I ever want to stop. Her body so close to me and her lips moving against mine… it's exactly what I imagined it to be.

But it's so hard to breathe when she kisses me like this. She steals my breath and sanity. Before I lose control, I have to pull away.

Our lips part and our breaths mingle between our hot faces. How did I get so worked up just by one kiss?

Her hands are on my neck and shoulder and when I open my eyes to look up at her, I could cry. Her eyes are still closed. Her lips are swollen. We must have kissed for several minutes… and I know what they taste like.

Slowly she opens her eyes. It's no wonder that I fell for them. Now that I see them so close and intimately they are even darker and more beautiful than before. How can a person have such dark eyes and still see the world in shining colors? How does it work?

She's so pretty it hurts. It really hurts.

How could I ever stand a chance with her? This kiss will never mean the same to her as it means to me. Our friendship is changing right at this moment and I have no idea into what. I can't lose her.

"I'm not sure…" She whispers. She lets her forehead rest against mine. "What just happened."

Truth is, I'm not so sure, either. We kissed but the question is why and what is going to happen next.

"We kind of kissed." I mumble. Saying it out loud makes it all so much more real. Not to mention that I'm still standing between her legs and that my hands are on her waist.

"We did, didn't we…" Santana summarizes. I nod softly.

I'm not capable to analyze it though and I think neither is she. So she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for another hug. When she hugged me earlier she was comforting me. Now I think I'm comforting her because she's slightly trembling against my body.

"What is happening? This is not what friends normally do." She mumbles against my ear and it stings in my heart because I know that. I also know I'm not supposed to have feelings for her because feelings and friendship are like two 'f's that don't mix well…

I'm holding her in my arms and breathe in the scent of her skin. I'll secretly enjoy it just this one time. Just for one moment which will only last a couple more seconds I'll pretend that the kiss meant everything to her, too.

I'm savoring the feeling of her body against mine. Tonight I'll go to sleep with the memory of it. Tomorrow it'll be the only thing I have left of what was "us" for a short moment. At midnight in the kitchen of my restaurant.

Maybe one kiss will be enough for me. Who am I to secretly wish for more? A kiss is more than a lot.

"Please say something" She whispers and her arms hold me a little tighter. "We're gonna be ok, am I right?"

I press one little kiss to her shoulder because at this moment I think it's ok.

"Of course we are." I try to ignore the lump that's forming in my throat at what I'm about to say. "If you don't want it to mean something then it won't. It… it doesn't have to be this big thing that will make things awkward. If you want to keep going like before then I will accept that. I'm the one who started this after all."

Gently I pull back. It's harder than I thought. Pulling away from her.

Her eyes flicker to mine while her hands run down my arms. They come to a rest on my elbows.

"I think I will need some time to think and try to understand." Santana says softly. I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I thought she was going to say something like: _'Let's just stay friends.'_ Or: _'The kiss was nice but it can't happen again.'_

"Is that ok?" She asks and has never looked so shy.

I manage to give her a smile.

"Yes. I guess I should do the same."

She smiles back at me and even though it's insecure it makes me feel better. I step back and let her hop down from the counter. Once we're standing in front of each other I realize how weak my knees still feel.

"I'll walk you to the door." I mumble when Santana turns around to grab her bag. I'm still shaking. And shaken…

She silently follows me out of the kitchen once I have put on my jacket. The way from the kitchen to the exit seems longer than ever before. It's dark when we step out of the restaurant. She waits until I have locked the door behind us.

Santana needs to go left and I will go right. So we look at each other once more.

"We'll see each other soon, ok?" She says and shivers noticeably when the wind hits her face.

"Yeah" I nod. At the same time we say "Goodnight."

We start walking into different directions. After a couple steps I wonder if she'll turn around to look back. But it's better if I don't check. I already have enough to think about.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

Tuesday afternoons… how much I hate them. The weekend is still so far away but I am already fed up with studying. Spontaneously I decide to put my books away to grab my guitar instead. I haven't played it in quite a while although it's one of my favorite things to do but college is just keeping me so busy.

Quinn is still in the library somewhere so it's just me in our dorm room and I can sing and play without disturbing her. I once knew how to play a song by Coldplay but I can't seem to remember the chords right now. Maybe something by Rihanna?

"A minor… C… D? No that's not it." I mumble and pull a face at how wrong it sounds. Was it G? Wait what's the lyrics of 'Disturbia' again? Something with a thief in the night?

"Ugh!" I huff when I can't remember how the song goes. Where's the damn tuner anyway? This guitar sounds like shit!

I get up from my bed and put the guitar back into a corner because I can't focus on chords and lyrics right now. Actually I haven't been able to focus on anything really these days. Everything reminds me of what happened the other night.

Today there was "Toxic" on the radio and boom – I feel Brittany's lips on mine. Later when I was in the library with Quinn, I was looking at a magazine and there was a picture of a kitchen and all I could think about while looking at that picture was how Brittany and I kissed in the kitchen of her restaurant!

I can't get it out of my mind. Can't get _her _out of my head and I'm so clueless what this is supposed to mean! So far I was sure that I don't have romantic feelings for her. I guess I just never considered it. She's one of my best friends. Maybe even _the _best friend.

But after what happened that night nothing's the same anymore. I don't understand where all those butterflies came from and why I feel close to a heart attack whenever my phone rings.

Yesterday we did talk on the phone. I couldn't stand it anymore and needed to hear her voice and talk about what happened. At first we both didn't know what to say. There were a couple silent moments but it was ok.

"_What do you think about what happened?"_ She asked carefully. I was biting my fingernails while trying to figure out what I was going to say.

"I honestly don't know. All I know is that I have to think about you all the time and I'm trying to understand what it means but it's like I seriously don't know."

"_Then what should we do now?"_

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I imagined how Brittany was sitting at the kitchen counter of her restaurant with her hairnet on and an apron around her waist. There was probably something cooking on the stove and I could almost smell how delicious it was over the phone.

"I was thinking that maybe… maybe we don't have to decide right now. Like… maybe we can just see how things are when we spend time together and… God, Britt I have no idea what I'm trying to say. I'm kinda nervous."

"_Nervous?"_

"Yeah nervous"

"_Why?"_

"Because… you make me nervous."

"_Is it a good thing or a bad thing?"_

"I… it's not bad. But the fact that it's a good nervous is really confusing, you know?"

I heard Brittany taking a breath and the slight tremble in it sort of calmed me down because I knew I wasn't the only one who was having a hard time breathing.

"Britt do you think we can just wait and see what happens next without defining what we are right now?"

It took her a couple seconds to reply.

"_I'll never push you to do anything. I know that we are friends and that it's not going to change any time soon no matter what feelings I have for you. We have only been friends for about three years but I know that this friendship is one of the most important ones I have. I won't risk it for something that might turn out to be nothing…"_

Nothing… I really doubt this will be nothing.

"Right. I don't want to risk our friendship, either, Britt. You have no idea how much you mean to me." While I was saying it I realized how true it was.

"_You mean a lot to me, too, Santana."_

I smiled although she couldn't see me and then we talked a bit about how Kurt is actually considering to expand the team to make things easier for them. Despite the fact that the situation is complicated, we could talk about the restaurant and other stuff and it didn't feel weird. It proved to me that we both mean it when we say that we don't want to lose our friendship.

I still have to think about that phone call. It was so special to talk to her because we were both so shy and usually we're never shy around each other. I know I can trust her and she can trust me.

And now we're going to see what happens next. Whatever it might be… I'll have to wait and find out.

* * *

"Ok first of all I want to thank you guys for offering your help to repaint the walls in my hair salon because let's be honest… baby blue is just not cool. I don't know what I was thinking." Mike says and points to three paint buckets on the floor right next to him. "And that's why we're going to paint them light green and hope that it will catch the attention of new customers. Quinn and Kurt would you start in the back? Rachel and I will do the wall behind the reception desk. So the wall on the right side is left for Brittany and Santana. Is that ok with you guys?"

My eyes wander across the room where Brittany is sitting in one of the hairdressers chairs. Her hair is up in a bun and she's wearing sweatpants and a tank top. Somehow I notice a lot more what she's wearing these days.

"Yes! Let's get to work and bring some color into this room!" Kurt shouts and claps his hands together.

I watch how Brittany gets up on her feet and grabs a bucket and two paint rollers.

"You sure you don't need a painting apron or something?" She asks with a look at my clothes when she steps next to me. "Don't want you to ruin your outfit."

I'm wearing the oldest overall pants and t-shirt I could find in my closet.

"I know they look ridiculous, ok? But that's why I'm wearing them because it doesn't matter if I sit into color or wipe my hands on them." I try to defend myself but stop when Brittany chuckles and shakes her head.

"Come on then. The wall isn't going to paint itself." She mumbles and hands me one of the paint rollers.

Our fingers brush against each other. While I wouldn't have noticed it a couple weeks ago, I can't believe that it makes me nearly blush today.

I shrug it off and follow Brittany to our wall. For the next two hours the six of us work concentratedly and soon the hair salon looks completely different. Who knew that the color of the walls could have such an effect?

"Phew! Looks like we're the first ones to finish." I state with a proud look around and put a strand of hair behind my ear. "Do you like it? I think it looks really good and that Mike made the right decision to go with green."

I turn to look at Brittany who bursts into laughter as soon as we're face to face.

"What?" I ask and turn around to see if there's something funny going on behind me. "What is it?"

Brittany's laughter fills the room. I'm so irritated.

"What? Do I have paint in my face or what?" I ask and feel my cheeks. Brittany bobs her head and pulls her phone from her pocket.

"Please let me take a picture of you. You look so funny right now."

"Ha-ha _very_ funny, Britt. Come on where did I touch myself? I mean… where's the color?" Not only am I green in my face but I'm pretty sure I'm turning red when Brittany holds the phone in front of me and a big smile graces her face when she takes a picture. Also Quinn and Kurt are now standing next to her and grinning at how idiotic I must look.

"Have a look." Brittany laughs and hands me the phone. "You have a third eyebrow."

I narrow my eyes at the photo on Brittany's phone and when I see that it indeed looks like I grew a third eyebrow I join the laughter.

"Wait, I have a tissue." Brittany says when I start looking around for something to wipe away the color. She hands me a clean tissue. When I dab my forehead with it, Brittany starts giggling again.

"What's so funny now?"

"It's just that you're making it worse. Now it looks like someone stamped your forehead several times. Here let me…" She steps close to me and takes the tissue out of my hand.

I look into her eyes when she takes care of my forehead with a smirk on her face.

"There you go smurf." She says softly. Our eyes meet.

"Aren't smurfs blue?" I wonder and perk an eyebrow. One of my many eyebrows.

"Oh right" She chuckles while crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I actually meant to say 'Hulk'."

My jaw drops down and I hit Brittany's arm for comparing me with the Hulk. Hello? He must at least weigh a ton!

"Girls! Are you up for some drinks, too? It's all finished and I'd say we deserve a cold beer or two. It's on me!" Mike interrupts our discussion. We both turn away from each other.

"Yup! Sure…" I answer quickly. With another look at one another, Brittany and I join our friends at the reception desk where they are already clinking bottles to celebrate Mike's brand new walls.

* * *

It's an hour later when Brittany, Quinn and I make our way back to college. Apparently Quinn still has some of Brittany's DVDs which she hasn't returned in ages and now Brittany's coming with us to pick them up.

"I haven't been here in forever." Brittany comments once we arrive at our dorm and I open the door to our room.

"Yeah well… we really don't have enough space otherwise we'd invite you all to come over." Quinn says while reading a text message on her phone. "Hey… do you remember these guys we met at the club? One of them is called Sam and he was totally into Brittany."

"Yeah" Brittany goes and rolls her eyes playfully. "We remember. Why?"

"Because his friend Puck just texted me and wants to know if we're up for some drinks."

"What? All of us?" I want to know and yawn. Painting was more exhausting than I thought but it's only 8pm.

"I think so. What do you think? Shall we go meet them? I actually kind of liked this Puck guy." Quinn mumbles and starts typing a reply.

"No thanks. I have an early lecture in the morning. But tell Sam I said hi if you see him." I say and walk over to our tiny couch where I collapse tiredly.

"Yeah, me neither. _Don't_ tell Sam I said hi if you see him." Brittany states. It makes me chuckle although I still feel a bit bad for telling him private things about her.

"You guys are so boring. But fine, I'll go alone then. I have to hurry though because Puck says he'll drive by campus any minute. The DVDs are on my bedside table, Britt. Can you get them yourself? Ok, bye!"

Quinn is out the door before I can properly think about what that means. It leaves Brittany and me alone in our room.

"Ok wow. I had no idea Quinn is so into that guy. Do you know which one was Puck?" I ask while recalling the night at the club.

"Yeah he was the one with the Mohawk. He looked kinda badass but Quinn thought it was sexy. It's been a while that she dated someone so I guess why not, right?" Brittany explains. I shrug.

"Yeah, I guess." I say and point to Quinn's bedroom. "Anyway you can just go inside and get what's yours. Quinn always keeps stuff that doesn't belong to her for way too long."

Brittany nods with a huffing noise and disappears into Quinn's bedroom while I let my eyes wander around to see if there's anything else that belongs to Brittany. Now that she's here.

Something catches my eye but it's nothing that Brittany might want back. It's something that scares the crap out of me and I jump when I take a closer look at the spot right above our TV.

"Oh my God!" I scream. My eyes widen and my heart starts hammering in my chest. "Britt! Britt please come here as fast as you can!"

Only two seconds later Brittany is standing next to me with a pile of DVDs in her hands and she looks at me horrified.

"What? What is it? Is something burning? Is there a burglar?" She wants to know but I just point to the wall across from us. She follows my line of sight. I'm still _shocked_ at what I see there.

"It's a black fucking mamba and I will not be able to sleep for one second as long as I know it's in here!" I cry and throw a quick look at Brittany to see her reaction. She puts the DVDs down on the small coffee table and steps closer to the TV.

"Britt, be careful! You never know if it might jump at you."

"Santana this is not a black mamba. It's a domestic house spider and I don't think it _can _jump."

"But it feakin' looks like a black mamba! Have you seen the hairy legs?" I exclaim and wrap my arms around my knees as tight as possible.

"You do know that black mambas are snakes, right? Seriously this thing here won't hurt you because it's too afraid of you."

"But it might accidentally crawl into my mouth while I'm sleeping! Please Britt, you have to do something." I whine and gasp when it moves a little higher. "Hurry! Before it reaches the ceiling! You can't get it if it's too high! Oh my God Britt I'm _begging_ you!"

My heart is literally racing. I feel sweat forming on the back of my neck. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's spiders. Black fat spiders that can run way too fast for their size.

"Jesus I had no idea you're so scared of them." Brittany says with a funny look at me.

"I'm not scared. I'm disgusted beyond words to describe!"

"Ok, ok I'll take care of it! Do you have a cup or anything? I don't want to kill it by holding it too tight in my hand but they're so fast-"

"I don't care if you kill it, Britt! As a matter of fact I'd be relieved! But there's a cup right here." I hand her a cup from the coffee table. Brittany takes it with a malicious grin.

"You'd seriously do anything for me right now just so I'll remove the spider, am I right?" She asks and laughs.

"Yes, I'll do anything. I'll buy you Starbucks for a month. I'll help out at the restaurant for the rest of my life and I'll even be your personal assistant if you could just please kill the black mamba before it goes higher. Britt it's crawling up!"

Quickly Brittany steps to the wall and with one fluid move she catches the spider and cups it with the palm of her hand.

"Open the window" She says calmly. I try to keep as much distance to her as possible when I walk across the room to do what she says.

Only when Brittany shows me the empty cup and closes the window I dare to breath normally and I sink back onto the couch with a sigh.

"Thank you _so_ much. You have no idea how relieved I feel right now." I mumble and smile at her happily. "I feel like I'm newborn actually. Spiders are my biggest nightmare."

Brittany narrows her eyes.

"You're welcome. But what would you have done if I hadn't been here?" She asks and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"I wouldn't have slept in here." I state determinedly. Like duh.

"But where would you have slept then?"

"I don't know? In the hallway? I would have waited outside until Quinn came back. She can touch them just like you."

"Well maybe it's time you learn it, too! You can't sleep in the hallway just because there's a small spider in your room."

"Small? You're kidding, right? It was about the size of a hand!"

"A baby's hand…"

"Hey in my opinion it was gigantic, ok?"

I watch how Brittany clicks her tongue and walks over to pick up the DVDs from the table.

"Well you're safe now." She says while looking at the covers in her hands. "Oh I didn't even know Quinn had this one. Have you seen it?" She asks and holds up one of the movies.

"Is that Kate Winslet on the cover? No, I haven't seen it but I heard it's pretty good. She's actually one of my favorite actresses." I answer and I wonder if Brittany thinks the same as I do.

Her face lights up.

"Yeah I really like her, too. Do you want to keep this one for another while? It's absolutely worth a watch."

I look at the DVD in Brittany's hands and at the smile on her face. Suddenly I'm not so tired anymore.

"Uh… how about we watch it now? I mean… we could watch it together if you like - if you're not too tired."

Brittany's eyes widen hardly noticable. She throws a quick look at her watch.

"It's not actually that late." She seems to ponder, then walks over. "Ok. Sure, why not? I haven't seen it in forever and it's really good."

And so I find myself sitting next to Brittany on the tiny couch (which obviously wasn't made for two grownups to sit on it at the same time because there's hardly an inch between our bodies) and we're watching a movie I've never seen before. I love watching movies for the first time… especially when they're as funny as this one.

"Do you want anything to drink? I think there's some soda left in our tiny little dorm fridge." I ask and get up from the couch.

Brittany nods with a smile so I get us two cans.

"Oh hey there's also popcorn!" I squeal and throw the bag into Brittany's lap when I get back to the couch. I slump down next to her and we both giggle when the couch makes a squeaking noise under my weight.

We take a few sips of our soda and laugh at the scene playing on TV… it's Brittany and me the way we're supposed to be. We always have a good time whenever we're together. She makes me feel comfortable. Somehow everything seems to be a little bit better whenever she's around.

"You know…" I speak up after a while without looking away from the screen. "This feels really nice."

From the corner of my eye I can see how Brittany turns her head.

"I have to say I was a little scared that spending time together wouldn't be the same anymore. I thought maybe we'd be all awkward and tense but… it's nothing like that."

Slowly I turn to look at her. When our eyes meet I can't help but smile. Brittany's expression is soft. She nods.

"I'm glad you don't feel weird then." She says and just when I'm about to focus back on TV, Brittany's glance drops to my lips. "It's the least thing I want." She adds. I swallow.

"I don't want it to be weird for you, either." I mumble. Suddenly I'm aware of how close we're really sitting. "I don't think I could stand it if you felt awkward around me."

Brittany shakes her head and whispers: "I don't feel awkward around you. I never do."

Ditto… I wonder if she knows how fast my pulse is racing now that we're staring at each other's lips. Why do I feel that urge again? Maybe she feels it, too?

"You know I really don't want to lose our friendship." I mumble when my upper body turns to face her.

"I know"

"It's a very special one because I feel like we can talk about anything and… I just want you to know that I don't _ever_ want to ruin it." I keep going but I'm not really listening to myself. I'm too captured by the way she licks her lips and that's all it takes for me to surrender. Because ever since she called me smurf in the hair salon I've wanted to do one thing.

"I don't want to ruin it, either." She hums. When her breath hits my cheek I lose it.

We both lean forward at the same time and our lips crash together for a kiss that surprises me although I knew it was coming.

Her hand is on my shoulder, she pulls me close so our faces are pressed against each other. Just like in the movies the popcorn falls to the floor when I push her back on the couch and land on top of her. A gasp escapes her lips when I squeeze myself between her thighs. I support my weight on my elbows before diving into that kiss once more.

Brittany's arms wrap around my midsection and when I open my mouth to meet her tongue with mine, I can feel her fingernails grabbing my shirt and her hips pushing up into me.

I don't understand why it turns me on so much or why I was craving for another kiss in the first place. I kind of thought we were just going to try the friendship route and see how well we get along even though there are certain feelings involved. I thought maybe one day we could try to go out on a date just to see if there is any romantic tension or not but I guess we're just skipping a couple steps and it's overwhelming.

When Brittany wiped the color off my forehead and the way she looked so cute when she said_ 'There you go, smurf'_… all I wanted to do was to hold her close and kiss her face and make her laugh. I wanted to kiss her… now here we are. The fire in my stomach is burning and the butterflies have turned into rockstars or something.

I can't help the moan when I sense her body pushing up into mine while her lips feel so hot. Like she's desperate for me to kiss her deeper. I cup her cheek with my hand and let my thumb run over the skin there. It's burning just like my insides.

I don't think I can stop what I'm doing. Seriously. I don't want to stop - I want to go further. Is this real? Is this just fun or am I about to sleep with my best friend? Is that even allowed?

I have to open my eyes to at least understand a little bit of what is happening. I make our lips part and when I breathlessly look down at Brittany, she opens her eyes. She's panting just as much while her eyes flicker back and forth between mine. She's got really pretty blue eyes…

Her warm hands are still on the small of my back. I wonder when they made their way underneath my shirt. Skin to skin…

Maybe I should ask before I read the signals wrong.

"Are we gonna-"

"I don't know" She doesn't even let me finish the question. Maybe it's for the better.

But her voice is filled with longing. I want to give her everything she needs so badly .

I lower my head and press a soft kiss to her nose and then her chin. Her mouth is still hanging open. Her breathing instantly picks up again when I gently rock my body into hers. The fact that we're getting lost in each other's eyes almost makes me dizzy. I need to catch my breath.

"What if Quinn comes back?" She whispers between our faces and my eyes automatically dart to the door. I almost forgot I have a roommate.

But I also have a bedroom with a door to close.

"Do you want to stop?" I ask with a trembling voice. This might be the worst idea of the century but I pray she'll say no.

When she shakes her head, I feel how my heart starts beating faster and faster. Like a freight train is rushing through my insides.

Once again I press my lips down to hers. Just quickly to see if there's resistance. But she kisses me back desperately and lets her hands wander up my back to my shoulder blades.

Eventually I pull myself together and push my body off of hers. I stand next to the couch and hastily grab Brittany's wrist to pull her up as well. At first she seems irritated but when we stumble towards my bedroom, her expression changes into something between seriousness and endless desire.

"This is crazy" I husk and shake my head. Next thing I know is how I close the door behind us and how I get pulled towards my bed.

"We're crazy" I repeat when I land on top of her once more. She looks up at me, her eyes are filled with hope and maybe insecurity. She has never done this before. Not with a girl…

"_You're_ crazy" She breathes against my lips. Her hands grab the back of my neck to pull me incredibly close.

"No, you are…" I whisper. When I look down at her and let my eyes wander over her face, I see a tiny smile forming on her face.

I stroke up her arm until I reach her face. With my thumb I tickle her chin. My body presses down on hers. I can feel every breath she takes. When I close the distance between our lips, an excitement rushes through my body.

I don't think anything could come between us now. Or ever.


	3. Part III

**Chapter 7**

"This is crazy" I husk and shake my head. Next thing I know is how I close the door behind us and how I get pulled towards my bed.

"We're crazy" I repeat when I land on top of her once more. She looks up at me. Her eyes are filled with hope and maybe insecurity. She has never done this before. Not with a girl…

"_You're_ crazy" She breathes against my lips. Her hands grab the back of my neck to pull me incredibly close.

"No, you are…" I whisper. When I look down at her and let my eyes wander over her face, I see a tiny smile forming on her face. I stroke up her arm until I reach her face. With my thumb I tickle her chin. My body presses down on hers and I can feel every breath she takes. When I close the distance between our lips, an excitement rushes through my body.

I don't think anything could come between us now. Or ever.

Because I've never experienced anything like this before. Brittany and I know each other so well, sometimes it only takes a look to know that the other is in a bad mood. Sometimes we only have to exchange a glance to know that we're thinking the same thing while listening to other people talking. We have that connection that is hard to define and I always thought we're already as close as possible.

I was wrong. Or maybe blind… because right now we're crossing a line that will change our friendship forever. How could we ever go back to being normal friends after whatever happens tonight?

Brittany's hands are roaming all over my back underneath my shirt. I silently wish she wouldn't get hindered by the bra each time she goes up or down. Meanwhile we're still kissing longingly. I wonder why it never came to my mind that I might like kissing her. I had no idea she's so good at it.

Oh my God, I'm making out with my best friend. In bed. About to lose my shirt.

I open my eyes and pull back to look down at Brittany. Her hands have wondered to my front. While stroking my stomach, my shirt has somehow made its way up. I'm straddling her hips. I slowly sit up when she looks at me with a timid expression. She must think that she went too far by touching my stomach.

We gaze at each other. I swallow emptily before loosening the straps of my silly painting overalls and then I grab the hem of my shirt to pull it over my head. A shaky breath escapes Brittany's lips when her eyes roam over my exposed upper body. Luckily I'm wearing my favorite black bra today.

Brittany was so bold before while gently scratching my back with her fingernails but now that I'm sitting in her lap and she's about to see something she's never seen before she turns shy. In a fucking adorable way.

I lean down to hover over her upper body. When I support my weight on my elbows, our faces are super close with my chest pressing gently against hers. Her hands return to my back and I sigh when she cradles me in a warm embrace. I never knew I could feel that vulnerable just because I took off my shirt. But this is not someone I'll just hook up with and the next day I won't even remember her name.

It's Brittany. I'll remember everything we do.

I sort of touched her boobs without a warning when we were standing drunk in her kitchen. We should at least be even…

I reach behind my back to catch one of her wandering hands and guide it to my front. In order to show her what I have in mind I need to lift my body a little bit and just before her hand cups my breast, I close my eyes and press my lips to hers. I don't have the courage to look her in the eyes while she touches me like this. I'm too scared I'll pass out.

Utterly careful Brittany squeezes my breast. I think I can hear her heart beating right through her ribcage. Our mouths part after only a couple seconds because I'm breathing too heavily to keep kissing.

"Are you ok?" I whisper although maybe I should ask myself that question. I'm literally trembling on top of her. Brittany seems to be thinking the same. She looks up at me with a soft expression.

"Yes" She breathes simply. "Are you?"

I swallow and try to figure out if I'm ok. I'm actually great. I've never felt so special with Brittany. But I'm nervous, too. My heart is racing after all. It's funny because I was never jittery whenever I was about to sleep with Kendra. Somehow everything is different with Brittany.

"I think so" I answer and try to give her a smile. Brittany must know how nervous I am because she detaches her hand from my chest and wraps her arms closely around my body instead.

Our noses touch. I can't believe I'm the one to get cold feet. Am I not supposed to be the one to show her how this works? I should be leading here. But I'm freaking shaking.

Carefully Brittany pushes up to guide me to lie on my back. When she settles on top of me, one of her thighs takes places between mine which causes me to moan softly because she kind of hits a sensitive spot.

I grab her shirt and close my eyes. I am way too aroused after having lost only one piece of clothing. Our bodies gently rock against each other while I can hear Brittany's erratic breath close to my face. It's so hot in this room. Brittany must be melting since she's still wearing all her clothes.

Her thigh keeps hitting my center and I panic when I realize that this will soon get me way too far before we have even really started. I can't hold back the muffled moans every time our lower halves grind together, so I reach down to still her hips.

Brittany breaks away from another kiss before looking at me in slight confusion.

"Am I doing it wrong?" She husks. I hastily shake my head.

"No. Too good." I gasp and Brittany's eyes widen when she realizes what I mean. She stops moving on top of me and we both breathe audibly while we get lost in each other's eyes.

How is this possible? I've never felt it in such an intense way when Kendra and I made out and things got a little heated. Neither with my ex-girlfriend. Why is this so different? And so much better? It scares me. It really does.

Brittany opens her mouth while my fingers are playing with the hem of her shirt. I wonder what she's about to say. But something makes her turn her head and look over her shoulder. Someone just opened and closed the door to the dorm room.

"_Santanaaaa_?" It's Quinn's voice. It makes me and Brittany jump. We both sit up and I awkwardly bump into her face since she's sort of sitting in my lap. "_Are you already in bed?_"

Brittany and I stare at each other. If I don't do something real quickly then Quinn will burst into my room because she probably wants to tell me about her date with that Puck guy.

"I… yes!" I shout while looking for my shirt. Brittany crawls off me.

_"Hey did Brittany forget the DVDs?"_ I hear Quinn's voice coming closer. I can only pull the shirt over my head before the door opens and Quinn appears. "They're all still on the table- oh my God! What… Britt?!" Quinn exclaims and her jaw drops down when she finds the two of us in a compromising position.

Well… Brittany is sitting on the edge of the bed with all her clothes still on but I'm kneeling on the mattress while fighting with my shirt and my bra perfectly visible. I'm pretty sure my hair looks messy and my cheeks are pink. It's compromising.

"What's going-"

"Quinn, can you just close the door?" I interrupt, wishing I could hide under this bed.

"But I don't get it. Are you guys like…"

"Quinn, please! Close the door!" I shout and bury my face in my hands.

"This is like… wow ok, I mean ok… wow. Sorry, my bad." Quinn mumbles while the grin on her face widens. "I'm not even here. Forget that I just opened the door and continue whatever you where about to-"

"Get out!" Brittany and I both yell and I'm a little surprised. Brittany sounds so frustrated.

Quinn disappears while mumbling 'ok, ok...' and when the room is back in silence, Brittany and I throw a glance at each other.

"Usually she knocks before coming inside." I mutter embarrassed. Brittany just nods and gets up from the bed.

"I guess we should have locked the door." Is her reply. She scratches her head while I finally pull on my shirt correctly. "I should go." She adds with a soft voice, looking at me all insecure.

When she's already at the door I quickly jump up from the bed to stop her.

"Britt, I'm sorry. Are… are you ok?" I try to get her to look at me but she's avoiding my eyes.

"I'm ok. Just trying to understand what happened." That's what I'm trying to understand, too but I have no idea. "It's really late… I'll go now." She mumbles. I know I won't be able to make her stay and talk about this.

"Britt, I didn't mean to…" But I trail off because I don't know the right words to say. I didn't mean to do what? To almost sleep with her? To stop her before things were getting really interesting? To get interrupted at the worst time?

Her hand slips from my grip; I didn't even notice we were holding each other. Then she opens the bedroom door and tiptoes outside. I watch how she picks up her shoes that she must have lost somewhere along the way. With a quick look over her shoulder to whisper a crestfallen "bye" she steps outside into the dark hallway.

It doesn't take five seconds until Quinn jumps out of her room.

"Ok. First of all: holy hell, what were you guys doing in there? And second off, oh my God what were you guys doing in there!" She's practically screaming when she steps in front of me. She puts her hands on her hips.

"Nothing!" I counter with a big amount of frustration in my voice. "How about you knock before entering a room, huh? Did you not learn this as a child?"

"So you guys were totally doing it."

"No! God, Quinn… can we please not talk about this? I need to go to sleep."

"Excuse me but I just caught two of my best friends together in bed. It's my responsibility to talk to you about this. How the hell did it happen? Are you suddenly into Brittany? Santana, if you're playing games with her then I will kill you. Do you understand? I'll murder you with nothing but my bare hands!" Quinn's eyes are wide and I quickly run towards my room. Sometimes Quinn switches to what we all call the 'Lion mode'.

Quinn is this pretty and sweet girl who is always polite and eager to study. She wouldn't harm a fly. But sometimes she can transform into this hysterical beast who will scream at people for being so reckless or doing stupid things. With her short blonde hair and her eyes flickering dangerously she does kind of look like a lion. Hence the term 'Lion mode'.

"Jesus Quinn… you're freaking me out." I mumble. "I'm not going to tell you anything as long as I have to fear you'll eat me alive. Maybe tomorrow… Night."

I quickly disappear inside my room before Quinn can say anything else and leave her standing there all clueless. But before I can explain to her what happened tonight, I have to try and understand myself.

* * *

The coffee burns my tongue which makes me hiss a couple curse words into my cup. This day is getting worse by the minute. I woke up with a headache because I had so much trouble falling asleep in the first place and tried the weirdest positions to find release in a slumber. A certain scent of a certain shampoo was haunting me whenever I hid my face in my pillow and it caused vivid pictures of what had happened only a couple hours prior to appear in front of my inner eye.

Brittany lying underneath me and looking at my chest. Her hand carefully touching me, the pink shade on her cheeks. Brittany's face right above me after she switched positions, how she rocked her body against mine. Just the memory of it gives me butterflies in my stomach. It's like my heart buzzes or something.

I don't know whether to be thankful about Quinn's appearance or to hate her for it. What would have happened if she hadn't shown up? Would I have made a complete fool of myself by telling Brittany that I wasn't ready to sleep with her? Would I have ignored the concern and let the amazing feeling of being so close to her take over? Would Brittany have found it amusing if I'd probably gotten an orgasm after only grinding against each other? I certainly would have been beyond embarrassed but it's definitely what would have happened if we hadn't stopped.

This morning I hurried out of our dorm room while Quinn was still asleep just so she wouldn't be able to ask me about last night. I was way too early for my first lecture and so I got a coffee at the cafeteria and then sat into the empty auditorium to clear my thoughts.

What happened last night is… it's freaking me out. Because isn't it weird to almost hook up with your best friend? Isn't it weird to get turned on so much that a touch of her hand makes you feel like you're about to explode?

A couple months ago I would have laughed at the idea of getting intimate with Brittany. Simply because there is this invisible border around all my friends that I would never cross. Friends are friends. And now that line around Brittany is fading and I can do nothing to stop it. She's not just a friend anymore. We didn't get asked if we were ok with a change. It just happened.

I know you can't help whoever you develop feelings for. So it's not Brittany's fault. It's mine, isn't it? I should have behaved like a responsible adult and have an elaborated talk about the situation to figure out what we were going to do. I should have told Brittany that my feelings are strictly platonic and then all this would have never happened. It would have been clear to her that we'll never be more than friends. I should have given her time. Not just a couple days.

But all I did was kiss Brittany in the kitchen of her restaurant and get her hopes up. Hope for something I can't give to her. Because let's face it; I suck at relationships. My ex-girlfriend Danielle and I split up because I never had enough time for her. Maybe I would have had it but I didn't give it to her because I always found it more important to hang out with my friends and have fun.

I met everyone of her family but I never took her back to Lima to introduce her to my parents. Yes, I loved her. I thought we were going to stay together for a longer time. But she wasn't ok with not being my first priority every single day which is understandable. Your girlfriend should always be your number one even if you spend time with your friends. I should have called her afterwards and ask her to spend the night in my dorm room. But I didn't do these things. I waited until she called me the next day.

I was a horrible girlfriend and that's why Danielle broke up with me eventually. Now I think I didn't even have the right to be brokenhearted after how I treated her.

Brittany deserves to get loved by someone who can make her happy. I didn't make Danielle happy and I also disappointed Kendra. How could I be a good girlfriend to Brittany? Platonic love isn't enough for a relationship. It's wrong even.

But that's how I feel… I mean… I always loved Brittany as a friend. And now she kind of makes my world turn upside down. Real feelings make everything so complicated. I don't want us to be complicated because we work so well as close friends. I'll lose that.

Or not?

But if my feelings for Brittany are strictly platonic then why does my heart make a jump whenever I think back of that kiss at the restaurant? Why do I feel dizzy when I remember what happened last night? I think of her all the time and she's sooo sexy. Why did I never notice before?

Ok, I guess I did notice. When I saw Brittany for the very first time I was just sitting there at a table and staring up at her. She came to introduce herself because Quinn and I were quickly becoming regular guests at the restaurant and Kurt wanted us to get to know his partner.

I remember how I thought: _Ok… that girl is really pretty. I wonder what she looks like without the hairnet on._

Those were my thoughts. And then she took the hairnet off and I smiled at her when she said that she'd like to invite us for another round of drinks. We became friends instantly. I also didn't exactly like her boyfriend at that time so when they broke off I was kind of relieved. He was weird! He always sniffled Brittany's hair when he thought that nobody was watching. Well… her hair does smell crazy good. It's that shampoo that has burned itself into my pillow.

But Brittany was dating a guy when I got to know her so I didn't even consider she might be anything other than straight. She was my friend. I was her friend. We were always friends.

And now I can't stop thinking about how we rolled around on my bed last night and how her eyes widened when I moaned at how good she felt on top of me.

Also she's the kindest girl ever. She should be mad at me but no, she catches a spider because I'm terrified of it. She watches a DVD with me although she has seen it several times before. She wipes color off my forehead because I was being clumsy. She's trying to be a friend although she has feelings for me.

She's really the greatest friend one could ask for because she's always there. Sometimes she calls just to ask what is up and sometimes she shows up with a bowl of leftovers from the restaurant.

She lets Rachel pay less rent because she doesn't make as much money and still Brittany sleeps in the smaller bedroom. She goes on walks with Rachel's dog Ryan because he loves going outside.

She goes shopping with Quinn for hours even though Brittany doesn't even like shopping that much. But she has a good taste in clothes and so Quinn always asks her for advice.

She takes over Kurt's shifts when his dad is sick and she works like she needs no sleep just to keep the restaurant opened.

She paints Mike's hair salon although she hates the smell of paint. It gives her a headache but she wanted to help.

I know all these things because it's hard not to notice how great she is. If she was standing in front of me right at this moment, I'd probably grab her face and kiss her. Because not only is she a great friend but she's even a greater kisser. I could have kissed her all night yesterday…

Ugh… this is not exactly what people call platonic love, is it? But what is it then?

"Are you lost or something?"

A voice snaps me back from my thoughts and I turn my head to look who's passing me by. It's Professor… uhm… what's her name again? Miller? Mayer?

"I'm sorry?" I mumble and look around. There is still no other student.

"I asked if you're lost. The lecture doesn't start for another thirty minutes. And you're not usually the one who's here first. Actually you're always the last one." Professor M states with an eyebrow perked up.

She walks to the front and puts her briefcase next to the speaker's desk.

"Oh uhm… yeah sorry about that. But your lectures are always so early in the morning so…"

"That's why I'm wondering why you're already here." She says and shrugs.

"I guess I wanted to be early for a change." I chuckle when I say it because it's true. I'm always the last person to come in here and find a seat.

"Your name is Lopez, am I right?"

"Yes, m'am." I say and watch how Professor M points the remote control to the projector to turn it on.

"Well Ms. Lopez… I've been getting the impression that you don't really want to know what is happening in my class. Your oral attendance resembles a mute's and whenever I look at you you're daydreaming about God knows what. Are you sure you chose the right studies? Like… do you even want to be here?"

Holy crap, can Professor M read my thoughts? How does she know that I'm always daydreaming? About Britt-

"Do you?" She asks and I sit up straight in my seat. Uhm… do I?

"I… yeah, I mean this is my third year. I've gotten this far so I – I'm certainly not going to stop now." I stutter and look around to see if I'm still the only student. I feel awfully alone.

Professor M's scrutinizing eyes bore into mine. I swallow. She totally knows how much I hate studying law. It's true! She can see right through me._ If you can read my mind, Professor… wink at me._

But she doesn't wink at me and only shakes her head.

"Well that was certainly not the answer I was hoping for. However… would you mind waiting outside until I'm ready to start with the lecture? The smell of caffeine disturbs my concentration." She points at my cup and I make a huffing noise. The hell?

I grab my stuff together and poke my tongue out when she's not looking.

Fine… I am certainly not going to step foot into this auditorium again today.

* * *

It's 10pm and a day later when my mood starts to lighten up. The five of us are sitting around two small tables in our favorite dance club and Mike just returned from the bar with a tray of shots.

"Here's to a fun night out with my best friends!" Mike shouts and bends down so we can all grab a glass. "You're all amazing and I love going out with you girls. It's a pity Kurt is working at the restaurant tonight but it means I get to be the guy who's out with four hot ladies so… I'm not gonna complain!" He adds. My eyes meet Brittany's.

The beat of the loud music is similar to the one inside my chest. Rapid and constant. The way Brittany's eyes dart to mine when Mike mentions 'best friends' is priceless. Ever since we got here we've been throwing hidden glances and get caught, thinking the other one is engrossed in a conversation.

We haven't talked about what happened. I figured that talking is not really our thing lately because it either ends with hugs or kisses or we just skip the talking part and end up making out in my bed. I still don't know how it could go this far.

Of course Quinn managed to make me tell her everything that happened. She even skipped Professor M's lecture which must have been a first for her. But she saw how I hurried out of the lecture hall yesterday and followed me until we were outside in the college yard. While sitting on a bench and getting tickled by the morning sun, I told Quinn how Brittany and I almost hooked up and that I have no idea how to read my confusing feelings.

She almost couldn't contain her excitement, admitting that she would love the idea of me and Brittany dating. I quickly made her drop the idea because it only reminded me of how terrible I am at dating.

We talked about those issues for a long time and Quinn tried to explain that maybe I was not good at being a girlfriend because I hadn't been with the right person, yet. I doubted it… and also how does she know that Brittany would be the right person?

However Quinn is now sitting next to me in this club and I can feel her eyes on me while mine are still trained on Brittany. This wordless staring contest is driving me a little insane to be honest. I'm trying to figure out if Brittany is mad at me by reading her expressions but she's wearing her poker face. Which probably means she's mad.

Should I have called her to talk? Mike's idea to go out dancing came kind of spontaneously and I didn't know if she would make it or if she'd be working at the restaurant. Maybe I should have called and ask if we're going to pretend like nothing happened? Because it looks like this is Brittany's plan.

I watch how she guides the shot glass to her lips and empties it in one go.

"Who's up for some dancing? This is my favorite song!" Rachel claps her hands together with a squeal. Mike immediately jumps up to offer Rachel his hand and guides her to the dance floor.

"Ok" Quinn mumbles while looking back and forth between me and Brittany. "This is going to be interesting."

I roll my eyes at her because this is not interesting but awkward. The three of us are sitting there and I have no idea what we could talk about so I let my glance wander around the club, pretending to find the dancing crowd extremely entertaining.

Didn't Brittany and I say that we never feel uncomfortable around each other? On the couch when we were watching a movie? And now this?

It's probably because Quinn knows what's going on. She knows that every single glance Brittany and I exchange means something.

"Brittany? Oh my God hi! I thought I saw you standing in line but I wasn't sure!"

I look up to see who the voice belongs to that is obviously thrilled to see Brittany. A young woman is standing next to our small table together with two other girls. She's got short blonde hair and she's very pretty. Wait, isn't this the new waitress J-

"Jess! Hey, how's it going? Aren't you working tonight?" Brittany greets her with a big smile on her face. She even gets up to give Jess two kisses on the cheek to say hello.

"No, Claire is taking over my shift because it's actually my birthday and so she was happy to help out."

"Seriously? I had no idea! Happy birthday!" Brittany takes her in for a hug and squeezes her gently.

Jess grins widely and thanks for the wishes when also Quinn tells her happy birthday. I don't because I'm holding my phone in my hand and pretending to read a short message that I didn't receive. But watching Brittany giving away warm hugs after she stared at me with those icy blue eyes… ouchie.

"You should totally come sit with us for a couple minutes! Drinks are on me tonight!" Jess says by leaning into Brittany. "Only if your friends don't mind, of course." She winks at me and Quinn. I just look at her without any hint of a smile.

Drinks are on her? Like all night? That is going to be so expensive. I bet she's one of those rich girls who got daddy's credit card to have a good time.

"I'm sure they don't mind." Brittany states with a smile and throws a quick look at me and Quinn. Actually just at Quinn. She ignores me skillfully.

Then she grabs her purse and lets Jess guide her to another table where a few guys are already waiting for them. Sweet…

"Sooo" Quinn speaks up and nudges my shoulder. "Am I right with my assumption that you haven't called her, yet to talk about what happened?" She wants to know. I make a huffing noise.

"Why do _I_ have to call _her_? She could have called me, too. It needs two people to almost hook up. Why do I have to be the one to make the first step?"

"Uhm because Brittany isn't someone who talks about feelings very often. You have no idea how much courage it took her to tell me about how much she likes you. It's hard for her to talk about that stuff so she needs someone who makes the first step."

"Oh and it's not hard for me? It totally is! I'm losing my best friend because we're either making out or not talking at all. It sucks not to talk to her."

"That's why you should just go to her!" Quinn says with a shrug. "She won't bite just because she didn't get her way with you the other night. Sorry about that by the way. I had no idea she was in your room."

"Oh my God, you did not just say that…" I whine and hide my face in my hands. Hearing Quinn talk about how Brittany would like to have her way with me is the most awkward thing ever. "Don't you see how complex this is? I can't just go to her and ask what is up. Because we both have no idea. And also is she dancing with Jess right now so why bother?" I mumble and watch how Jess and Brittany are making their way to the dance floor.

I totally got a gay vibe when Jess came over to say hello. Truth be told I think she even checked _me_ out for a second there. But seeing her holding Brittany's hand is like… bad. These two work together. That screams drama, right?

"I thought I'd let you know that you look like you're about to break that glass in your hand, Santana."

I pull my gaze away from Brittany and Jess and turn to look at Quinn who's giving my hand a critical look. I'm clutching the glass.

"Why are you staring at them like this? It's kind of creepy." Quinn says with her eyebrows knitted together.

I put the glass on the small table and shake my head.

"I don't know." I mumble confusedly. "That Jess girl is gay, I think."

"Oh, do you know her?"

"No. I mean look at them. I think she's trying to hit on Brittany. Do you think she's hitting on her?"

Quinn narrows her eyes when she looks at the dancing couple just a few meters away. Jess's friends are nowhere to be seen and Brittany seems to be having lots of fun. She laughs when Jess does a funny dance move. A funny dance move that also looks kind of sexy. She's trying to impress Brittany. A blind person could see it.

"It looks to me like they're just dancing and having fun like everybody else. Wait are you… are you jealous, Santana?"

I laugh and shake my head in denial. In a pathetic kind of way.

"It's ok to be jealous. It proves that Brittany means something to you." Quinn gathers with grin. Why does she want Brittany and me to happen so much?

"I never said that she means nothing to me. Of course she means something! More than that!" I sigh and watch how Brittany looks totally smitten with Jess on the dance floor. Has she already forgotten that I'm here? Secretly I was hoping we would end up dancing together and then maybe we could talk a little. Or just dance. Whatever…

"Well if she means that much to you then why don't you go over and ask her for a dance?" Quinn suggests innocently.

"What? Why? It would be kind of rude to interrupt. Wouldn't want to disturb their little party."

Quinn snorts with laughter before hitting my shoulder.

"You're so bad at being jealous. If you don't like what you see you should do something about it. Unless you want these two to leave together…"

"So you _do _think Jess is hitting on her?" I ask with a tremble in my voice because I suddenly can't spot Brittany when I let my eyes roam over the dancing crowd. I really am bad at being jealous.

I'm seriously jealous?

"You know what? I'll just ask if she's up for a drink. Would you like something, too?"

Quinn shakes her head with a hidden smirk. As if she's thinking:_ yeah right… just a drink._

But I don't let it disturb me and get up to make my way to where I last saw Brittany and Jess. It takes a while until find them but they're standing at the bar together with drinks in their hands. Damn… my plan just got ruined.

I try to turn around and hide behind a dancing guy but Brittany has already spotted me. Awkwardly I wave at her. Why did I just do that? Brittany gives me a funny look and sort of waves back which makes it only worse because I don't know what to do now.

Before my face can blush to the color of a raspberry, I act all unaffected and make my to the ladies' room. I bump into several people while doing so (I almost lose balance) but at least Brittany can't see me anymore.

Once I have reached the bathroom I step in front of one of the sinks and give myself an annoyed look in the mirror. What is wrong with me? Brittany can do whatever she wants. Wouldn't it be in my interest if she was flirting with someone else? It would mean that she might soon be getting over me and then we could be normal friends again. Because that's what I want; I don't want to lose her as a friend.

I click my tongue because my thoughts are upsetting me. Suddenly I'm not so sure what I want her to be. That night in my bedroom was… I mean phew… I've never gotten so flustered just by fooling around a little.

"Are you alright?"

Brittany's voice makes my knees go weak. She steps into the bathroom and when she appears by my side I stare at her face in the reflection of the mirror.

"I… yes. Why?" My voice sounds not like my own. It sounds like an insecure little girl's voice.

"You looked kinda lost out there. I thought maybe you were looking for me." She narrows her eyes when I slightly shake my head. "Or not…" She adds and scratches her forehead. "Well then… I'll go back to the dance floor."

She turns around and is about to leave when I cross my arms in front of my chest. I think of something good to say and make her stay. There is another girl standing by the sinks and refreshing her make-up but so what.

"It didn't really take you long, huh?" I ask trying to be bold but when Brittany turns around and piercers her eyes into mine, I instantly feel weak. So I grab the sink for support and sustain her glance.

"What do you mean?" She wants to know with a step towards me.

"I… I mean that Jess girl is pretty hot. It didn't take you long to forget about whatever feelings you had for me." I have no idea where these words come from. It's not even what I planned to say. And as if I'm not crossing lines already, I top myself with another comment: "Guess they weren't that serious."

Brittany is staring at me. I'm trying to stare back but my cockiness is gone sooner than I hoped. I think I might have just woken a sleeping dragon because Brittany's expression turns from curious to furious.

"You're such an idiot" She says calmly but her eyes stay cruel.

The girl who was putting on makeup grabs her stuff together and leaves the bathroom with quick steps. Probably to step out of the line of fire.

"Eh… Excuse me?" I mumble a little offended.

"Yes! An idiot! Do you really think just because I danced with Jess, I somehow magically switched off my feelings for you?"

"I…"

"And you think you're allowed to make a scene and give me a bad conscience? That's not fair, Santana." Her voice becomes lower until she's nearly whispering. "I'm not into Jess like that. We were just dancing. Actually she… she asked if you're single."

"Huh?" I breathe. My eyes must widen drastically.

"Yeah. She thinks you're hot or something… I think she might have laid an eye on you."

Not only do I feel small and weak right now, I am also embarrassed. It's like I'm punishing Brittany to no limits. I saw Jess checking me out but once she started dancing circles around Brittany, it really looked like she was hitting on _her_.

"I… I had no idea." I mumble. When I manage to glance up into Brittany's eyes, she gives me a sad look.

"Yeah well… if you want her number, I can give it to you." She says with a defeated shrug.

"Britt, come on… why would I want her number." I make a step towards Brittany but then the door gets opened and a group of girls storms inside. They gather around one of the sinks and they're all _'oh my gosh he kissed me on the dance floor in front of everyone!'._

Brittany and I exchange a quick look that says "I'm out of here" and we turn around to get to the door that leads us back to the dance floor.

I follow Brittany a couple steps and grab her wrist before she can disappear in the crowd.

"Britt, wait a sec-"

"Just leave me alone, Santana." Her chin is trembling but she sounds so determined. "It's… it's too confusing to be around you. What happened in your dorm room was obviously just fun for you so I don't know why you get mad when I dance with someone else."

It's hard to understand everything she says because the music is so loud and people are dancing around us.

"What makes you think that it was just fun?" I want to know. Brittany raises her shoulders and shakes her head.

"Because you would have called me otherwise. If it means something to you then you call the person."

"Why didn't _you_ call _me_ then?" I counter. Brittany seems to be caught off guard for a moment. Guess she wasn't prepared for a question like that, huh.

"I mean…" She begins and crosses her arms in front of her chest while I'm waiting for an explanation. "Why didn't you call _me_?"

I knit my eyebrows together because this is getting complicated.

"Britt, that's the same question I just asked you."

She blinks several times, remaining silent. I can literally see how she's trying to think of any words to say but nothing will come to her mind.

"You know what? Forget it!" And then she turns around and leaves me standing there.

Forget it? _Forget it_ is all I get?

I exhale an incredulous laugh and look around to see if there's someone who witnessed the odd conversation. But everyone's busy dancing or making out.

_Forget it... _unbelievable.

With a deep sigh I make my way to the small tables in the back. Mike and Rachel are sitting there sipping on delicious looking cocktails and they are definitely quite a bit drunk already. Once I reach them Rachel offers me a sip of her cocktail but I don't share drinks with Rachel.

Also I'm not really in the mood to party anymore. And so I grab my jacket and say goodbye to them halfheartedly. I'm pretty sure Quinn is somewhere with Brittany and they're talking about me right at this moment.

I'm too proud to go find them. Brittany said I should leave her alone anyway so… fine. I'll leave her alone.

* * *

I awake with a start and look around in the darkness of my room. My heart is beating fast because I dreamed how all my friends went on a trip without me and when I called Quinn she said that they decided to be on Brittany's side.

Why would they be on Brittany's side? Why would they have to pick a side in the first place?

When I listen closely I can hear the reason I woke up. There's a constant knock on the door to our room and it keeps getting louder. A look at my alarm clock confuses me. It's 3.30 in the morning. A couple hours ago I was walking home from the dance club while my friends were still inside and having a good time. Or talking about me…

Who's at our door in the middle of the night?

I grab my baseball bat from under my bed and slowly make my way out of my bedroom across the tiny living room. I stole the bat from my brother because not even at college you're safe from unwanted guests. One day I came here during my lunch break and there was a guy sleeping on our couch with nothing but a green thong on. After a party he ended up in our room instead of the one next door.

"Quinn!" I hiss towards her room but she's probably fast asleep.

I clutch the bat in my left hand when I open the door just a couple inches to peek outside. There's no naked dude wearing a green thong standing outside or anything as horrible as that.

"Britt?" I whisper when I open the door to get a closer look.

She's still wearing the same clothes she wore to the club but she's holding her high heels in her hands and her hair looks really messy.

"What… why aren't you home? Have you been at the club till now?"

She avoids my eyes at first and plays with the shoes in her hands. I can tell she's not drunk. She's just standing there all lost and shivering.

"Mike, Rachel and I danced for hours. It was fun…" She says with a low voice. Suddenly I remember what _I'm_ wearing. Shorts and a tank top and I tremble now that I'm no longer lying under my blanket. "And then I walked around town for a while to clear my head."

"You walked in the streets all alone in the middle of the night? Britt that's not funny."

"Yeah…" She mumbles. Finally she looks at me. She's not that much taller if neither of us is wearing shoes. "Somehow I ended up on campus. I was walking without thinking much but suddenly I was standing in front of your building."

Without warning she steps close to me and her face is right in front of mine. I swallow at the sudden closeness and hold the bat a little tighter.

"How did you even get in here?" I ask with a faint voice. Brittany just shrugs.

"My secret… but what's important is that I know why you were mad at me and Jess."

"You… know?"

"Yes. You were jealous." She breathes which makes me shiver even more.

Busted…

I didn't want to believe it when Quinn told me I was jealous but now that Brittany's standing right in front of me and saying those words… it makes lots of sense.

"You were jealous because you didn't want me to dance with another girl and don't you deny it, please." Her empty hand wanders to my waist, my breath hitches in my throat. Is there even a point in denying it? "So I made the first step and came here. Show me that it was worth it, San…"

She's hanging on my lips and I'm hanging on her words. Does she want me to take her inside? Continue where we left of the other night?

"But Quinn is-"

"Quinn is fast asleep." She states with a soft shrug. Her hand on my waist pulls me close to her. "It's up to you…"

Brittany closes her eyes and lets her forehead rest against mine.

It's up to me…

* * *

**Chapter 8**

What do I say to that? What do I _do?_

Brittany is standing in front of me, her breath hits my cheek. If I turned my head just a little bit, our lips would touch. But thinking about it, it's not _really_ up to me. Brittany came here at almost four o' clock in the morning and she's begging me to do something.

I'm scared. So scared to do the wrong thing. But I don't want her to go. Because I have never felt such a desire to hold her close and kiss her sorrows away. I'm not the only one who's scared… her eyes are filled with longing next to fear of losing - that's why she closes them. She's begging me silently with her hand on my waist and her forehead resting against mine. Begging me to get her out of her misery.

So no… it's not up to me.

Her arms wrap around my neck when I pull her close. A sigh of relief leaves her lips which makes me shiver. We don't look into each other's eyes when I stumble backwards to guide her inside. Instead we hide our faces in each other's necks. Brittany drops her high heels at the same time I drop the baseball bat after closing the door.

My heart starts throbbing when our bodies are pressed flush against each other. A little clumsily we make our way to my bedroom. That's when I realize that I haven't even said anything ever since Brittany said _'It's up to you'._

"You're cold" I whisper against her skin. Brittany hums in agreement. "Where is your jacket?"

"Didn't wear one tonight." She breathes while my fingers roam over the silky material of her short dress. Did she seriously walk around in the streets like this?

"You have probably caught a cold tonight"

"Maybe…"

Once we're inside of my bedroom, I pull back to have a look at her face. There's only the light of the lamp on my bedside table which tells me that Brittany's cheeks are a little flushed although her body feels cold.

I throw a quick glance towards my bed with the cuddly blanket. I know that Brittany always catches a cold whenever she's outside at night without wearing a scarf. Even in summer. She gets a sore throat so easily making her feel miserable every single time. I know it because I have seen it happening way too many times.

And since I know this, I need to make sure she's warm and good and not going to get a cold.

"We could… warm up under the sheets." I suggest with a tremble in my voice. We both know she's not here to get warm though…

Unless I read the signals wrong? Maybe she just wants to sleep here as in sleep next to each other? Crash at my place?

"Ok" She whispers with a nod.

At first I thought this was going to be a scene like in the movies. Where two people exchange one longing glance and the next thing they know is how they're making out while ripping the clothes off each other's bodies. But we're different than that because we're such close friends. Ripping clothes off Brittany's body has never crossed my mind before.

Still her dress looks really uncomfortable to lie down so even if I don't rip it off, she should get rid of it.

"Do you want something to wear? Like a comfy shirt or anything?" I ask when we step away from each other.

Brittany just looks at me with an expression that I'm not quite sure how to read. Silently she opens the zipper of her dress on the side, slowly shaking her head. I swallow when Brittany lets the dress sink down to the floor and gracefully steps out of it.

She's standing in front of me wearing nothing but dark blue underwear, her hair lies wavy over her shoulders and her eyes are hooded. Frankly this must be the prettiest she has ever looked… our eyes meet. I can't help a shy smile forming on my lips. I feel the urge to touch her but next to the fact that I want to be close to her, I am still worried because her body is shivering. At this time I am not sure if it's because she's cold or because of another reason.

"You sure you don't want anything to wear?" I husk and make a step towards her.

"Yeah" She mumbles with a soft smile when I reach for her hand. "I'm freezing though."

"But then please take one of my shirts-"

"There's… another way to get warm." She interrupts. "I mean just like you said. By lying under the uh… u-under the sheets of… your bed." She clears her throat and throws a look at my bed.

I nod wordlessly because I'm still unsure about what is going to happen. She knows I was jealous when she was dancing with Jess. She came here because of that after all. There has been this unbearable tension ever since what happened last time we were alone in my room and the thought of it makes my insides tingle. But what is going to happen now? Will curiosity win me over? Or will she regret coming here and leave before anything happens?

Silently we step towards the bed, both on different sides and when I crawl underneath the covers, Brittany does the same. We meet in the middle. I close my eyes when our knees bump together once we lie down on our sides.

"I'm not drunk" Brittany whispers. At first I want to laugh at the comical situation but then I feel her hand grabbing my wrist under the blanket. I just look at her, unsure about what I'm supposed to say.

"I don't want you to think that I came here because I was drunk or something."

"Ok" I whisper and let my eyes wander over her face.

Curiously and a bit insecurely she gazes at me. But mostly she looks at me with those eyes that are _pleading_ for something to happen.

"Britt… before we do anything, I want you to-"

I stop talking because of the weight that rolls on top of me and the lips that capture mine for a kiss.

She cups my face with her hands and automatically my arms wrap around her upper body to make sure she stays where she is. I wanted to tell her that I'm not trying to play with her but then she interrupted me with that attack and our lips are gently moving against each other now.

It's ridiculous how fast my pulse is racing at 4am in the morning.

"Please…" She whispers against my lips and shakes her head. "Let's not discuss it right now."

Her eyebrows are slightly knitted together, her hands still near my face.

"I know there are about one thousand reasons why I shouldn't be here… but…" Her voice is just a breath and she looks so desperate. She looks like what I feel at the inside right now; torn between the right thing to do and the maddening curiosity.

"Can you… can you please do something so that I don't feel like I'll be the only one to blame after tonight?"

I look at her through hooded eyes and try to figure out the meaning of her words while I subconsciously let my hands wander over the naked skin of her back. We have never touched like this. Sure, we've seen each other wearing bikinis when the six of us went on a trip to the sea last summer but back then I didn't look at Brittany the same way that I do now.

_"Brittany has a super neat body, don't you think?"_ I asked Quinn when we were lying on the beach and watching Brittany and Mike playing Frisbee. But I just liked looking at Brittany's body because it was so well-trained and not because I was feeling attracted to her. I mean… at least that's what I think. Was I maybe already attracted to her last summer and I just didn't notice? Can you even be that blind…

She looks so lost above me trying to be courageous but realizing that she won't be brave enough. Like getting all excited about jumping off a diving board and then back out before taking the last step.

A jump between our lips but really it's so much more.

She's still waiting for me to do something and every minute that goes by it becomes a little harder to breathe because her weight presses down on me – in a terribly good way. But it causes a slight lack of oxygen in my brain. Tomorrow we can blame it on our malfunctioning brains that lead us to lying naked in each others' arms. Tonight we both just want answers.

"You really want this?" I husk when our lips brush against each other. If she says yes then I won't be able to tame myself. Knowing that she came here in the middle of the night to be with me makes me feel nervous and special and there's no way to deny but also; so turned on.

She bores her eyes into mine and brushes her thumb over my cheek. It's answer enough.

A whimper tumbles over her lips when I lift my head to kiss her. My skin burns.

I cradle her in my arms and push up to guide her into a sitting position. If we're gonna do this, then I need it to be right. With a swift motion I pull my shirt over my head and toss it somewhere over her shoulder to the floor.

But I did forget that I wasn't wearing a bra underneath and when Brittany's arms slowly wander around my neck to hold me close, an unintentional gasp leaves my mouth. I've never been topless in front of Brittany.

She seems just as surprised and rests her forehead against mine while looking down between our torsos. She's breathing noticeably harder which makes me consider putting back on my shirt but then she starts kissing my cheeks.

Her thighs squeeze my waist when I let my hands wander up her back to fumble on the clasp of her bra.

"Would that be too much?" I breathe against her lips to make sure if I'm even allowed to do what is on my mind. Brittany shakes her head and my heart starts beating faster although it's already racing.

For a second it looks like I'm too clumsy to undo the clasp but when it finally snaps open, I wrap my arms tightly around Brittany's body. My forehead presses against her cheek and when she turns her head to kiss my temple, I can't put into words how intimate that gesture feels.

We stay in that position for several seconds which all pound in my chest like a hammer. I never would have thought that having Brittany in my lap like this would make me so nervous and craving for even more contact.

I never would have thought of Brittany sitting in my lap wearing nothing but her panties in the first place. But here we are. And this time we've gone way too far to stop. Because we both don't _want _to stop.

As bold as a never before I lift my hand to guide it between our upper bodies and underneath her bra which is still hanging somewhere between us. When I gently cup one of Brittany's breasts, I almost pass out.

Sometimes I talk a lot and make people believe that nothing could irritate me and that I'm super confident about everything. I often laugh at things when actually they make me feel insecure and I have maybe once in my life cried in front of my friends because I'm way too introverted to show too many feelings.

But the truth is that I'm vulnerable, too. And Brittany seems to have some magical skills or something because she makes me show that vulnerability. I could cry when she's sitting in my lap and kissing my forehead - as if I was something special.

Her lips tremble when they meet mine for another shy but longing kiss. That's when I realize that I'm actually cupping her breast and that it feels pretty damn awesome.

I love her boobs. I seriously love them. With my free hand I toss her bra away and start exploring the rest of her body. Her skin feels so hot but also so soft. Like burning velvet if that makes sense…

Our tongues meeting between our parted lips is like a shock to my system but I think I manage quite well to cover it up by moaning softly into her mouth. She pushes into my touch which encourages me to let my hand wander from her lower back to her thigh and back and forth. Her fingers comb my hair and she whimpers when I accidentally graze the skin dangerously close to her center with my thumb.

But when it happens again it can't be called accidentally anymore. I can't believe how shamelessly I start tickling her inner thigh. Only when she cups my hand with her own I become aware of how rapidly we're moving towards something that I'll never be able to stop.

Slowly she guides my hand where she apparently needs it the most and gasps against my lips. That's even bolder than I was.

I cup her center over her underwear. I can tell by what I feel that she's beyond turned on. It's overwhelming and bit frightening. If we have this effect on each other then what will happen once there is no piece of clothing left between us?

But something tells me that we won't even get there tonight and that something is Brittany's erratic breath against my ear. Somehow our lips must have parted from that kiss.

I'm not even really touching her. My hand is just cupping her lightly but Brittany is panting. The fact that she's reacting like this to a simple connection is the hottest, sexiest and most erotic thing I've ever witnessed. Incredulously I watch how Brittany's jaw drops down while her eyes shut tightly, her hands grabbing the back of my neck making everything so intense.

Her hips rock against my hand once. She sighs before doing it again. And again. And again. Before I know it, Brittany is trembling and shaking in my arms and a moan leaves her lungs.

"Oh my God" She hums weakly before collapsing around my neck. I hold her tight to help her down from her climax.

I'm not sure I understand what just happened but when I pull my head back a little to catch a glimpse of her face, I swallow emptily. Brittany's face glows and a tear is rolling down her cheek. Without asking I can tell that it's a tear of embarrassment.

She avoids my eyes by keeping hers closed. Something inside my chest aches to see her like this.

"Hey…" I whisper and lean in to kiss her cheek. The teardrop tastes salty on my lips but it's still the sweetest thing. "Hey" I repeat and nudge her nose with mine until she opens her eyes to look at me. "That was beautiful. Don't cry…"

Before she can say anything I wrap my arms around her body and pull her with me down onto the mattress. I know she doesn't want to go further tonight. She hides her face in the crook of my neck. Our chests are still moving erratically against each other when I stroke over her hair.

With my other hand I reach down to pull the blanket up to our middles although our bodies are so warm against each other.

"Do you think I'm weird now?" Brittany asks with a low voice after a couple minutes.

"What? Are you kidding?" I tickle the skin on her back and press a kiss to her shoulder. "Why would I think that?"

She lifts her head to support it in the palm of her hand.

"Because you were probably expecting something else and how we'd be doing this for hours since you have much more experience than I do and… and-"

"Britt…" I interrupt her gently with a squeeze to her waist. "I wasn't expecting anything. In fact… you kinda surprised me a little bit there by showing up at 3.30 in the morning."

Her lips form into a smile when I chuckle softly. Then she nods once and lets her head sink back down into the pillow.

We're both too overwhelmed and probably also too tired to have a deep and meaningful talk about whether we made a mistake tonight or whether this brought us closer than ever before. That's not even a question though… something has definitely changed, I'm just not sure what it is.

* * *

It's hours later when I awake with a start. The weight that was on top of me and the steady breath that helped me fall asleep are gone. For a second I fear that Brittany grabbed her things and sneaked out of the room while I was asleep.

But when I turn my head I see blonde hair right in front of me. She's still lying in my bed and sleeping on her stomach with her arms under the pillow. That's why my neck is aching. She stole my pillow.

The morning sun is shining into my room since once again I forgot to close the blinds before going to bed. But right now I don't regret that I forgot. The sun shines onto Brittany's hair and tickles the skin of her bare shoulder. Pale meets gold and I smile when I let my eyes wander over her pretty blonde hair.

Like summergold…

I wonder if that's even a real word while I play with a stray of her hair. Her lips twitch and I can see her eyes moving behind her eyelids. I kind of hope she's dreaming of me…

I shake my head at the childish thought. I'm about to turn away from her to get some more sleep when something hits my shoulder. Brittany is moving in her sleep and her wandering hand seems to be looking for something. It only comes to a rest when I take it into mine and scoot close to spoon Brittany's side.

My other hand sneaks under the sheets and gently runs over her back before my eyelids become heavy and I join her in the land of dreams.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Brittany's POV…**

"Let me get this straight. You spent the night in our room? Last night you were there and I didn't hear you leave in the morning?" Quinn asks with an incredulous look. I just nod silently. Still not quite sure if this really happened.

Quinn and I are sitting at the bar of the restaurant with a cup of coffee in our hands. She's been trying to get me to tell her what happened last night.

"You're saying you spent the night in Santana's bed? As in spending it _with_ her? Together? Like… you were in the same bed? As in sleeping _with_ each other? Like… you had sex?"

"Oh my God" I whine and bury my face in my hands. Hearing it from someone else makes it so much more real and crazy. Except that that's not quite what happened. I have no idea what that thing Santana and I did is called. Was it sex? Or did we just fool around, lost some clothes and got a bit carried away? But then again it can't be called fooling around and making out anymore if at least one person gets an orgasm.

I can't believe that happened to me…

"Well we definitely weren't wearing all our clothes anymore and… stuff happened." I croak with my cheeks feeling as hot as fire.

"Ok first of all – holy crap, I can't believe my two best friends are actually about to develop a _thing_ but then again it's also super exciting as I have been secretly rooting for you and Santana to end up together for a while now. I'm probably not going to ask for details about how you two… you know. But why are you blushing like an idiot? Was it not good?" She nudges my elbow encouragingly.

I groan and shake my head repeatedly, replaying the happenings of last night. Every time I remember those incredibly embarrassing but also pretty amazing seconds where I - came in Santana's arms, I feel like hiding somewhere. Why didn't I do something to stop us? I should have told her that we needed to slow down and take a couple minutes to breathe but no, I even put her hand between my legs because I was about to explode with need.

She must think of me like I'm some teenaged hormonal boy. She probably never wants to repeat what happened last night ever again.

"Something really embarrassing happened when we… you know… started." The last word comes out with another sigh.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I kind of…" There's no way to make it sound less embarrassing. "Couldn't hold back". Quickly I take another sip of coffee hoping that Quinn will just let it go. But of course she won't. I can feel her eyes on my cheek and I'm pretty sure she's suppressing laughter.

"Britt that's nothing to be embarrassed about-"

"Yes it is! Especially because I walked all the way to the dorm room in the middle of the freaking night to seduce her! Somehow I foolishly thought that I would be totally ready for this but I was being so naïve. I have never done this. I'm a complete virgin when it comes to girls!"

"Come on. It can't have been that bad. It happens to everyone."

"Uh no it _doesn't_? It has never happened to me before. And afterwards we just… fell asleep. I didn't even get to return the favor although I would have wanted to. But I don't even know how I would have done that! Why did I show up at her door in the middle of the night? Why Quinn, why?"

Quinn gives me a compassionate smile and squeezes my shoulder.

"Don't worry so much, Britt. Santana didn't laugh at you or anything, right?"

"No. She even said that it was… beautiful." Another wave of heat shoots across my face at the thought. Did she seriously think that? "It's just that… you know I have imagined it so many times. I always wondered what it would be like to do these things with her and how amazing it would be so I was totally overwhelmed when it finally happened. It was like a sensory overload. We were kissing and she was touching me and we were in her _bed_ in the middle of the night and had been throwing glances at each other at the club all evening long and then she was acting jealous when I danced with Jess… It was just too much at one time and I didn't know how to stop. I'm so embarrassed."

For a while Quinn and I just sit next to each other in silence, both reveling in thoughts. I have no idea how it's going to continue. Secretly I'm begging my phone to signal that Santana wrote a message but at the same time I'm scared about what it will say. Will she want to see me? Forget about what happened last night?

In the morning she kissed me goodbye… but I don't know if she just did that to make me feel better or if she really wanted to kiss me.

Are we going to kiss on the lips next time we see each other? Probably not… couples do that. But Santana and I aren't a couple. We're God knows what.

"I think the two of you shouldn't be embarrassed about anything. Don't you think it's beautiful if two friends find together like this? I mean it's the ultimate love story." Quinn fantasizes.

"Except that I'm not sure it's a love story." I counter sadly. "Santana hasn't said anything about having romantic feelings for me. She's obviously attracted but that doesn't mean this is going to be a love story. Maybe she just wants some fun? I don't think she'll ever fall in love with me…"

"Britt, you're so pessimistic. How do you think you'll find happiness if you keep talking like that? But also I don't want you to get hurt so I highly recommend you guys take things slow and not jump into it without thinking."

"I'm afraid that already sort of happened last night."

"But then you should talk about it. Santana needs to know that she can't play with you. I'll kick her ass so hard if she hurts you. Just so you know."

I respond with a pained chuckle and let my head rest against Quinn's shoulder.

"Thanks Q… you're a great friend."

* * *

**Santana's POV**

I only realize I have a silly grin my face when I walk past a shop window and throw a glance at my reflection. Did I walk with that goofy smirk on my face all around town? I bet people can see right through me and they know what I did last night.

My heart flutters at the memory. Crazy…

When I woke up in the morning Brittany was lying on top of me. She was still fast asleep and covering me like a blanket which was an unfamiliar but pleasant way to wake up. She began to stir when I tickled her back and when she opened her eyes I noticed that we were both still topless. As I said. Unfamiliar but pleasant…

We grinned sheepishly. I asked her if she slept alright.

"The question is if _you_ slept alright with me lying on top of you. Were you even able to breathe?" She answered and rolled onto the mattress, our hands entwined under the sheets.

"Actually I slept perfectly fine like this." I whispered and got lost in her eyes.

Later I watched her crawl out of bed to take a closer look at her wrinkled dress that she wore to the club.

"Do you want to borrow some of my clothes to walk home?" I offered. She smiled thankfully when I handed her a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of The Ramones. I'm not even a fan of that band but it's one of my favorite shirts and when I observed Brittany pulling it over her head I swallowed hard. I never knew that I'd find it so sexy to see her in my clothes.

I also gave her a pair of sneakers that fit her perfectly as we have the same shoe size and I walked her to the door. Only when I received a playful slap on my arm I realized that I had grabbed her butt. But seriously her ass looked so fine in my jeans.

"So uh… I'll see you soon?" She asked me sheepishly when she was already standing in the hallway. There were no students around so I stepped close to her and pulled her close by gently grabbing the back of her neck.

I pressed my lips to hers which made my heart jump. She sucked in her bottom lip afterwards. I thought it was the cutest thing.

"I'll see you soon." I mumbled with a smile and watched her go with her dress and heels in her hand.

I don't actually know how soon we will see each other again, let alone what we would be doing. Usually we all see each other all the time and hang out at either Brittany's and Rachel's place or at the restaurant. Sometimes we go for coffee at Mike's hair salon and sometimes Kurt invites us to his place.

But if we all hang out with each other now what will Brittany and I do? I already know that I'll feel the urge to sit close to her and steal another one of those kisses but I can't just do that. What would our friends say?

Quinn obviously already knows that something's going on but Kurt? Usually he's the one I go to when I have girl trouble. Not that Brittany is girl trouble… unless she is? Am I in trouble for this? It doesn't feel like trouble, yet. But in the back of my head I can feel it coming my way. This is not just fun for Brittany. And for me? I have no idea.

I don't know if I want a relationship with Brittany. Don't know if I want to go back to just being friends. I don't think I _can _go back though. There's already too much. Too much of what?!

Help…

Despite the turmoil inside my head my smile grows wider when I reach into my pocket to get my buzzing phone as there is a text from Brittany.

_Brittany (3.44pm): Hey I still have your clothes. Want to come by the restaurant later so I can return them?_

Quickly I type a reply and wonder if she really just wants to return the clothes or if she's been as eager as me to see each other again. It's only been a couple hours which is ridiculous.

_Me (3.46pm): I was just on my way back to college after lunch with my cousin. I can be there in 5 minutes._

_Brittany (3.48pm): Ok. See you!_

With a grin I turn around on my heels to go into the other direction and crash into an elderly man who has apparently been walking right behind me.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" I pick up the bag that he dropped and apologize several more times because he looks a little shaken. Then with quick steps I make my way to the Hummel Restaurant.

* * *

We've been sitting at our table in the back of the restaurant and sipping tea. There are only two or three guests at the moment and one of the waiters is taking care of them so Brittany can take a break.

She's no longer wearing my clothes because she gave them back to me first thing when I stepped inside twenty minutes ago.

Brittany is one of those people who hate it more than anything if she needs to borrow stuff from other people or owes money to her friends. She always thinks she's being a burden if someone does her a favor or lends her cash or anything.

I took the clothes back but honestly I wouldn't mind seeing her wear my favorite shirt all the time. It looks so much better on her.

It was a little awkward at first because the other waiter was standing right next to us so I wasn't going to hug or kiss Brittany or something like that. Even if we had been alone I wouldn't have dared to just lean in for a kiss - although just a couple hours ago I did exactly that.

She offered me something to drink and once we were seated at the table we started talking with low voices. She told me how she sneaked off campus and that she earned a couple strange looks when she did so.

"Rachel was still in her room when I came home. I think she was too drunk last night to notice that I spent the night somewhere else." Brittany chuckles. She takes another sip of her tea.

"Are you going to tell her?" I ask and watch how she licks her lips.

Focus!

"Tell her what?"

"You know… about what happened?"

"Why would I tell her?"

"Because she's your roommate and close friend."

"Just because she's my close friend doesn't mean that I tell her everything. Don't worry… our secret is safe with me."

I laugh softly at that because I can see right through her.

"While I do believe that you haven't told Berry about us, I am only one hundred percent sure that Quinn was already here and made you tell her every detail about what's been going on."

Brittany's eyes widen. Busted…

"I… I mean it's not like I told her _everything_… how the hell do you know I talked to Quinn?" Brittany exclaims.

"Because I know you and your liar face."

"My liar face?"

"Yes. Every time you say something that is not true you look down at your hands and your face does that weird thing. Your cheeks turn a little pink and you put a stray of hair behind your ear."

Brittany blushes at how well I can read her and then kicks my shin under the table.

"Stop it! That's not true, I don't turn pink when I lie."

"Of course you do. You even do it right now."

Brittany makes a huffing noise. She rolls her eyes, trying to shrug it off.

"It's not like you never turn red, you know?" She mumbles while playing with her cup.

"When?"

"Like… last night. When we, you know…" Brittany trails off. Our eyes meet for a glance that pierces into me. Memories of last night rush through my mind.

"Oh…" I whisper and bite my lip. I guess she might be right. Last night my face felt like it was burning when I took off her bra and touched… her boobs.

I shift in my seat and shake my head to push the memory out of my head.

"Well ok then. It's hard not to blush when something hot like that happens." I mumble and clear my throat. Seriously? Am I about to blush again while _talking_ about it?

Brittany stares at me and then shrugs with a pained smile.

"I know. I was so embarrassed" She whispers. At first I don't know what she means.

"Huh?"

"When… when we only just started and I… uhm…"

"Oh! N-no I wasn't talking about that! I mean I wasn't blushing because you ca- … I was blushing because of _everything_ that happened. The two of us making out and losing clothes and… I mean it was pretty steamy." Brittany nods. "Actually..." I continue. Brittany's eyes meet mine again. "It was so sexy. Watching you… I probably sound like a perv. But it was… yeah… hot." A grin forms on Brittany's face.

"You really think so?"

I make a hissing noise to make my point and bob my head.

"Yeah! You're incredibly beautiful, Britt."

I can see her swallow at my words and my whole body jerks when her foot bumps against my shin under the table.

A chuckle leaves her lips. She looks a whole lot more at ease than a couple minutes ago.

"Why thank you" She says sweetly and puts another strand of hair behind her ear.

"There" I point out. "You just did it again."

"What?"

"The hair thing. Which means you're either lying or nervous. I kind of have a feeling it's me who makes you nervous."

_Actually_… it's _her_ who makes _me_ nervous.

"You're so full of yourself, do you know that?" Brittany counters and tries to hit my arm playfully. I reach across the table and catch her hand with mine, our eyes never leaving each other. It's hard to tell who's wearing the goofier grin.

Our hands come to a rest when hers settles comfortably in mine. My thumb strokes her palm. Brittany hums softly.

"Sorry about telling Quinn" She says after a while.

I just shrug because I know how Quinn can be.

"That's ok. If Quinn wants to know about something she'll torture you until you spit it out."

"Yeah but I don't want you to think that I go talk about us behind your back all the time."

"I know"

"Ok"

We stay silent for another couple minutes where our fingers play with each other. It's surprisingly calming. I wonder why we never did this before. Just holding hands.

I guess normal friends don't do that in such an intimate way.

I watch how Brittany's free hand fumbles with the spoon in her cup of tea and how her face suddenly turns more serious.

"Santana… despite the fact that last night was really short - it was special to me. I kind of need to know what it meant to you. I mean… what are we? Was this just a onetime thing? Or can you imagine that we would… I don't know… go on a date or something?"

I swallow because it catches me off guard. It really shouldn't because I knew that we would have to play with open cards sooner or later. But now that she's asking me and I need to answer, I feel a lump forming in my throat.

Dating…

Dating will lead into a relationship.

"Uh" I knit my eyebrows together deep in thoughts about relationships and the experiences I have made so far. "Honestly I don't know." I admit.

"It's just that I have these… issues." I go on and try to hide the sudden insecurity in my voice. "When I was dating Danielle I completely screwed up towards the end. I'm pretty sure she hates my guts now. If I'd end up hurting you I'd lose you as my friend. I don't think I could stand that. I'm not good at this Britt. I'm not even sure if I have ever been in love. What if I'm not meant for relationships? Wouldn't you hate it if this ruined our friendship?"

Brittany gazes at me and the joy in her eyes gets replaced by bitterness. I'm ruining it before it has even started. Because I'm a coward.

"I wasn't even talking about a relationship." She says with a low voice. "I thought maybe a _date_ would make things clearer." Her hand still lies in mine. I squeeze it. "I know you have these issues with relationships. I wasn't going to force anything on you."

"But let's assume we went on a date and it was great. That would probably lead into another date and before we know it we're at this point where we want to know whether we're in a relationship or not."

"And would that really be so bad?" Brittany asks. The hope in her eyes almost kills me. The lump hurts in my throat. "Maybe we would be so good together" She breathes.

A piece of my heart breaks away and floats from me to her. If she can feel it, too she'll look up into my eyes.

She does with a squeeze of her hand.

"I don't think I can do it" I can hardly breathe when I tell her that but what's the point of giving her hope for something that I will ruin in the end? I'll hurt her and hurt myself while doing so. Because I'm not good at this.

Brittany's head sinks down. She nods slowly. Her hand pulls back from mine which makes me feel endlessly miserable.

"I uh… I should go back to the kitchen. Guests will be here soon and I need to prepare dinner." She sounds so hurt and the way she avoids my eyes speaks volumes.

"Brittany I'm scared of hurting y-"

"Of hurting me. I know." She finishes my sentence and gets up from the table. "As I said; I never meant to force you into anything. I can try to forget about what happened."

"No, that's not what I want-" I try to explain but Brittany just shrugs with a sad face.

"It's not what I want, either but I can't have you half way. Because _that_ is what would ruin our friendship and not the fact that there are feelings involved."

Trying to understand Brittany's words I get up, too and follow her when she leaves the table.

She stops in front of the kitchen to turn around and face me.

"I know you're not sure about what kind of feelings you have for me because all this happened really fast. I never expected a love confession so I could tie you into a relationship with me that would apparently ruin our friendship."

Hanging on every word she says I watch her desperately.

"Just a date…" She adds with a soft shrug of her shoulder.

We look at each other. It's hard to put into words everything that gets exchanged with that one glance.

Actually it doesn't sound so frightening. A date…

"Think about it. That's all I'm asking you. Ok?"

I nod slowly and admire how Brittany manages to put something like a smile on her lips.

Then she disappears inside the kitchen and leaves me standing there.

A date…

I don't even remember the last time I was on a proper date.

It does make my insides tingle when I think about it.

A date…

And it doesn't sound that scary actually.

A date with Brittany.


	4. Part IV

**Chapter 10**

"Ok so… I thought maybe I could invite her for a drink at her own restaurant. I mean that's cheap but it's also genius if you think about it. Because for the first time she will be an official guest at the restaurant she actually works for and she can lean back and enjoy a drink while someone else is working. She deserves to sit back for a change, right? She's been working like a maniac."

Quinn nods with a smile while holding a skirt up to her waist. We've been strolling through a shopping mall for hours because I still need to find a nice outfit for tonight. Nothing seems to be quite good enough.

"That's actually a sweet idea. But that's not going to be the whole date, is it? Because then it _would_ be kind of cheap."

"No, no" I shake my head because of course that's not the whole date. I've been thinking it through for a whole week and making plans on how I could take Brittany out on a date. I kept coming up with new ideas because I want it to be special.

Taking Brittany out on a date…

Still sounds kind of strange. But not in a bad way. We've just never done it. We both have been on dates before and even talked to each other about it. But a date together is a whole new thing.

"First we'll have a drink and talk a bit about our day… maybe I'll even order some of their delicious appetizers. You know the bruschetta? It's amazing. No wait… Brittany always makes these so I guess they won't be as good if Kurt makes them. But I guess I could order shrimps or something? I mean I'll invite her of course. And then later we'll go dancing because you know how much she loves to dance, right? She's been talking about this club and that she wants to go there so badly but it's super hard to get on the guest list. Well…" I can't suppress the wide grin on my face because it's just too good. Quinn looks at me expectantly.

"Turns out my cousin is a bar keeper there which is not only super cool but he also managed to put me and Britt on the guest list. Tonight."

"Oh wow! She's going to flip out! That's so cool…" Quinn seems deeply impressed. I do hope so much that Brittany will love it.

"You think so? Oh and I thought maybe we could go on a night walk afterwards. She loves walking at night. I mean I assume so since she came all the way to our dorm room last time she was out dancing. It'd be really nice, right? Walking in the streets at night and watching the stars? Maybe even hold hands for a bit?"

Quinn smirks widely and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Look at you… you're being all cute about this! Do I sense some serious romantic tension here?" She wants to know. It catches me off guard in a way.

"Uh… I mean I really want to do this right. At first I wasn't sure if it's a good idea but then I was like why not, you know? I can't help but feel nervous and excited about it. I hope she'll like it."

"That doesn't really answer the question, my dear." Quinn states with a chuckle. "It's just that your face is glowing when you talk about her. And you have a constant grin on your face. I can literally see the hearts in your eyes."

"No, you can't!" I exclaim with huff. Hearts in my eyes? Come on…

"I think it's great you're going on a date. Especially the fact that _you _take _her _out. I had no idea you're a secret romantic, Santana."

"Stop it with the romance thing!"

Quinn just chuckles knowingly before making her way over to the changing rooms. I just stand there and stare at her back, wondering if I am seriously about to turn into a romantic because of Brittany. Which would mean I'd have romantic feelings for her. Not just sexual tension or curiosity. But actual feelings.

Everyone will say you know yourself better than anyone else does. But lately I haven't been so sure. I don't recognize myself around Brittany. Heart beating fast and thinking of her all the time. I have the strangest thoughts sometimes. I imagine how our clique goes out dancing and Brittany does her dance moves around me and no one else. Or how I take her hand to guide her to the bar and buy her a drink. Or how we'd say goodbye to Kurt, Quinn and Mike and then make our way back to Brittany's place instead of saying goodbye to each other, too.

I imagine how the six of us spend an evening at Kurt's place where we cook fajitas and watch a good movie and how she puts her arm around my shoulders when I sit down next to her on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in my hands. How I'd kiss her cheek and turn red after she'd put her hand on my thigh.

I don't recognize myself having those thoughts… truth is I can't help but like the way she makes me feel. Like I'm seventeen again.

* * *

The hours didn't pass fast enough after the shopping mall but somehow I managed to keep my mind off the date and do some useful things. Such as cleaning the dorm room, going through my music library to delete songs that I've been sick and tired of and going to the real library to find some important information about an assignment that is due next week. How much I hate assignments… eventually I put the books away and grabbed my guitar instead.

Now it's almost 9 o'clock and I'm standing in front of the Hummel restaurant. In two minutes Brittany will get off work and Kurt will take over the kitchen.

This morning I texted her to ask if she's ready for that date she wanted. Her answer came right away.

'Do my eyes deceive me? _The _Santana Lopez is asking me out?' She wrote in her message and made me grin widely. I love how we're not being awkward about this and take it with humor instead. We have always been two of the funny kind. At least with each other. I swear Brittany makes me laugh so hard sometimes. I have once cried so many tears because I was laughing that much at something she said…

I hope tonight we can laugh, too about things that will happen because laughing with her feels really… amazing.

With a look down my front I take a deep breath. I hope I look alright wearing my new pants, a black blouse and my hair straightened. I hardly ever straighten my hair because it takes freakishly long but I remember how Brittany complimented my hair right after I straightened it for the first time.

The four of us girls were at Brittany's and Rachel's place getting ready to go out for dinner and Rachel had just bought this new hair straightener but she was too scared to use it on herself. She was scared she'd burn her hair because it said it was extra strong and so I offered myself to try it first. In exchange of money of course because I don't do favors to Berry. She's too annoying.

So I was sitting on a chair in front of Barbra's giant mirror in her bedroom and had just straightened the last strand of hair when Brittany stepped into the room because she was looking for Rachel. She stared at me in the reflection of the mirror and I remember how I had to repeat my question whether she needed something. She was gazing at me for several seconds and then mumbled that she didn't need anything. _"You look beautiful"_ She added with a low voice. Back then I thanked her for the compliment with a smile. I thought she was being friendly.

Maybe she was…

Today I'll probably die if she tells me I look beautiful because the words will have so much more of a meaning. Also I can't wait to see what she'll be wearing and what she did to her hair.

I step into the restaurant and my enthusiasm sinks low immediately. There are so many people and all I can see are two waitresses. Jess The Lesbian and that Claire girl. It looks like the restaurant will burst any minute. Every single seat is taken and the two waitresses are literally running from table to table.

It's so loud in here and soon I find the source of the disturbing noises. There's a group of men sitting at three tables in the back. They must be football players or something. I'm pretty sure all of them have been drinking one too many because they're basically yelling and entertaining the whole restaurant with the story of how they won their game.

I make my way to the kitchen and when I peek inside my fear gets confirmed. Brittany is still standing behind the stove with what looks like three pans in her two hands. If that's even possible.

She's still in her cooking clothes and wearing her hair in a tight ponytail, her cheeks are reddened and I can even see her puffy eyes. It's the same picture I've been getting several times in the past couple months. A stressed and utterly exhausted Brittany working her butt off to make her customers happy.

Kurt is nowhere to be seen. I swallow at the sight. Where the hell is he and why is Brittany all by herself with the restaurant so full? Didn't she say something about how they finally hired a third chef who would help out whenever they need someone?

Quickly I open the door to find out more.

"Brittany?" I ask and the blonde looks up from the stove.

It's like a déjà-vu. Not too long ago I came here to help out at serving the guests and when Brittany realized I was offering my help, she looked at me like some sort of saint. Now that she sees me she doesn't look relieved. She looks like she's about to cry.

"Britt…" I speak when our eyes lock.

In fact she bursts into tears only a second later. Without thinking I hurry across the room to get to her and the closer I get, the more desperate she looks. As soon as I'm in front of her she lets me take the pans out of her hands and put them away.

The tears are rolling down her cheeks. She sobs when I cup her face with my hands to make her look into my eyes.

"Hey" I whisper with a lump forming in my throat. Or my heart.

Next thing I know is how she sinks into me, her weight presses against me, her arms hanging down my sides. She's so exhausted. I can literally feel it.

"Kurt is running late because he was visiting his aunt somewhere out of town and then his car broke down or something. His aunt doesn't have an own car and now he'll be back god knows when. I'm s-so sorry, Santana. I know you had probably an amazing evening planned but… but there are so many guests and they won't leave for hours and… and I feel like I'll break down but I have to do my job now. I'm really sorry that you came all the way-"

"Britt, listen to me" I try to hide the desperation in my voice about how much I can't stand seeing her like this. "Please don't feel bad about anything. It's not your fault that Kurt didn't show up."

My arms wrap around her waist to hold her tight while she keeps crying into my shoulder.

"But I feel awful after I basically forced you on a date-"

"Don't be ridiculous. Hey…" I pull back so I can see her face. Her eyes are focused on my lips when she sniffles sadly. "I'll stay here with you."

"No, I can't ask of you to help me again-"

"Sure you can. And I want to. Do you seriously think I'll leave you alone like this? Please bab- Britt… I'll do whatever you need help with, ok? Cut vegetables or anything. Maybe Kurt will be here sooner than we thought. But I'm not going anywhere right now. Just so you know. End of discussion."

Brittany manages to put on a weak smile and I'm glad she didn't hear my almost slip or at least pretends as if she didn't hear.

Did I seriously almost call her babe? Maybe it's her teary eyes and the way her hands are placed on my arms. Or because my blouse is wet from her tears. I have called her so many things in our friendship. Brittany… Britt… B… Brad… Britt-Britt… guapa... but never babe.

The nickname Brad was one of those reasons that made me cry because of a laughing fit. One time she and I went to Starbucks and the guy behind the corner asked for her name. "Britt" she said and the guy eyed her weirdly. I wondered why but didn't think about it any further. Later when we were sitting at the table I took a closer look at her cup and I burst into laughter so hard I almost fell down my chair. The cup said "Brad" and the guy seriously thought that was her name. She's been stuck with that nickname ever since…

And another day I called her guapa when she and I went for dinner at the beach. It was last year when all six of us went on vacation together and Brittany and I were the only ones not in the mood to go to the movies so we decided to have dinner at a restaurant right by the beach instead. I picked her up at her hotel room which she shared with Kurt and she was wearing this new summer dress she had bought that day. It fit her perfectly. So I greeted her with a wink of the eye. "Hola guapa. Ready to go?"

Why do I remember exactly what I said to her? It's been over a year.

Maybe because she asked me what the word 'guapa' means. When I explained it to her while we were walking towards the beach she turned silent. I didn't think about it that night. It was just the two of us having a good time with fantastic sea food and the ocean just a couple steps away.

If Brittany already liked me back then? I wish I had known. I wish we were there now instead of this kitchen.

"Thank you. I owe you something." Brittany mumbles when she steps away from me.

"Just a date…" I try to joke. Brittany nods with a teary smile.

"Ok. Well if you're really sure about staying here then maybe you could go get some ice cream from the freezer? I should have had dessert ready about ten minutes ago but then something started burning. Speaking of… I should take care of this."

She turns away to take care of whatever she was preparing on the stove. I do as I am told and with quick steps I make my way to the freezer in the back. She tells me what kind of dessert I need to prepare and talks me through the procedure. It's some mix between a strawberry milkshake and vanilla ice cream. With shaky fingers I put chocolate chips on top and proudly behold the result.

"Great. Claire will come pick it up any second. Thanks a lot." Brittany says and her face already looks a whole lot more relaxed.

Mission 'ice cream' accomplished.

* * *

Twenty-five missions later I am confident enough to call myself the head chef of desserts and salads. While Brittany took care of all the meals, she gave me the instructions on how to make delicious waffles and all those other great things I always appreciate whenever I come here to have something to eat.

Of course Brittany cooks one thousand times better than I do but at least we made it.

"We fucking made it" I gasp when I straighten my aching back after stepping outside into the night.

A couple minutes ago Kurt bursted into the kitchen and vomited apologies all over Brittany and me. I felt like kicking him in the nuts because apologizing didn't give me back a free entry to the hottest dance club in town…

He told us we could leave immediately and so we did. It's almost eleven pm and we'd still make it to the club but I am beyond exhausted. I don't even have to ask Brittany to know she's close to passing out. All day had she been standing in the kitchen.

"Can I take you anywhere? Maybe somewhere we can get coffee? You look like you'll fall asleep any second." I suggest when Brittany tiredly rubs her eyes.

We make slow steps on the sidewalk not knowing where we're going. Now that fresh night air hits our faces I can feel how damp my neck and hair are. Cooking is a freaking marathon! Because whenever you're done with something there's another hungry guest who wants their meal asap.

"No…" She mumbles lowly. I turn my head to look at her. "Thanks but I just want to be as far away from coffee shops or restaurants as possible right now. Sick and tired of it…"

I nod because of course she doesn't want to go have coffee. She probably just wants to sleep.

"I understand. I'll walk you home if I may?"

"Santana you have already done enough. To get back to your college you have to walk into the other direction."

"So? There's nowhere else I have to be."

Brittany stops me by grabbing my wrist. Her expression says she has a bad conscience.

"What is it that you had planned for tonight?" Her voice is soft instead of weak like before. Soft and curious while her eyes look tired and gentle.

I smile shyly because I don't want to tell her how we could have gotten into the club of her dreams and then make her feel bad about it.

"It doesn't matter now." I reply with a glance down at my wrist in her hand.

"Please… I didn't get to go on a date with you. If you tell me what you had in mind then I can at least imagine it."

Her words make me melt because she sounds so disappointed. I'm sure she had been looking forward to a nice evening away from the restaurant.

"Uhm… well I would have taken you out to go dancing."

Brittany blinks at me, her eyes sparkling.

"Dancing?" She asks and makes it sound like it's the best thing in the world.

"Yeah… well first I would have invited you for a drink. At your restaurant."

"You mean I would have been a guest at my own restaurant?" She grins. I nod.

"U-huh. And after dancing for hours in a club I would have walked you home in the early morning hours. I thought a night walk might be something you like."

Brittany just gazes at me and bites her bottom lip.

"It sounds like a pretty amazing date."

"Yeah"

"Yeah…"

My eyes focus back on where she's still holding me. I make our fingers entwine.

"Maybe we can still have a small part of our date." I suggest which makes the hope rising up in Brittany's eyes immediately. "If you let me walk you home."

She chuckles softly and starts moving when I tug her forward.

"Come on… I know you like the holding hands thing way too much to make me say goodbye now."

This causes Brittany to laugh amusedly.

"Maybe…" She breathes. I can feel her hand squeezing mine gently.

We walk in silence for many minutes. Our steps are slow and easy. My heart beat fast and erratic.

Maybe I like the holding hands thing even more than she does. It's so much better than just walking side by side like how we have been doing for as long as we've known each other. Because there is something incredibly intimate about holding hands. You're touching constantly. Without taking a break.

"Maybe we can even have a second part of our date." Brittany speaks up after a while.

"What do you mean?"

With her free hand she points to the apartment complex we're approaching.

"I could invite you for a drink at my own _apartment_ instead of my own restaurant." She throws a look at me from the side. "It counts, right? Besides Rachel bought this super sweet liquor to make cocktails but she sucks at it."

"Oh and _you_ know how it works?" I tease with a grin.

"Uh I happen to work at a restaurant that is also a bar at the same time? I have mixed cocktails countless times. I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything but they taste amazing and everybody loves them. Sometimes I think I should become a barkeeper full time. I actually love standing behind the bar without all the cooking. My bar would be the most popular one in town."

"Yeah no that's not conceited at all."

Brittany laughs when we come to a halt in front of her apartment.

"Is Berry home?" I wonder when she lets go of my hand to open the door.

"No… she had an audition for a small play today and she got the part. One of her close friends is in it, too so now they're out celebrating."

We step inside and get greeted by loud barking.

"Ryan it's me!" Brittany tries to calm down the Jack Russel terrier but he jumps up and down nervously. Sometimes I forget they have this incredibly annoying animal. It's creepy how much he and Rachel resemble each other. They both have an incredibly loud voice.

"And that's Santana, remember? Stop barking!" Brittany goes on and picks up a toy. "Go play".

Funnily Ryan takes the toy into his mouth and storms into the living room. I take a look around while Brittany makes her way straight into the kitchen to prepare our drinks.

"Uh Britt?" I ask when I spot a giant mattress in the middle of the living room and Ryan jumping up and down on it with his toy. "I know how obsessed Rachel is with her dog but don't you think it goes a little too far if she gets him his own mattress?"

Three seconds later Brittany comes rushing out of the kitchen, her face looking furious.

"Ryan! Get down immediately!" She shouts and stomps towards him with a bottle of alcohol in her hand. The dog hurries away before she can reach him. "Unbelievable!" She exclaims and turns to look at me. "I ordered a new mattress because Ryan ruined my old one. He started biting the corners of it when I was not around and it looked really gross so Rachel promised to buy me a new one. It must have arrived today. Rachel just leaves it in the freaking living room serving it Ryan on a silver plate! I swear if this one is ruined then..."

Brittany inspects all four corners of the mattress but luckily the mattress is still wrapped in plastic and it looks like Ryan will get away with a warning.

"You know how much I love the dog but sometimes I wish Rachel had never bought him. We don't have enough time for him."

"You mean Rachel doesn't have enough time. It's not your responsibility to make sure he gets entertained enough, Britt."

"I know… but then he looks at you with those puppy eyes and you just melt!"

I chuckle and watch how Brittany goes back to preparing our drinks. She talks to me while she's standing in the kitchen. That's the moment when I realize that we're alone again. At her place this time. But alone.

"Ice?" She asks when she appears right in front of me two minutes later.

"Huh?"

"Do you want ice in your drink?"

"Oh! Yeah sure."

"Good. Because I already put some in it." She smirks when she hands me the drink and sinks down on the couch next to me.

"To you" She says softly and clinks our glasses.

"To me?"

"Yeah… you basically saved my life today."

"Come on…"

"I'm serious. I thought I was going to faint when Kurt called me to tell he wouldn't make it. I was so tired and just wanted to leave." She takes her shoes off and pulls her knees up.

"I'm worried, Britt… what about that third chef? I thought Kurt was ok with hiring someone for support."

"Yeah but the guy he wants can't start before next month."

I sigh deeply and turn my body to face her. My hand automatically places itself on her knee. Brittany's eyes shoot up.

"And you can't close the restaurant two days a week?" I suggest.

"Are you crazy? We need to restore the whole kitchen next year. Kurt would probably work eight days a week if it was possible because he's scared we won't be able to pay for everything."

I support my head in my hand and get lost in Brittany's eyes when she gazes at me from behind her cocktail.

"So you'll rather risk suffering from a burnout within the next couple weeks?" I ask biting my lip. Brittany gives me that look that says 'it's not my choice'. I squeeze her knee.

"Things will get better eventually." She mumbles and takes a big sip of her drink. "I'm so tired."

My eyes fall onto the mattress that is still lying there untouched. Except for Ryan's dirty paws.

"You should lie down then. I won't keep you from going to bed. I could help you putting the mattress into your room and put new sheets on?"

Brittany's lips curl into a smile. She softly shakes her head.

"You've gotta stop offering your help, San Diego." She mumbles and we both laugh at the nickname. The day I started calling her Brad she tried to come up with an annoying nickname, too and San Diego was the only thing she could think of. I happen to like it because of that reason.

"But it does look appealing when it's right there in front of me." She adds with a longing look at the mattress.

I chuckle and hit her thigh playfully.

"Come on then." I get up and put my glass on the small coffee table to pull her up on her feet.

She groans but lets me drag her into her bedroom.

"We are going to prepare one cuddly bed for you and trust me, you will sleep like a baby tonight." I say determined and turn shy when I realize that she's looking at me with a loving smile.

I clear my throat. Together we lift the mattress off the ground. It's been ages that I was last inside her bedroom. Last time was probably when I helped her painting the walls and she almost caught a migraine because the color smelled so intensely.

Ten minutes later we're standing in front of her bed which looks more inviting every minute that goes by. New mattress, fresh sheets, a candle burning on the bedside table… and Brittany…

"I don't know how to thank you for tonight" She says with a shrug while putting a strand of hair behind her ear. "I mean it wasn't the fancy date we wanted and I was freaking close to a nervous breakdown… but you turned my night into something special."

I click my tongue because I'm probably blushing from head to toe.

"It was my pleasure, B. I actually had a good time in the kitchen. It's probably because you were there but I want you to know that you can call me at any time and I'll come over and help out. Promise to call me if you're in a situation like this again? No matter how late it is."

"You go to college. I can't just call you at any time."

"You know how much I hate studying. I'll always choose the kitchen over my dorm room."

Now it's Brittany's turn to blush and she steps close to me.

"Can I give you a thank you hug then?" She asks. I don't even have to think about it, I just nod.

She closes the gap between our bodies. Two seconds later I find myself falling backwards and landing on the mattress with a thud.

I gasp and start laughing at Brittany's childlike giggle when she lands on top of me.

"What a lame way to get into bed with me." I state smugly but need to catch my breath first. My hands are on her lower back, her face just a couple inches away from mine.

"I think it's genius actually" She counters with a grin. "I paid Ryan to chew on my old mattress so Rachel would buy me a new one. I also paid the delivery man to deliver it tonight because I knew you'd help me putting it into my room. And the rest is history…"

Her voice is flirty and to be honest I'm close to believing her story.

"Do you do this to many girls then? Seduce them with such a genius plan?" I want to know. Brittany's smile fades. She looks down at me with her head supported in her hand. Her eyes seeking mine.

"No… you're actually the first one." She whispers. Suddenly I can feel her heart pounding against my ribcage. She clears her throat and tilts her head to the side. "Fun aside for a minute. What do say? Is it comfortable? Do you think I'll wake up with an aching back?" She asks.

I close my eyes to focus on the feeling of the mattress underneath me. I get pressed into it with Brittany's full weight on top of me.

"No it… it feels amazing." I breathe and let my hands wander up her back. "In fact I think I don't want to get up again. Ever."

She smiles and lowers her head until our lips are so close. Her eyes shut but I keep mine open. Gently she brings our lips together. Every single time it gets me. I'm overwhelmed so my heart skips a beat at the feeling of her lips. They are so soft. We've spent so many days as normal friends while we could have had this all along.

It's so unusual for us to kiss. And so good at the same time… I'll probably never get over how special it is.

Does that mean I can kiss her, too whenever I want? She didn't ask me. She just did. And she's still doing it. It's not like I'd say no if she asked first anyway…

But kissing without a special reason is so… relationshippy… I don't care if that's not a word, it feels too nice to care.

"You know" She mumbles when she pulls back much to my dislike. "I have many close friends."

She opens her eyes. The candlelight gets reflected in them. Blue is an understatement.

"They know a lot about me and I trust them with many things."

"Ok" I breathe and watch how her lips move when she speaks.

"But… I don't think Quinn would drop her books to come help me out at the restaurant. I love Kurt… but sometimes I think he doesn't see how much he asks of me. He doesn't see how much I suffer from stress while you can tell by giving me one short look. I've never been too close to Mike. And Rachel… I mean she bought me a new mattress but she would never… not in a million years lie down on it with me and make me feel the way you do."

She blinks, I swallow. I breathe, she gazes.

"Sometimes I think it's not fair that you do all those things… of course I had to fall for you."

My breath hitches and I get lost somewhere deep in the ocean of her eyes.

"Britt…" It comes out way softer than I planned. Not that I planned anything.

If my other friends told me things like this I would probably laugh at them and tell them to come up with a better joke. But Brittany disarms me in a way no one else can. Things she says make sense although they scare me.

Loving her scares me so much.

Because who wants to get hurt? If I ever lost her I would probably turn into a homeless and depressed person. I know it's stupid to think like this. It's like not wanting to play the lottery because you're too scared to go bankrupt afterwards.

You don't play lottery with people who mean the world to you.

"I should keep those things to myself, shouldn't I?" Brittany interrupts my thoughts with a worried expression. I really want to say something to make her feel at ease. I just don't know what.

And so I lift my head to connect on another level.

She sighs into the kiss. This time I close my eyes, too. My arms wrap around her torso and I hold her so close it might be hard for her to breathe.

Our lips move gently against each other. I don't think I've ever kissed like this before. With my ex-girlfriend it was slow and gentle, too but not in a way that made me think I could do it all night.

Kendra almost swallowed me whole whenever I went to her room to "study"… she was so frantic and eager. It was hot and I didn't mind. But it was never hot _and_ sweet. In my opinion it's almost impossible to kiss sweetly and make it feel incredibly sexy at the same time. Now Brittany's convincing me of the opposite. It's the sweetest kiss but it makes me so nervous and excited at the same time.

"Do you maybe want to stay over?" She whispers between two kisses and stirs on top of me. I'm almost too dizzy to notice how a hand sneaks between our bodies but when it gently cups my right breast my mouth opens. I exhale a shaky breath.

She looks down at me innocently, as if the hand got there without her notice.

My eyes drop to her lips which look so familiar. I have looked at her lips a thousand times while following one of her conversations. I think I could read her lips and know what she's saying without hearing her voice. I know every detail of her face because I have seen it for nearly every day in the past three years. I know her freckles and her eyebrows and definitely the way her cheek looks when she smiles.

Everything about her face is lovely. It almost hurts in my chest. Combined with the tingles that fill my chest, I give in.

I nod and whisper a "Yes" before reaching up her neck to pull her down. My plan doesn't add up though because her lips miss my mouth and she presses them to my jaw.

Slowly she kisses a path down to my neck which causes me to inhale a trembling breath.

"You ok?" She whispers and stops to look up.

"Yeah" I reach into her hair to keep her close. She seems to sense my desperate state because she goes right back to kissing my neck.

My thighs squeeze her waist. I close my eyes when her hips fit perfectly against mine. Her hand is still cupping my breast and she's being so careful not to do something wrong. I can tell.

Warm lips play with my skin while it's getting hotter in this room. When she reaches my cleavage I can't hold back the little moan. It's hard to believe I'm the first girl she's gotten intimate with.

"Santana…"

"Mhm?"

Her lips detach from my chest. I get to see her soft expression when I open my eyes to look at her.

"Would it be ok if I quickly go take a shower?"

I swallow thickly and try to steady my breath. If she gets up now and leaves me here alone in bed I'll probably die. I have never been so electrified by soft kisses. And a body pressing down on me.

"I was standing in the kitchen all day. I probably smell like spices and everything."

"Oh… sure, yeah. Of course." I stammer and watch how she props herself on her elbow.

"I'll be right back, ok?" She mumbles and bites her lip when she looks down at me. "You can watch something on TV or have another drink. Or play with Ryan… I'll only take five minutes."

I nod and another sigh escapes my lips when she pushes herself up. She's already half off the bed when I lean forward to grab her wrist. With a surprised expression she looks back at me.

"Promise you'll be back in five minutes?" I ask with a raspy voice while she's hanging on my lips.

Her mouth is back on mine for a tender promise kiss. When she finally gets up and leaves the room with quick steps, I fall back onto the mattress.

I press my hand against my chest because I can't believe I actually get to feel my heart drumming in there.

I already miss her presence.

That's either childish, stalkerish or… cute? Or simply horny?

The only thing I know is how my breath hitches when she steps back into the room four and a half minute later. She's wearing a white towel around her body and her hair falls over her shoulders. It's darker because it's still wet and she reminds me of a mermaid or something.

"I'll just… quickly get dressed into something comfy." She mutters and makes a few steps towards her closet.

My eyes fallow her because I can't take them off her.

Actually it's not only my eyes following her but also me. She gasps when I step right behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"You make me crazy here…" I whisper while breathing in the scent of her skin. Slowly she turns around. Her forehead rests against mine.

Her hands roam up my forearms and around my neck. We hold each other like a couple during their first dance without the moving part.

Until we _are_ moving. Towards the bed.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

You'd think it's impossible to stumble twice on the short way from the bedroom door to Brittany's bed but I do. I didn't want to turn on the lights because I know that Brittany's eyes are used to the dark by now. The only light in her bedroom is the candle on the bedside table.

A smile forms on Brittany's lips at my clumsiness when I crawl back into bed. I shudder as I was going to the bathroom with nothing but my panties on.

"You ok there?" She asks softly and pulls the blanket up to my shoulders to warm me up.

"Yeah. Stumbled over the towel you lost I guess…" I reply and cause Brittany to grin wider. "You shouldn't just leave your stuff everywhere, Brad. People might break their necks in the dark."

"May I remind you, San Diego, that it was you who pulled it off my body only to let it drop to the floor so recklessly?" Brittany counters and scoots closer under the sheets.

I close my eyes at the feeling of her naked upper body right next to mine.

"Sorry about that…" I mumble. I let my hand wander to Brittany's side where it settles on her waist. "But it was so worth it."

With my eyes still closed I don't see how she leans in. I feel it as soon as her hand cups my cheek and her lips connect with my temple.

What happened tonight will bond me and Brittany forever. When you sleep with each other you get to see a part of the other you have never seen before. A state of trust and vulnerability because what if the other one doesn't like the way you look?

I love the way Brittany looks without any clothes on…

But you get to touch each other so intimately, you won't be able to hide anything. Brittany now knows exactly what the tattoo on my lower back looks like. That silly tattoo I got when I was eighteen and have been trying to hide for the past couple years. Brittany always knew I had it but she never kissed it before…

And I now know the scar on Brittany's stomach because of her appendix operation when she was ten. I had never kissed that scar before, either.

The scar and the tattoo are just two small things but at this moment they mean so much more. I never thought I could feel so close to Brittany.

The moment we lied down on the bed something changed. The way she looked up at me when I spooned her side and let my hand rest on her stomach. Only the material of the towel separating my hand from her skin and only a breath of air between our lips...

It was the moment that decided whether we were going to do this or not. And when my fingers started playing with the towel just above her chest and Brittany didn't stop me, we knew. She held her breath when I tugged at the fabric to loosen it. She swallowed when I reached underneath it to let the tips of my fingers run over her chest.

She was breathing calmly when I opened the towel and lowered my head to kiss her collarbone and let my lips wander down. Her eyes were closed, her fingers resting on my arms. Nothing about her actions said she was nervous. She looked comfortable and calm. Only the heavy beating of her heart gave her away and told me what was really going on inside of her.

I kissed the spot underneath her breast where I could hear that heart drumming rapidly and it only sped up when my tongue ran over sensitive skin. Eventually her breathing became heavier because I pulled the towel from underneath her and pushed it off the mattress. She was completely naked by my side, the first time I saw her like this.

I discovered her scar when my kisses went lower and my lips ghosted over the skin of her stomach. I was tempted to kiss even lower beneath her bellybutton… but she looked so vulnerable lying naked underneath me while I was still completely dressed.

She helped me to get rid of my clothes very fast… and once we were both naked I lost a bit of my confidence. Luckily Brittany took over and found the courage to guide her hand down my body between my legs. She moved as close to me as possible while I was lying on my back, her eyes on my face.

"That's new…" She whispered when she felt the wetness there and what she did to my body with her soft kisses on my lips and her presence in general.

She smiled at me in a way that made me melt. I smiled back and pecked her lips, encouraging her to continue which she did right away. I didn't even have to tell her what to do. She found out by the way I reacted. When I moaned she pressed her cheek to mine so our faces were close. When I grabbed her shoulder she knew I needed more. Gentle and curios… the way she touched me reminded me of everything she is. She's always gentle and good. And sexy.

It was nothing like sleeping with Kendra. Everything went automatic as soon as Kendra started touching me. There was nothing to think or worry about. No reason to be worried about what would happen in the morning. But it was also meaningless.

Brittany on the other hand made everything important. Every single breath she exhaled and that would hit my skin meant something. Every single time she pushed into me so gently and carefully made me feel special. I don't know why she knew how to do it. But she did it so well.

Because I reached climax unexpectedly and out of nowhere. I curled into her side and held on to her shoulder while I gasped against her neck, tasting her salty skin. I was trembling and shaking but Brittany held me safely in her arm. At that moment I would have told her all my deepest secrets if I had been able to speak. She had me…

Later we kissed so deeply. Our tongues battled for dominance but only for a couple seconds, I was still too overwhelmed to fight. It took long minutes until my breathing got back to normal. It lasted for a short while because when I started touching Brittany to return the favor, my breaths mirrored hers.

Her lips parted when I cupped her with the palm of my hand. She gasped when I rolled on top of her to make us feel even closer.

I have never seen Brittany like this. Her face was glowing and her lips trembling. She spread her legs so I could lie comfortably between them. She put her hands on my hips to help guiding them. With my hand between our bodies I started kissing her.

She rocked up into me and moaned when I pushed inside of her. This time she didn't have to worry about an early ending. It felt like we kissed all night in that position and the noises she made while doing so drove me wild. I pressed my lips to her neck and made her squirm with at least two hickeys that I left there. Tomorrow she'll probably scold me for it…

And right before her orgasm hit her she grabbed the back of my neck to pull me in and to gasp and pant against my cheek. I could almost feel what she was feeling. The skin between our chests was damp and slippery but I loved it.

Long minutes later I rolled onto my stomach, my muscles aching exquisitely from the exertion. She tickled my back with smooth fingers and let them run over the tattoo above my tailbone. When her lips pressed a kiss there I couldn't hold back a sigh. Testing her new mattress had been such a good idea…

"What are you thinking about?" Her whisper brings me back to the presence where we're lying face to face and under the sheets. She looks calm. So different from the expression of maybe half an hour ago.

She boops my nose with a finger. My heart makes a jump.

"Uh… I was wondering why I never hit on you when we first got to know each other." I admit and avoid her eyes because I'm suddenly embarrassed about it. Seriously why didn't I try to see if there might be something? I always thought she was attractive. I just didn't think _I _was attracted to her.

But I obviously have been.

"Well… I wasn't on your gaydar, was I? Or did you think I was into girls?" She asks with a smirk.

"No! It would have never crossed my mind in a thousand years! You had your stupid boyfriend-"

"What? You never said he was stupid when we were dating."

"Because it seemed like you were having a good time and I was your friend. I wasn't going to ruin it for you. He was so weird though."

"Like how?"

"Like… he seemed obsessed with you. He was always attached to your hips but like physically. And he wasn't very nice to me."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah… sometimes he glared at me."

"He did? That's creepy."

"I know."

"Maybe he sensed that you were danger."

"Huh?"

Brittany chuckles and entangles her legs with mine.

"Maybe he knew that I was into you before I did. He probably thought you were going to steal me away from him."

"He could see into the future?"

"Yeah"

"Wow… that's even creepier."

"I know, right."

I nod while gazing into Brittany's eyes. The candle gets weaker and weaker but her eyes are sparkling. She hasn't looked this happy in months I think. All because of us?

Knowing that I can make her happy in that way makes me feel special. And kinda happy, too.

"I once tried to hit on you."

My eyes widen because that can't be true. Brittany never hit on me. I would have noticed.

"What? When?" I want to know while propping myself on my elbow to get a better look at her.

Brittany bites her bottom lip with a shy smile, her skin underneath my fingertips still warm and soft.

"A couple months ago. You, Kurt and I went to this bar that turned out to be a strip club, remember?" She asks carefully and I nod.

"Oh my God, yes. Kurt thought it was some classy dance show when he heard of it but when we stepped inside we wanted to turn around and leave as fast as possible. We were embarrassed because people were looking at us so we stayed for one drink."

"And we were incredibly uncomfortable."

"Yep" I agree.

"However when we were sitting at the bar you were watching that one girl on a pole and she was actually pretty good but you said something like she'd have to bring on hotter moves if she wanted your dollar. You didn't tell it to her face but Kurt almost spilled his drink with laughter. And then I said-"

"You said _'Maybe I should get up there and you'll be broke before you know it'_." I finish her sentence when I recall that night.

Brittany seems bit baffled about the fact that I remember so clearly.

"Yeah. You asked me if I could dance as sexy as a stripper and I just winked at you. Maybe that's not what you call hitting on someone but on the inside I was totally flirting with you."

She grins bashfully and covers her eyes with a hand.

"I was being so silly. You probably thought I was acting weird." She mumbles, then shakes her head.

I grab her wrist to pull her hand away.

"Are you kidding? When Kurt walked me back to college that night I said to him that I would have paid you a hundred dollars to make you go up that stage to teach those girls a lesson" I babble and cause Brittany's eyes to widen even more.

"That's what you said to him?" She asks incredulously.

"Yes! Because I pictured you up there and couldn't get it out of my head."

Brittany chuckles and intertwines our fingers.

"That's funny… that it was all a joke back then and now look at us. Naked in bed… can you believe it?" She asks and squeezes my hand.

I shake my head slightly because no… sometimes I don't believe our friendship took this turn.

"If somebody had told me back then that we'd end up in bed together I wouldn't have believed it." I whisper. I peck her fingers and pull them under my chin. "It's surreal. But it also feels really good."

"I know" She breathes before closing her eyes. "You actually feel amazing."

"In a sexual way?"

Brittany snorts with laughter and kicks my shin under the covers.

"Yeah… but you also feel amazing right now."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm…" She tries to suppress a yawn unsuccessfully and grins when I automatically mirror it.

"Wanna cuddle and sleep?" I ask suddenly sleepy as my eyes are close to falling shut.

"Awesome idea" She replies before turning around in bed. I scoot forward to spoon her back and my arm wraps around her waist. Her hand finds mine in the front which causes a warm feeling to settle over my body.

I lean over her to press a kiss to her jaw which she reciprocates with a soft sigh.

A couple minutes later I can hear how her breathing changes to a slower rhythm. I assume she's probably asleep.

"Britt?" I whisper into her hair but there is no response.

I don't even know what I want to ask or tell her. Maybe that this night meant something to me. Or that everything is different now.

Maybe I want to tell her that I don't know how things are going to be like from now on and that I'm a bit scared. Scared and excited at the same time because honestly have I felt like this before?

No…

Maybe happiness has been right in front of me all this time and I didn't see it because I didn't think it was possible. Who expects to fall for a friend, right?

With my lips pressed to her shoulder I close my eyes and realize that I haven't felt this relaxed in forever.

Truth is I always feel good and relaxed when I'm with Brittany. Super sigh… if I only knew what to do and how to read those feelings. It's obvious what is happening with me but I'm still trying to keep a distance to everything because what if I blow it? As long as Brittany and I don't talk about what it all _means,_ I also won't get the chance to ruin it.

Question is for how long we can keep going like this without actually putting a name to it. Our friends will wonder sooner or later what is going on.

In her sleep Brittany squeezes my hand. It automatically makes me hold her tighter.

"Sweet dreams, B…" I mumble before drifting off to sleep, as well.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Brittany's POV…**

My alarm clock makes Santana shoot up in bed probably because she has never heard it before. It's shrill. And way too early but just because it's Saturday doesn't mean I won't have to go to work.

"Britt?" She whines when I reach out to turn it off. "Why does your alarm go off at six thirty on a Saturday? That's so… horrible."

I turn to look at Santana and her messy hair makes me laugh. She's lying on her back and the sunlight that shines through my window hits her face. Her bare chest is no longer covered by the blanket as it got pulled away when I leaned over to turn off the alarm. It's hard to take my eyes off her chest.

"Because I'm not a student like you who can sleep as long as you want on the weekend. Kurt, me and the waiters are having another meeting this morning to discuss what we're going to cook for a very important dinner next week. A group of business men will be there and they want a surprise meal. Don't ask me why..."

Santana seems to think about it for a moment. I know she's not a morning person at all and that her brain always needs a while to fully work in the morning.

"Oh but that's good right? It means you'll be prepared when the dinner takes place." She says with a still sleepy voice.

I yawn and slump back onto the pillow, taking a deep breath.

"I'll have to wait and see. You know how Kurt is… sometimes he gets nervous and changes his opinion three minutes before the guests arrive."

Santana shivers. Probably because she's naked and I always keep the heating low in my bedroom.

"Do you really have to get up already?" She grabs the blanket to pull it up to her shoulders. She doesn't even let me answer but attacks me with a warm hug.

I can't help but giggle when she wraps her arms around my upper body and spoons me from behind, pulling me as close to her as possible.

"I'm cold" She mutters in her defense about the cuddle attack.

"Aw… well you're lucky then. I won't have to leave for another hour and half actually." I reply and cover her hand with mine on my belly. "Body heat is the best to keep warm."

A kiss gets pressed to my shoulder blade which makes me feel warm inside.

"Body heat and kisses…" I add which causes Santana to laugh softly.

After a while of just lying there I remember that she was already the big spoon yesterday when we were falling asleep. So I turn around in her embrace and push her by the shoulders.

"What are you doing?" She asks confusedly but lets me guide her to lie on her other side. "Mhm" Sounds from her lips when I nestle up to her back and our bodies fit like two pieces of a puzzle. "I like that…"

"Me, too" I agree and hide my face in her hair. I have always been jealous of her silky pretty hair. It's naturally wavy and looks good no matter what she does with it. Countless times did I imagine what it would feel like to let my fingers run through her hair.

She sighs contently which lets me assume that she has her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. If somebody asked me how I feel right now, I wouldn't be able to put it into words. I just know that I don't want to let her go. It seems so right to have her in my arms… and last night was… amazing.

I want to ask her so many things. Did she like what happened last night? Well… judging by the way she held on to my body, gasped my name at one point and held me close for what felt like hours, I'd say she liked it very much.

But does she want it to happen again and again? Could she imagine a relationship eventually? Does she share my feelings? Does she know how much I really like her?

I like her so much… I wonder if she could ever understand. If she was my girlfriend I'd do everything to make her smile and keep her happy. If she was sad I'd make her know that I was there. Just like we've always been there for each other. Now as a plus I'd kiss her tears away if she'd ever had to cry.

But I don't know the answers to my questions because I'll scare her away with my them. I know Santana… she has often a big mouth and sometimes doesn't realize that she might be hurting people's feelings. I don't think she knows that the way she talks to Rachel can be hurtful.

But no matter how bold she is sometimes, I know how quickly she gets scared and insecure. Talks about relationships make her nervous because it didn't work out for her in the past. She thinks she's not good at them. But I bet she'd be so sweet and good.

Her fingers intertwine with mine under the covers and while she's playing with my thumb, I remember something from last night.

"I don't even know if I properly thanked you for helping out yesterday. Again… you know that you didn't have to, right?" I mumble when I wrap my arms tightly around her body.

"Britt… you thanked me enough."

"But it's always you who does those things for me. I know my other friends care about me, too and they know I haven't been doing so well lately with the restaurant becoming a burden. But… I can't tell them the things I tell you. I can't cry in front of them. You let me cry and be a mess and I don't have to hide it."

"You can always be yourself around me, Britt. Always…"

I press a lingering kiss to her shoulder, nodding although she can't see my face. I take a couple deep breaths at what I'm about to say. I've wanted to tell her for a while now but there was always something else going on. Something else to worry about or then we were busy kissing and exploring this new level of our friendship. I also didn't tell her because I was embarrassed about it in a way.

But now in the quiet of my room I feel save enough to give her another piece of me.

"Do you want to hear something embarrassing?" I ask shyly.

She chuckles softly and whispers "yes" squeezing my hand encouragingly.

"Ok… lately I've been missing my family so much."

Santana stays quiet which makes me swallow but continue.

"I haven't seen my parents in almost a year because I never get more than two days off in a row. The trip to the sea with you guys last year was a total exception and although I had so much fun with all of you, I regret not going to visit my parents for a day or two. My sister Chloe is getting married in two months and she has already picked the dress. I wanted to be there so badly and help her choose one."

Santana carefully turns around in my arms. The tip of her nose brushes against mine when she brings her hand up to my cheek.

"Can't they come visit you here?" She asks with a gentle voice.

"They are busy, too. I don't want them to come here and stay in my tiny apartment where Rachel sings broadways songs all the time and the dog bothers them and everything. I mean I'm old enough to go through this alone, right? I shouldn't need my parents to hold my hand just because work is getting a bit much."

Santana knits her eyebrows together and slowly shakes her head.

"Britt… you don't have to feel embarrassed about missing your parents and wishing they were closer to you."

"Do _you_ miss your parents?"

"Yeah… they live in Ohio and we skype often. But it's not the same. Sometimes I just want my mom to hug me when I get a bad grade. She always hugged me when I screwed up an exam during high school."

"That's sweet. My mom got angry whenever I got Fs… but still I miss her so much these days."

I close my eyes at the feeling of Santana's fingers putting a strand of hair behind my ear. Two seconds later I feel a kiss on my nose and then on the lips. If she keeps being so adorable, I will ask her to marry me before I can stop myself and that's not very clever.

"I know it's not the same but… you have _me_." Santana whispers. "I'll hold your hand and hug you whenever you need it."

The teardrop that comes out of nowhere surprises me. It rolls down my cheek without Santana's notice as we have both closed our eyes. It's not a sad tear though. It's because Santana is being so sweet and lovely.

"You have no idea how good it is to know that." I whisper back.

I know I have to get up in about fifty minutes so I'll make it to the restaurant on time but I'll enjoy every single minute to the fullest in the warmth of my bed and having Santana in my arms.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

I approach Brittany who's standing by the sink, rinsing two glasses. Earlier when we got up and out of bed she went to get us some orange juice because we both realized we were sort of dehydrated after last night… she's humming the song that's currently playing on the radio.

My hair is still damp when I step close behind her because I took a shower after breakfast. I used the same towel Brittany had lost the night before and she also gave me clothes to wear since mine still smell like kitchen and food.

Just like I borrowed her some of my clothes not too long ago and I must say it feels pretty awesome to be wearing her clothes.

"Good morning again" I mumble and let my chin rest on her shoulder.

All those small things are the most intimate ones. Touching her and getting touched by her last night was very intimate. But this… standing at the kitchen counter with my chin on her shoulder and my hand on her hip, the smile on her face when I nudge her cheek with my nose and the way her eyes widen when she turns around to have a look at what I'm wearing… it has such a deep meaning.

"That top looks so much better on you." She says with a smirk, her hand going up to my damp hair. "You look like a mermaid. Are you doing alright?"

I grin with a nod and lean into her touch.

"I'm more than alright."

Goofily we gaze at each other. It looks like Brittany is going for a kiss but then she touches my nose with flour on her finger.

"Aw… how cute" She says with a chuckle. "Up for pancakes? I just made some for breakfast. But you'll have to eat them alone as I am already late for the meeting with Kurt."

"You made pancakes just for me?" I ask incredulously. I don't think anyone has ever made pancakes for me.

Like just for me…

"Yeah for you. Who did you think?"

This time she does lean in for a kiss and when our lips meet I forget how to breathe for a minute.

"Uhm… what are you guys doing?"

My heart stops beating, the blood freezes in my veins. Our kiss breaks and I turn around in shock.

Berry.

Berry is standing in the kitchen looking completely hung over but her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open. Where the hell did she come from and how long as she been standing there? It looks like she's been wearing the same clothes for weeks and her hair is such a mess that I wouldn't be surprised if insects lived in there.

"Oh my God, Rachel! What happened?" Brittany gasps and makes a step towards her. The brunette raises her hands in defense.

"I partied hard… and I possibly slept on a park bench with my friends from the theater. Then I came back here and heard voices in the kitchen which leads me back to my question. What are you guys doing?"

I swallow because Rachel wants an explanation. For like... why am I wearing Britt's clothes? Or why were our lips attached in a very intimate and not just friendshippy way?

"You mean… right now?" Brittany asks innocently. "We're standing in the kitchen and uh… making pancakes?"

Rachel just slowly shakes her head making her way towards us like a cat about to attack. Her eyes narrow when she's right in front of me. She looks back and forth between me and Brittany.

"You guys were kissing. You guys were kissing on the _lips. _Why? What is happening here?" She almost whispers. "And why do you smell like my shower gel?"

My swallow when Rachel leans in to sniffle my hair.

"You took a shower here…" She goes on with her analysis. Her voice sounds secretive as if she's cracking a mysterious case. "Which means you stayed over. You were here all night… and… oh my God!" She slaps her hand over her mouth, taking a big step back. "You guys did it! You… you're sleeping together! You're having an affair!"

The horror is written across her face and I'm sure I look just as shocked as her. Oh Lord help me, Berry knows…

"Rach-"

"No, no…"

Brittany breaks off when Rachel interrupts, shaking her head repeatedly.

"This is unacceptable." She continues and raises a finger in front of my face. "You seduce poor, innocent Brittany? My roommate? There are lesbians out there!"

"What?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Yes! Leeesbians! So… you're like dating? Who's next? Me and Quinn?" Rachel asks with a huff. She's obviously not taking it seriously.

I guess it _does _seem incredible from the outside. But Brittany and I know better…

"Make fun all you want, Raquel. We're still figuring this out. So please mind your own business and keep it to yourself for a little while?" I demand because Brittany and I haven't talked about telling our friends, yet.

Huh… there are quite a few things we haven't talked about. I mean… are we still just friends with benefits? Bit more than that? Lovers?

"You guys are funny. How am I supposed to keep this to myself?" Rachel wonders with a theatrical expression.

"Rachel you definitely belong into bed. Go rest." I mumble. "But remember, nobody knows but you. And well, Quinn knows, too but she has known for a while now so… just keep it to yourself, end of story." I tell with a determined voice. Rachel slowly nods.

"Whatever you say… I still think you're seducing Brittany on a trip to lezzietown and she just doesn't know how to fight back."

"Shut it, Berry and goodbye." I mutter grabbing one of the pancakes with my left hand and Brittany's wrist with my right. I pull her out of the kitchen and towards the door where we both put on a jacket before stepping outside.

"Sorry I didn't stay to eat your pancakes." I apologize with a big bite. I break of a piece of the still warm pancake in my hand and hold it up to Brittany's lips. "But Berry needs to properly sober up before I can handle eating breakfast with her."

"Yeah she definitely needs some sleep." Brittany chuckles after swallowing.

"Maybe she was still drunk enough to forget what she saw in the kitchen today. Maybe we can make her believe she imagined it all in her drunken state." I suggest with a giggle but Brittany turns silent, her face becoming serious.

"Yeah… maybe" Her voice sounds defeated. I instantly know that I said the wrong thing. She doesn't want to hide us in front of our friends… And I? I don't know.

"I should hurry, Kurt's waiting." She adds.

"Oh ok. Will I… will I see you later?" I ask in a hopeful way. Brittany puts on a brave smile and nods.

"I'm meeting a friend in a Café near your college later today. I've got the evening off. Will you be studying? I could come pick you up for a break afterwards."

"Sounds good. I'll be in the library, I guess. We could go have something to eat or… or drinks. Anything you like."

"Ok" Brittany nods and her eyes meet mine. We both hesitate at first but then we lean in for a kiss on the cheek.

I definitely like kissing her lips better but she's already walking away before I can pull her close for another kiss.

A sigh escapes my lips when I watch her go with quick steps. I totally broke the magic with my comment about Rachel forgetting what she saw in the kitchen. It sounded like I don't want her to remember and that I'm in denial about what's happening with Brittany and me.

Which I sort of _am_ because telling all your friends means you're taking the next step. A big next step. You practically can't go back from there.

And what I want to happen is something I still don't know.

* * *

Saturdays… during my first year at college I never did a thing for my classes on the weekends. I have no idea how I got this far without studying for exams or taking enough time to write essays. The professors must hate me because I never speak up in their classes and my grades are just enough to pass but I've never gotten an A.

I still don't know why I chose to become a lawyer. Well, my father pushed me to do it and I thought why not? I'll make good money to afford a nice life without marrying a rich and successful man. I'm pretty sure that's what my father thought, too once I came out to my parents. My dad always tried to set me up with his best friend's son who's already starting his career to become a wealthy lawyer so when my Dad found out I'll never marry a rich man, he decided it would be best for me to become one myself. Well, a rich woman in my case.

I got accepted to college easily because back at high school I was super nerdy to make my parents proud. Now I couldn't care less… still I'm stuck here because quitting is not an option.

Or is it?

I happen to know that I have a good voice and my acting skills aren't so bad, either. Maybe I could could join Rachel once she moves to New York to work on Broadway. Which would mean I'd have to get along with Rachel which is difficult. Also I'd have to move away from here and leave things behind.

My friends, my life, my city, my… Britt.

I startle when someone drops a box of Chinese food on the book I was currently reading. Reading while thinking of something else which means I'll have to read it all over again.

"Hi boo" It's Quinn. She sits down at the table with a funny grin.

"Uh… hi. You're not allowed to eat in the library, remember? But it smells heavenly." I mumble longingly with my eyes fixated on the Chinese food.

"I know but no risk, no fun right? Have a couple bites, I know you need them. I know it's your favorite meal. It'll make you feel better since you've been sitting in the library for hours, which is so not you. What's gotten into you?" Quinn asks and pushes the box closer to me. I sigh deeply.

"My bad grades have gotten into me..." With a thud I close the book and grab the chopsticks Quinn is handing me.

Three seconds later I have a giant piece of fried chicken in my mouth. I close my eyes at the awesome taste.

"Did I promise too much?" She purrs before shoving some noodles and vegetables into her mouth.

"Chinese never disappoints" I nom before swallowing and already guiding the next bite to my mouth. "Thanks… I truly needed that."

For several minutes we're just sitting there with happy faces while munching delicious food and spreading the scent all over the library but the risk is so worth it.

"I think Puck and I are getting serious" Quinn speaks up once we're full and leaning back in our chairs. "We've been on a couple dates ever since we met him at the club and now he wants me to come to his brother's birthday. That means something, right?"

I nod while playing with a pencil. Puck seems to be a nice guy. I've only met him twice now but whenever Quinn talks about him she gets all dreamy and stuff. I wonder if I look like that, too when I talk about Brittany. Quinn claims that I do and that I have already turned into a romantic.

"He seems like a good guy although he pretends to be badass. Maybe next time we all go out together you can bring him, too? I'd be nice to get to know him bit better." I suggest. Quinn smiles brightly.

"Ok, I'll ask him. Speaking of dating… are you excited about meeting Brittany later?" She winks at me leaving me wondering. How does Quinn know I'll meet Brittany?

"I had coffee with her just before I came back here" She explains. I raise my eyebrows. So Quinn was the friend Brittany was going to meet? Why didn't she tell me?

"Oh did you guys… talk about me?" I ask unsurely.

"Of course. You're our topic number one."

"What? That's weird! I'm _your_ friend, too! What did she say?"

Quinn grins revealingly and it's no question that Brittany told Quinn everything that happened last night.

"Ugh… she told you that we hooked up again, am I right?" I state. The heat across my face tells me I'm blushing. Hard.

"Let's just say I now know what an _amazing _friend you _really _are" Quinn mutters and emphasizes every single word with a sexy voice.

"Shut up" I mumble embarrassedly, taking a big sip of the soda that Quinn brought along with the Chinese take-away.

"Oh it's nothing to be ashamed of. Girls have their needs and you're obviously able to still Brittany's-"

"Ok! I know it, you know it, we all know that Britt and I are sleeping together."

"What do you mean with we _all _know? I thought I was the only one having the honor of knowing your little secret." Quinn states amusedly.

"Actually… Berry sort of knows, too." I mumble.

Quinn's eyes widen. She laughs when I tell her the story of how Rachel caught us making out in the kitchen.

"That's what happens when you're acting so recklessly." Quinn comments. "Come on… it was only a matter of time when people would start to notice. As a matter of fact a blind person would have been able to read the expression on Brittany's face today that basically screamed she had the most earth-shattering orgasm last night."

I hit Quinn's shoulder while making sure nobody is standing near and following our conversation.

"Why don't you speak any louder, Quinn? We're in the library in case you forgot and nobody needs to know about any orgasms that Brittany gets."

Quinn throws her head back and snorts with laughter.

"You're funny when you're being awkward. But seriously. You guys are so easy to read. I can't believe Kurt or Mike haven't been asking about the lovestruck faces you guys have been making in the past couple days or weeks whenever both of you are around."

I fall silent at Quinn's words. If it's _that_ obvious to her then why am I still unsure whether Brittany and I might be a good idea for the long run? Maybe we're perfect for each other… or maybe we were never meant to go that far? How can you know for sure what's the right thing?

"Hey Santana" Quinn's soft voice makes me look up at her. She must be able to read my thoughts. "There's no reason to be worried or to feel pressured. You and Brittany have a bond that's strong enough. Whether you're going to be more than friends or not… you guys will make it. You belong in each other's lives no matter if as friends or lovers. Maybe you just need to go with it without worrying about what might be happening. The right thing will happen. It always does automatically."

The comforting smile on her lips makes me feel better. Whatever Brittany and I are meant to be, it'll happen. I just have to be open about it.

* * *

I'm breathing heavily while letting my hands wander over Brittany's sweaty back. It's so freaking hot under the covers of my bed and I hope dearly that Quinn is still out with Puck because I can't hold back the moans any longer if Brittany continues to rock against me like this.

A gasp escapes her lungs when I start sucking on her neck and cup her butt with both my hands to keep our lower halves even closer together. I'll explode but I can't let a distance come between our bodies right now, I need her too much. Her weight presses into me while her thigh keeps hitting my center and the way she pants against my cheek lets me know it feels just as powerful to her as to me.

How did we end up in a bed so soon again? But it feels like forever ago that we woke up together this morning and I missed her body close to mine so much that I grabbed her face and kissed her as soon as she and I arrived at my dorm room after a lovely date.

She picked me up at the library only seconds after Quinn had left me there alone. She took me to the climbing gym she discovered a week ago and together we climbed those walls. It's something I have never done in my life before but it turns out I'm good at it. Brittany kept telling me I could go higher and higher until I was dizzy and needed to take a couple minutes to breathe.

While two guys of the staff were standing down there and holding on to our safety ropes, Brittany and I held on to the climbing handles, close to each other and grinning exhaustedly.

"It's fun to be up here with you" I mumbled trying to catch my breath. She just gazed at me with a sweet smile.

I don't know why she felt like climbing but I'd never been on such a date so I loved it although I broke a fingernail and left the gym hall with more than one bloody scratch on my shins.

Afterwards we went to get a drink at my favorite pub in town where we talked about how good it feels to do sports like climbing and that we should do it more often. I can't wait to go back there with her although my feet hurt badly from those tiny shoes you have to wear.

She walked me back to college and when I asked her if she wanted to come inside for a glass of water or something she agreed immediately. We both weren't thirsty after we had just gotten back from the pub though. So I pulled Brittany close to me as soon as I shut the door behind her.

And here we are… me lying on my back with Brittany on top of me. Our clothes are somewhere in this room but I don't care where exactly. After kissing for several minutes while standing in front of my bed, we ripped the clothes of each other's bodies and fell onto the mattress, hands touching everywhere which will lead me into another explosion caused by Brittany.

"Oh God" She gasps with an extra intense thrust of her hips against mine, her hand caught between us. She's supporting herself with an elbow next to my head but I can tell she's about to collapse on top of me as her arm is trembling.

I don't want it to be over, yet. It feels too good to see her like this and who knows when the next time will be where we're doing this? I don't want it to be over so soon… we only just started. So I wrap my arms around Brittany's body and with surprising ease I push her up and guide her to lie on her back. Her mouth is open and her eyes are wandering all over my face to find out what might have made me change our position or if something is wrong.

Quickly I lower my head to kiss her softly. I can feel her doubts fly away when she eases into the kiss. Her tongue darts between my lips and starts playing with mine, urging me to kiss her deeper.

I do as she wishes while guiding my right hand under her neck to hold her in an embrace and my left hand down her side. She shivers when I alternate between tickling her skin and gripping her waist. Her kisses become sloppy when I touch her breasts and sigh at how amazing they feel.

She feels so soft, I think I could do this forever if only I didn't crave to see her falling apart underneath me just as much. And so my hand runs over her skin, down to her stomach and lower until I get hindered by my own hips. When I lift my body just a couple inches to guide my fingers where I want them, Brittany's hands are suddenly on my cheeks and carefully pushing me back.

I open my eyes and get lost in her blue orbs. She wants to tell me something, I can read it in her gaze but the words aren't coming out of her mouth. I give her time by letting my hand rest on her hip and pressing one single kiss to her jaw.

She swallows before holding my face bit tighter. She really wants me to look into her eyes and so I do.

"You do know I have feelings for you, right?" She whispers. It catches me off guard.

Of course I know.

"I…"

Brittany lets one of her thumbs run over my lips to interrupt me. I guess she wasn't done talking, yet.

"I'm not sure what it is that _you_ feel for _me_… I know it's more than just fun. But I don't know if it's less than I feel. Maybe you want something other than I do."

"Brittany…" I breathe because I want to tell her that of course it's not just fun for me but her thumb is still on my lips making it difficult to speak. So instead she goes on with a small but determined voice.

"It's not just some silly crush that I'll get over with if we get it out of our system by sleeping with each other." I swallow and watch how her lips form the next words. "I'm in love with you."

My heart does a weird thing. It jumps and skips a beat at the same time. It also warms up and starts throbbing unbelievably fast. It pounds against Brittany's ribcage.

Her eyes aren't pleading me to answer something. She just looks up at me, her face relaxing at the truth coming out of her mouth. Her thumb makes soothing circles on my cheek and her tongue wets her lips before she lifts her head to kiss mine.

I melt into that kiss and the touch of her hand. Nobody has ever told me they were in love with me. I was told that they loved me. And Kendra kept replaying how much she loved - stuff.

But nobody has ever been in love with me. Until now.

When my hand sneaks between her thighs, Brittany doesn't jump or gasp. She just wraps her arms around my body, her lips swallowing mine and her heart beating just as fast as mine, I can actually feel it. When I let my fingers roam around and slide inside her, she sighs into my mouth. We're definitely breathing the same air.

I peek through my eyelids to watch her face when I touch her and thrust into her painfully slow. I never want to do this to someone else again. Just her. And the thought of getting touched by someone else but her seems just as wrong as picturing her with another person.

When she topples over the edge in my arms, covered by my kisses, I almost explode with emotions. She falls apart moaning against my skin and I realize I'm falling, too. Not physically. Not because of a touch. But I'm falling so hard and so deep that I'm scared the earth will swallow me whole.

For Brittany and for her face when she shakes in my arms. For her pretty blonde hair and reddened lips. For her laugh when she's happy or nervous, for her voice when she tells me a story. For her body when she dances and climbs, for her sense of humor and her taste in clothes.

For her devotion to cooking and her friendly appearance. For her honesty and skills to catch spiders. The glances and the smiles and the ideas in her head and the fact that she gives me time when I'm blocked and the way she treats her friends. And especially… the way she sees me.

Nobody gets me the way she does because sometimes I swear I'm weird. And she just takes me the way I am.

How could anyone not love her? She's perfect… she's been there all along and I didn't realize.

To make it up to her I intensivy my kisses. They keep wandering all over her face and neck. Content sighs leave Brittany's lips. She deserves to get kissed all night. No matter how bruised my lips might be in the morning. I'll kiss her until she tells me to stop or until she falls asleep. I'll kiss er as long as she lets me...


	5. Part V

**Chapter 13**

**Brittany's POV…**

Carefree would be an understatement. Santana looks peaceful and happy while she's sleeping. There's not one single worry line on her forehead and no sign of discomfort when I let my finger run down her cheek. She's completely motionless and at ease.

It makes me bit proud to think that maybe I helped her getting to that state of deep and carefree sleep.

I wish I could sleep, too. But sometimes it feels like I haven't truly slept in months. Whenever I close my eyes at night my thoughts go to the restaurant. I can't stop. I always think about what needs to be done the next day and I already worry about how many customers there will be and how stressed I'll be in the kitchen.

It wasn't like this when I started working for Kurt. He and his dad owned this lovely restaurant and when I applied for a job to help out in the kitchen, everything seemed so promising. No responsibility, just doing what I loved so much. Cooking in the evening, taking dance classes in the morning.

But then everything came different when Kurt's dad had to stop working because of his health. I became Kurt's partner because I thought why not? It can't be that hard. They trusted me with this task so I did, too.

But when I look back now, I don't know what I was thinking. I feel like I only live for the restaurant. The money is - well, it could be better. But the responsibility is what's been giving me stomach aches and sleepless nights. Whenever I'm alone in the kitchen I'm on an inner rollercoaster. Everything depends on me. I can't just call in sick because who will be there? The waiters can't cook. Kurt needs his days off just as much as I do.

Closing the restaurant for an extra day every week is not an option because we need the money for the renovation next year otherwise there will soon be no Hummel restaurant anymore.

But it's so much work. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a ghost standing in the kitchen, doing my job. When I get home at night I fall into bed and can't sleep. Did I think of all the administrative stuff? How many reservations do we have? Did I forget to order stuff? Will the dishwasher still work tomorrow after it's been making the weirdest noises all day? We can't afford a new dishwasher!

I need to sit up in bed because I'm starting to breathe harder and I feel incredibly hot. The window of Santana's dorm room is opened but it's so small that there's hardly getting any fresh air inside. At least that's what it feels like right now.

Sometimes I think I could get a panic attack just by thinking about how much work the restaurant actually is and that I never wanted things to get this far. But Kurt is counting on me. I'm his partner. And his good friend.

"Britt?"

I turn my head to look down at Santana who's still got her eyes closed. She's only half awake and reaches out with a clumsy hand. Her fingers wrap around my arm to pull me back down. I let her drag me close to her because sitting there with no clothes on got me shivering. Maybe it's the cold night sweat that's been collecting on my neck and chest. Sometimes I wake up with my top soaking wet after a restless sleep with empty dreams and thoughts of the restaurant.

"You ok?" Santana whispers sleep drunk.

"Yeah" I answer when her arm wraps around my waist, holding me close to her side.

When Santana's breath has evened out once again, I stare up at the ceiling and try to focus on the warm feeling of her skin against mine and the way she makes me feel better no matter how many sorrows I have.

Maybe we can just stay in bed together forever. I won't need anything else. If she gets hungry, I'll feed her kisses.

I chuckle at the silliness of my thoughts. Santana would roll her eyes.

"Britt…" Santana's voice sounds so groggy. I startle a bit because I thought she fell asleep. "You're all sweaty. Are you not feeling well? Did you have a nightmare?"

Her hand is now on my neck. My skin is still cold and damp.

"I'm… I'm ok. It's just really hot in here and under the covers."

Santana sits up in bed and three seconds later the lamp on her nightstand makes me squeeze my eyelids together.

"You'll catch a cold like this. Let me get you a shirt or something."

"No, I don't want to ruin your shirt. I'll just stay like this until I'm all dry again. Go back to sleep, it's like five in the morning."

Santana just shakes her head while letting her eyes roam over my body. Then she gets up, grabs a bathrobe which she throws into my lap and a towel for herself. Two minutes later I find myself getting dragged into the girls' dorm bathroom.

"Don't worry, nobody will be up so early." Santana whispers when she loosens her towel. She's suddenly completely naked in front of me.

Again.

I swallow when she reaches for my bathrobe with gentle fingers and a caring expression on her face.

"Don't be shy now, there's a first time for everything."

I smile at her when she pulls me into one of the stalls after turning the water on. At first I jump at the coldness but soon the water becomes comfortably warm and together with Santana's beautiful body right in front of mine, I start to feel at ease.

The uncomfortable feeling of being all sweaty and sticky washes away when the water runs over my head and shoulders. I shut my eyes at the closeness of Santana because it makes me nervous in a way. We slept together last night. It was different than the first times.

I told her I'm in love with her, leaving me wondering what it did to her. I wasn't expecting anything in return last night. But I still wonder what she thought when I said it.

I sigh when her arm brushes against my side. The showerhead really isn't that big so we need to basically hug each other to stay warm under the water. Maybe we also find ourselves in a hug because it simply feels so nice. My chin rests on her shoulder while her fingers skate along my spine. Soft lips press wet kisses to my neck. I could stand in here forever.

The touches don't go any further and the kisses don't turn heated. It's all just slow and easy. Wonderful. If my body was always this relaxed, nothing could ever make me feel stressed or pressured.

Later her hands sneak up to my hair and I'm surprised when the sweet scent of Santana's shampoo fills my nose. I didn't even notice her bringing shampoo. I don't think anything has ever felt as good as her fingers in my hair, washing it gently.

When she's done she takes care of her own hair with a soft smile on her lips while I watch her.

It's not fair how pretty she is. To all the other people it's not fair because I'm the one who gets to see her naked and will go back to bed with her later. I'm the one who knows what her kisses feel like and how soft her skin is. I'm the one who knows what her face looks like when she gets touched intimately and receives kisses at the same time.

I'm the one who knows all that and so it's really unfair to the rest of the world.

"Are you feeling better?" She asks with a kiss to my lips when she's done washing her hair.

"Very" I breathe before following her out of the shower.

"Is that a hickey?" She points out when we're standing in front of the big mirrors, combing our hair.

I totally left a hickey on her neck tonight but I don't even feel sorry about it. It's sexy.

"Do you want me to be sorry?" I ask playfully when she lets her finger trace over it.

Her eyes meet mine in the reflection and she shakes her head slowly.

"Absolutely not" She says. The heat crawls over my face because the thought of Santana walking around with my mark on her neck is pretty hot.

We only blow dry our hair for two minutes and with still damp strands we sneak back into Santana's bedroom. With a giggle we meet under the sheets after putting on fresh underwear and a top.

"Thank you" I whisper into the dark when Santana's hand settles on my waist.

"What for?"

"For taking care of me and making me feel comfortable whenever I'm with you."

Although the lights are off I can see Santana's lips curl into a smile. I have to press a kiss to her lips. In return she plants two kisses on my cheek and jaw and at first I think she's just being sweet but when her lips start sucking on my neck out of nowhere, I almost fall out of bed.

"Payback" She mutters against my skin. I shiver.

I don't care that later I'll wake up with a hickey of the size of a watermelon. I won't stop her because it feels too good.

Without letting things get out of hands Santana pulls away after a while, a victorious smirk on her face.

"I better stop or you'll look like a Dalmatian in the morning" Santana purrs when she settles back down next to me. "Let's sleep for another hour or two."

I'm not going to object to that and sigh comfortably at the feeling of Santana's hand on my stomach.

I wish I could always fall asleep like this. All the worries are gone when Santana holds me in her arms.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

"Hey Santana? What's uh… what happened to your neck there?"

My hand flies to my neck to cover the hickey but it's too late. Kurt always notices everything.

Ever since we became friends about three years ago we've gotten to know each other quite well. I don't really know what it's like to work with him (except for all the stories Brittany tells me) but in private we can read each other like a book. He always knows when there is something going on and I kind of expected him to find out about this new certain someone in my life a lot sooner. Although it's not just a certain someone… Kurt knows her too well and he'll probably freak out when he realizes that Brittany is very much responsible for that hickey on my neck.

"Uhm what?"

"Don't play dumb. Did you suck on your own neck or have you been hooking up with Kendra again?" Kurt's eyes bore into mine.

We've been sitting in the kitchen of his apartment for the past hour and talked about how Kurt wants to introduce his new lover to the rest of the clique because it's turning into something serious.

We do this every once in a while where we sit together and talk about our love lives. Either super enthusiastically or super depressed… now that we've discussed Kurt's situation, I already know that he'll want to know every detail about that hickey on my neck.

I've been dying to tell Kurt. Quinn is one of my closest friends and we know pretty much everything about each other. But Kurt sometimes understands me better.

"Kendra's history… we had fun together but we weren't ever going to become an item."

"Ok" Kurt drags out, waiting for me to say more.

"It uh… ok I'm going to tell you something now because you'd find out sooner or later anyway and although I kind of tried to keep it a secret, Quinn and Rachel already know-"

"Oh my God _what_ is going on? Are you pregnant? Please don't tell me you're pregnant. How the hell could you have gotten pregnant?!"

"Kurt, no! I am _not_ pregnant. Seriously?"

"Are you quitting your studies?"

"What? What makes you think that?" I ask incredulously. I never tell anyone about how much I would love to just drop everything but I'm too embarrassed because I have already gotten this far and people would think that I'm crazy.

"Uh because you keep complaining about how boring it is to become a lawyer?"

"Oh… well, honestly I have been thinking about it but you have to keep it to yourself, ok? I think my parents would come haunt me first and then murder me afterwards if they ever found out about those thoughts."

"I promise I won't tell anyone but if you're serious about this then maybe you _should _talk to your parents. When they see that you're not happy then they will accept it."

I sigh at Kurt's words because he doesn't know my parents. Not finishing your studies is a sin in their eyes. How could I ever explain to them that going to law school was never my dream but theirs? How could they understand my dream to sing and act in a musical or a stage play?

"I don't know how to tell them." I mumble discouraged.

"You'll have to think of a way if you don't want to regret it one day. But now back to your hickey. Who is she and why haven't I met her? Does she go to your college? Is she hot? Can she cook?"

I stare at Kurt when he asks the last question. So he _does_ know that it's Brittany?

"Wh- what?"

"I was just thinking… if she can cook then you can tell her that Britt and I need another chef to help out at the restaurant."

"Oh…well." I say and nod slowly.

Kurt's smile fades until he's just staring at me with a blank expression. Then he's lips part and his jaw slowly drops.

Is he putting two and two together?

"Wait… a couple days ago I observed Brittany writing a text message and I remember how goofily she grinned while doing so and when I asked her who she's texting, she said _you._ I didn't think about it any further but now… when she came to drop something off at the restaurant today she kept touching her neck and then I noticed a…" Kurt's eyes narrow when I try to avoid his glance. "A hickey" He adds with a shrug of his shoulder.

He closes his eyes for a moment and I prepare myself for anything. A loud shriek, a gasp… or a lecture about how I shouldn't seduce poor Brittany just like Rachel.

"Ok if what I'm thinking right now is true then I'm gonna lose it." He says with a growing grin on his face. "Please tell me that you're new secret lover is Brittany Susan Pierce."

At this point it is safe to say that I am speechless.

"Holy crap! I knew it! I have known for so long! I already thought so two years ago!" He screams and makes a fist in the air.

"You… you knew?" I ask with a dry throat. How is it possible that he already knew two years ago? That's… impossible.

"Yes! I always thought that Brittany might be into girls! I just never dared to ask her because she had that boyfriend and she only went on dates with guys but I totally knew! Damn my gaydar is too good… I keep beating myself."

"Wait, you… you knew that Brittany was into girls? I had no idea. How did _you_ know?" I wonder honestly.

For the next couple minutes Kurt explains to me how he somehow got the strangest gay vibe when he got to know Brittany although she was dating a boy. He explains how Brittany kept talking about her favorite actress Monica Bellucci and how breathtakingly beautiful she was. He explains that Brittany sometimes asked random questions like how he found out he was attracted to boys.

When I tell him how Brittany confessed her feelings to me, he listens intensly.

"I have to say I wasn't expecting _you _two to get together." He says slowly. "Probably because everyone of us always looked at you guys as best _friends_. But it makes so much sense if I think about it. Whenever you two are together you both wear these stupid grins and sometimes you forget that there are other people around. The chemistry you've had since the day you and Quinn came into our restaurant for the very first time is undeniable."

I think about Kurt's words for a while. If other people think the same whenever they see me and Brittany together? Has it really been that obvious that we should be together and I was just too busy chasing other girls?

I wish I could go back to that younger version of me and slap the back of her head real hard to make her look up and notice what's been right in front of her.

"So… are you a couple now? Or just dating casually followed by steamy hours in bed?" Kurt isn't one to be shy about personal questions. "Are you serious about her or is it fun to you?"

When he pierces his eyes into mine I swallow.

Yesterday Brittany told me she's in love with me. And I? I said nothing… she still doesn't know what is going on inside of me every hour we spend together and every single minute she's gone.

"You don't have to answer right now. Just think about it. Britt's an amazing girl who deserves to be treated right, you know…"

I almost tell him to take a closer look at Brittany's work hours if he wants her to get treated right but then I let it be.

I know he's right after all. I know what she deserves… it's sincerity and my honest words. And that's why I'm going to talk to her about everything.

* * *

**A couple days later…**

I haven't been this nervous since my high school graduation when I'm standing in front of Brittany's apartment.

My original plan about confessing my honest feelings didn't add up. When I called her the other day to ask what time she'd get off work, Brittany said that she was already at home and in bed because she was feeling sick. She sounded miserable…

I offered to come over to bring her some chicken soup but Brittany just wanted to sleep. Of course I accepted but couldn't stop worrying all night long. Whenever Brittany catches a cold or gets the flu, she is more than happy to open the door for me so I can bring her chicken soup or make some tea in her kitchen. She still talks to me if only to complain about her sore throat or sickness to her stomach. But she never shuts me out when she's sick.

A day later I called her again but she didn't even pick up. I wrote her about ten text messages to let her know that I was worried but I didn't hear from her until late in the evening. Her voice sounded so small over the phone and I could literally see her sad face when she told me that she was still not feeling better but that she wanted to hear my voice before going to bed.

I wanted to tell her so badly that I missed her like crazy and that I would have come to her as fast as possible if she wanted me to. But she sounded so exhausted that I just whispered a goodbye and that she could call me at any time if she needed me.

Today I got a text message while I was sitting in the library reading another boring book. My heart rate sped up when I saw it was Brittany and that she wanted to know if I could see her in the evening. I literally dropped everything at that moment to run out of the library and make my way to her apartment. I was already outside campus when I realized that I was about four hours early because Brittany had asked to come over in the _evening_ and not immediately.

Somehow I managed to keep myself busy for the rest of the day and even ate something for dinner together with Quinn. She told me to calm my nerves and that Britt probably just caught a cold which she needed to cure before going back to work or finding the energy to go on another date with me. I wasn't sure whether to believe that or not.

When the door to Brittany's apartment gets opened, I can't help the grin creeping over my face. She's standing there wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, her hair up in a bun and her lips forming into a shy smile.

"Hi" I breathe when I make a step towards her. She looks as tired as if she hasn't slept in days.

Automatically my hands reach for hers to pull her in for a hug.

"I missed you" I whisper. I mean it more than anything else I've said to her so far. My lips press a lingering kiss to her neck while her hands rest on my lower back. She feels heavy against me, as if she's too exhausted to stand alone. "Are you ok?"

Brittany pulls back after a while, her eyes seeking mine.

"I just made some tea. Do you want some?" She ignores my question and when I nod, she guides me through the living room to the balcony.

There's a small table with a teapot and two cups, a candle and Rachel's dog. Ryan is sleeping comfortably on a pillow with a toy right in front of his nose. Usually he'd be all up in my face with it by now but Brittany must have played with him before I came to get him tired. She knows how much I hate it when he throws his slippery toy at my feet.

She pours me a cup of tea when I sit down in one of the chairs. It's already getting bit darker outside but I can clearly see her face and the uneasiness upon it.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your messages… I know you were worried. But everything just somehow turned upside down in the past three days."

I knit my eyebrows together because I don't know what Brittany's saying. She's sitting in her chair with her knees pulled up to her stomach, the light of the candle flickering in her eyes. I could easily reach out my hand to take hers but I decide to let her talk first.

"Kurt needed me at the restaurant although I had the night off. His dad called because he wasn't feeling well and needed to go see the doctor. You know how it's been in the past couple months… he's always complaining about something and it's not that I don't want Kurt to take care of his dad. It's just that I'm the only one who can take over Kurt's shifts. Of course I get paid for it but I would have needed another night at home to just relax and get some sleep."

Brittany stares into the cup of tea in her hands. She's got me so worried by now that I almost can't take it. This version of her is heartbreaking. She's all tired and sad which is so unlike her.

"When I got home from the restaurant that night I really wasn't feeling well. I hadn't eaten anything all night because I was so busy at work. I remember how I stepped into the bathroom to take a shower and that my legs felt all weak and funny. Next thing I know is how I woke up on the bathroom floor with Rachel holding a wet cloth to my forehead."

It feels like the blood freezes in my veins. All I can see is an unconscious Brittany lying on the floor, all pale and sick. Why didn't she tell me sooner? Why didn't Rachel call me? I would have been there in a heartbeat!

"Britt you… you passed out? Why? What happened afterwards? Did you go see a doctor?"

Brittany shakes her head with a quick glance at me.

"Not that night. Rachel helped me to get to my room and she made some tea. She wanted to call the doctor but I told her not to. It was already so late at night and I just wanted to sleep. In the morning I still felt super weak so I let Rachel take me to my doctor. He examined me and we talked… and eventually he signed me off work for a month."

I feel like breaking into tears. Brittany never takes off work if it isn't absolutely and completely necessary. One time she had to take out her wisdom teeth all four at once and Rachel and I basically had to drag her out of the kitchen when we heard that she still went to work the very same day. Another time she sprained her ankle during a workout session and all week long Brittany did the flamingo stand in front of the stove, not even complaining a little bit about pain or discomfort.

What on earth could make her stay away from work for one whole month?

"Brittany, I don't know what to say." I exhale a shaky breath. "Is it… is it like a burnout syndrome?" I ask with a ridiculously weak voice. I always knew that Brittany was working too much and although I was worried, I somehow foolishly thought that nothing could bring her down. I always thought that she'd know when she reached her boundaries and that Kurt would eventually understand that they can't handle the restaurant by themselves.

When Brittany shakes her head I feel utter relief inside my chest. The next second my heart starts aching all over again because Brittany is not doing well.

I need her to be fine. I really really need her to.

"But I'm like a step away from it. It's all the work-related stress that's been nagging on me and when I had to take over Kurt's shift it was all just too much. I love my job and I haven't been depressed in general. My motivation is still there. But physically I'm completely worn out. My doctor told me I have to slow down and take a step back or two. I informed Kurt this morning and that I can't go back to work for a while. He was shocked… but I think it opened his eyes. He hired his cousin to help out although he's not really a cook. And tomorrow this other guy will start working. Kurt and I talked about hiring him a while ago but then Kurt backed out because he was worried about the money. Now he doesn't have a choice."

I can't hold back anymore and lean closer to Brittany to put my hand on her arm. I just want to hug her and kiss all that worry away. I know too well that Brittany is absolutely not fine about leaving Kurt alone and that she'll feel bad forever.

She's just too good of a person sometimes.

"He will manage alright. I'm sure this other cook is a good guy and they'll take care of the restaurant, don't worry. You need to look after yourself now." I whisper and bite my lip when Brittany puts a hand on top of mine.

"I will. Which leads me to why I needed to talk to you…"

My heart twitches painfully because I have no idea what's going to happen next. Will she tell me to forget about us because she needs to be alone? Whatever it is that we've shared for the past couple weeks… I think I'll die if she shuts me out now.

"I want you to know that all this has nothing to do with you." She says determinedly. "We've had some ups and downs ever since I told you about my feelings and sometimes I was really desperate because I didn't know what to do. But then things happened and brought us closer… you need to know that you've been making me incredibly happy lately and that everything we have means so much to me. Especially what happened on the weekend. I hope I didn't scare you away."

"Britt, no. Of course not! I haven't been able to think of anything else. In a good way. That night was… amazing."

"And sort of a mistake."

My heart cracks a little bit when those words leave Brittany's mouth. Actually I think it bursts into hundreds of pieces.

"A mistake?" I ask with all hope floating out of my body. Did I misinterpret things? She said she's in love with me. How could this be a mistake? I'm desperate. All good things in my life are somehow related to Brittany.

When something hot stings my cheek I realize that I'm crying. All of a sudden. Brittany immediately gets up from her chair and kneels down in front of mine. Both her hands wrap around mine as she pulls it up to her chest.

"Wait, that's not how I meant it!" She says desperately. I can feel her heart beating against the back of my hand where it gets pressed to her body. "I don't mean a mistake as in _regretting_ it. I absolutely don't."

I manage to take a breath of air when she looks up at me sincerely, the words she says giving me hope again. But still I'm conflicted.

"It was one of the most amazing nights of my life…but…" Her blue eyes are searching my face while mine are all watery and I need to blink several times to get a clear view of Brittany's face. "It means it'll only be harder for me to go."

For a couple seconds I just gaze at Brittany trying to understand.

"Going _where?"_ I ask with a tear dripping down my chin and landing on the sleeve of Brittany's shirt. Where could she possibly go?

She takes some deep breaths before glancing up at me with an utter apologetic look.

"I talked to my dad on Skype this morning. He…he got into an early retirement and has so much time to kill now. I told him about everything and... I'm going to stay with my parents for a while. I should have told you sooner but it wasn't planned. Not really… I've wanted to visit them for a while and today I decided to do it spontaneously. It's what I need right now."

I know how much Brittany's been longing to see her family and it causes me to swallow emptily when I think about what that means.

"Your parents live in _Florida_." I mumble crestfallenly.

She just nods slowly while she pulls my hand up to her face to kiss it. I cup her chin to make her look into my eyes.

"Right now they're actually staying at a rental cottage in Cape Cod. They do this every year and now they're staying longer because of my dad's retirement. He really wants me to come after he heard what happened and how crazy work has been. I just… I need to do this to recover and so I can get the energy back that I'll need go back to work."

I'm embarrassed about the sob leaving my lungs because Brittany's the one who deserves to be sad and to cry. I'm supposed to be strong for her right now and tell her that it's ok for her to go so she can get recovery. But I can't help it. I'm crying.

"Hey…" She coos and supports herself on my knees to lean in and press a kiss to my cheek. It's a wet peck because of the tears that are rolling down my face. "I'll be back. I promise. You'll get your best friend back, I just need some time…"

I let my forehead rest against hers, wanting to stay as close as possible while I let the words settle. Can I tell her that I don't want my best friend to come back but my _girlfriend_? I don't want her to go in the first place!

"Are we…" My voice sounds raspy. I need to clear my throat first. Maybe also to buy some time before I ask the question that's been burning on my tongue. "Are we ending things then?"

A fresh wave of desperation washes over me at speaking the words out loud. How pathetic am I?

I expect nothing and everything at the same time. Going back to being friends will be so awkward. I don't think I can do it.

The pressure of warm lips against mine makes my heart flutter. She cups my face to pull me close to her while she kisses me deeply to renew all the promises we never spoke out loud. Things aren't going to end because of this.

Right at this moment I think we would manage anything. Together…

"We'll go on dates." She whispers after slow and salty kisses. "So many. I promise. Just give me some time."

I nod hastily because all I want is for her to get better. I'll do anything so she can achieve that.

I pull her up because it must be uncomfortable on the knees and her arms wrap around my neck when she sinks down in my lap. I breathe in the scent of her hair while holding her close to me, the tense feeling in my chest loosening.

We stay outside on her balcony for another hour although it feels like all night. And when I kiss her goodbye at her door, Brittany tells me that she'll text me as soon as she arrives at her parents' cottage. That's when it hits me that not seeing her for several weeks will be so hard. I try not to show it because I know that Brittany needs to do whatever will make her feel better.

But before I let her close that door I need to somehow show her that I'll wait for her. Even if she already knows, I need to make clear that I'll wait for her and that I don't want anything else.

My eyes fall to her hands which are by her sides, playing with the hem of her shirt. Without needing to think about it, I pull off my ring. I bought it on our trip to the sea last year. One evening the six of us went to this market where we ate ice cream and laughed so hard at silly things. Brittany and I looked at some jewelry while the others were strolling around somewhere. Brittany bought a pair of earrings and I bought this silver ring. It was too big for my ring finger but it was so nice that I still bought it and have been wearing it on my thumb ever since.

During dinner that night, Quinn and Rachel wanted to have a closer look at my ring and so it got passed from hand to hand until it arrived in Brittany's. She put it on her thumb to see what it would look like on her and couldn't get it off anymore all night. Embarrassed she gave it back to me in the morning after using some soap.

Brittany's eyes widen when she sees that I'm putting the ring on her finger.

"What are you doing? What if it gets stuck again?" She asks with worry in her voice while admiring the ring on her thumb.

I chuckle softly. I know she loves this ring although she almost panicked when the ring accident happened last year and she couldn't return it to me.

"It looks better on you anyways." I mumble, catching the sparkle in Brittany's eyes at my words.

She pulls me in for another hug. I don't want to let go. It's safe to say that Brittany not only has my ring but also my heart.

"Can I still call you when you're there and I'm here?" I ask in a hopeful way. "I mean I'd understand if not… never mind, I'm not going to bother you-"

"I want you to."

With a deep breath I nod before leaning in for a kiss on her cheek. It lingers longer than I intended which causes a smile to form on Brittany's lips.

After we both whisper a 'bye' and her hand squeezes mine once more, I step away from the door. I can hear it closing when I have already reached the stairway that will get me down on the street.

A couple weeks sounds long in my head when I think about it.

I don't know how I'm supposed to just carry on while Brittany's far away. Now that we've finally found each other I'm already supposed to miss her again?

A couple weeks really sounds awfully long. I can't believe my heart literally aches at the thought of it. I need to press my hand to my chest when I walk back to college.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

When I'm sitting on the grass in the college yard with my broken guitar in front of me and my bruised lips still sore, a bird drops something truly gross on the back of my hand and it's the moment I can't hold back my tears any longer.

I turn into a weeping mess after I managed not to cry for two whole weeks. Two weeks of my life with my patience wearing thin, my aggressions hardly under control and a heartache I've never felt before. At one point I was close to calling the doctor at the pain inside my chest but then Quinn stopped me and we ate lots of chocolate ice cream instead.

I was never an ace at writing assignments but ever since Brittany left, I have no idea how words work. I got into a physical fight with Berry because I insulted her dog during one of our dvd nights and she told me to shut up my sexually frustrated mouth just because Brittany left. Kurt and Mike literally had to pull us apart.

I don't know why I got so upset when she mentioned my frustration about Brittany's departure. But Brittany's name leaving her lips got my heart beating fast because Brittany wasn't there. She hasn't been around for only two weeks and I'm already going insane. I feel like throwing a tantrum all the time or crying desperately into my pillow. Nothing's the same anymore and I don't understand how I never realized this earlier. Why didn't I appreciate her more when she was around? I just took her for granted.

Yesterday I tried to write a song in order to sort out my mess of emotions but as far as I got at the end of the day were the combination of two chords and a ruined guitar. One of the strings broke and I don't have the motivation to go to a guitar shop and fix it.

Instead I tried to play again today and it sounded so terribly wrong that even birds left the tree I'm sitting under. One of those birds must have thought it was funny to poop on my wrist and I don't have one single tissue in my pocket to wipe it off.

"Santana? What are you doing?"

I look up through teary eyes, not sure if it's really Quinn standing in front of me.

"Are you crying?" She asks when she kneels down on the grass.

My sniffles are answer enough because she wordlessly pulls out a paper tissue to take care of the situation on my left wrist. Then she sits down close to me and puts an arm around my shoulders so I can lean in and cry into the sleeve of her shirt.

"My God you really are a mess without her, aren't you?" She asks softly after a while.

Quinn knows me too well. I don't even need to explain to her that I'm crying because of heartache.

"She just left" I croak while trying to wipe some tears off my cheeks. "She turns my world upside down by telling me that she has feelings for me. She gives me the worst conscience for not realizing sooner and for not returning those feelings in the beginning. Then she opens my eyes and makes me fall for her like a damn skydiver and we have the most amazing sex ever and all I want is to be with her but then? She leaves! I couldn't even tell her that I'm so in love with her, too."

Quinn stops stroking my back at the last sentence. I swallow because I've never said it out loud.

"You… you really love her?" Quinn asks carefully.

I nod. I have known since the moment Brittany told me she was in love with me. I've known since she caught the spider in my dorm room and since she took me to the climbing hall. I just didn't realize _how much_ until now that she's gone.

"Of course I do" I mumble with a small sob. "I was stupid not to tell her. I had so many chances in the past couple weeks. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm an idiot. Everybody else would know how to confess your feelings and I'm just… I'm blocked when it comes to that, you know?"

Quinn sighs and presses a soothing kiss to my temple.

"You're not an idiot, Santana. Sometimes we're a little blind when the thing we want has been right in front of our eyes the whole time."

"Yeah and now I let her go before I could make things clear. I mean she knows that I want her and that it hasn't been just fun for me. But she doesn't actually know what I feel. Maybe she assumes it. But she doesn't know for sure because I was being dumb."

"Come on… Brittany's a smart girl. She'll know that you're still going to be here when she returns. And then you have all the time to tell her."

"But I want to tell her now. I want to tell it to her face so she knows I absolutely mean it." I gasp with a couple of fresh tears running down my cheeks. Quinn squeezes my shoulder.

"Maybe… maybe you can go after her? If you want to tell her so badly then why don't you go there? Cape Cod is only a couple hours away. It's Friday afternoon, you could easily make it."

I shake my head because I know Brittany needs space and time for herself. If I showed up there, I'd pressure her to come back sooner.

"No… it's too late, she needs the time." I whisper sadly. "I just have to be patient."

* * *

I am patient. Another whole week passes where I try to focus on my studies but nothing genius happens. If I continue like this, I'll flunk out of college before I can say oopsie.

Rachel and I have been avoiding each other and I find myself hanging out at Kurt's restaurant very often. Something about helping out serving the guests during rush hour makes me feel closer to Brittany although I know she's lying on the beach somewhere at the very same time.

The new cook in the kitchen is really good. His name is Pablo and comes from Costa Rica so they even changed the menu a little bit with exotic meals and cocktails.

But nothing feels the same without Brittany here. I went climbing in the gym hall alone and this guy tried to hit on me. The same night Quinn, Mike and I went to a club and although the music was hot and we had fun, dancing without Brittany was just… moving limbs. Dancing _with_ Brittany is passion, sexy and lots of butterflies all over the place.

Another day I tried to cook spaghetti carbonara because how hard can it be? It is Brittany's favorite pasta whenever we have girls night and she can do it like a pro. Because she _is_ a freaking pro. I have watched her making it countless times but when I did it on my own I almost puked at the taste of it. Did I confuse salt with sugar? Forgot the eggs? It was simply gross…

Nothing works without her and I sigh audibly when I fall into bed after another long day at the library, getting forced by Quinn to read books and articles.

This bed is so uncomfortable if I think about it. It never occurred to me when I started college but now… this mattress blows. Maybe it's because I know what Brittany's mattress feels like and what it smells like in her bed. The buzzing noise of my mobile makes me shoot up in bed because I was already getting sleepy. I groan in frustration when I have to turn around to pick the phone up from my nightstand.

My heart throbs when I see an incoming call and Brittany's name on the screen. I'm not dreaming though, right? It's past ten o'clock.

With quick fingers I unlock the screen and hold the phone to my ear.

"H-hello?"

"_Hi…"_

I jump out of bed when I hear Brittany's voice. My throat goes dry and my fingers are slightly trembling. A couple months ago I would have answered a phone call from Brittany with the words: 'What's up, Brad?' Now I can hardly breathe because I have no idea how she's been doing in the past couple days.

"Brittany it's so good to hear your voice. Aren't you sleeping?"

"_I couldn't fall asleep… how are you?"_

"Me?" I gasp with a laugh because I'm perfect. Maybe I was a mess three minutes ago but right now I'm just perfect. "I'm good, Britt. How are you? Are you alright? How's the ocean? And your parents?"

The questions just bubble out of me because I need to know so badly.

"_I'm good, too. I sleep a lot these days and help my dad in his garden. My parents own the cottage so they take good care of it and there's always something to do. My parents are glad to have me here."_

"That sounds great, B… It's funny that you're calling now because I was just thinking of you."

"_Yeah?"_

"Yeah… I'm constantly thinking of you actually."

"_Me, too, you know."_

"Really?"

"_Mhm…"_

I get up from the mattress because I'm all overwhelmed to hear from her.

"_What did you do today?" _She wants to know when I make a few steps around my room.

"Today? I got up really early to go jogging before my first lecture. Turns out I can concentrate a whole lot better that way."

"_Oh yeah? Who taught you that?"_

"You did…"

I can hear Brittany's chuckle. It's true. She always tells me and Quinn to do sports next to our studies and she swears we'll do better at exams.

"_Glad you're taking my advice then. What else did you do?"_

"Uhm… I had lunch with my cousin. You know the one who's a bartender at this amazing club you've always wanted to go. If you still feel like going one day, you just have to let me know."

"_Awesome. I totally feel like going dancing with you."_

"Good. Well and later I went to the library till late in the evening. Trying to be a nerd these days but it's not really happening. Guess what I did yesterday."

"_What?"_

"I was at the restaurant and waitress Santana got amazing tip."

"_Huh? You helped out?"_

"Yes. I've done so a couple times lately. I can use the money and well… it feels good to be doing something other than studying."

"_Wow… now I feel bad for lying in the sun while you guys work so hard."_

"Please… you deserve to just relax and lean back."

I walk to my closet where I have hundreds of pictures of my friends and family. My eyes immediately search for my favorite picture which is me, Quinn and Brittany sitting at the beach. Mike took the picture during our trip last year and everythime I look at it, it makes me smile. Quinn and I have an ice cream in hand and we're wearing sunglasses. Brittany is in the middle and she's got her arm around Quinn's shoulders while she's making the loser sign above my head.

She's also licking my ice cream as I'm holding it up to her lips. Only now I realize the huge grin on my face in that picture. I'm the only one who's not looking into the camera but at Brittany sitting next to me.

The urge to be close to her and hug her tightly is suddenly incredibly strong. I wish I could crawl into the phone and make my way through the line to wherever she is at the moment.

"My God, Brittany I miss you so much…" I whisper when I let my hands run through my hair. Memories of the last night she spent at my dorm room rush through my mind. Her pretty face and her soft kisses. "Everything sucks without you here."

"_Oh San… I wish I could be there right now. I'll be back soon."_

"No, no, I'm not trying to make you come back. I know you need the time. I just can't believe how miserable I am without you. You make everything better and… you're so special to me Britt."

"_Santana…"_ I can hear the desperate but loving smile in Brittany's voice and I imagine how she closes her eyes just like me, imagining the two of us were together right now. _"You know I really love it here but… every night I go to sleep I just want to call you and hear your voice."_

"Why don't you? I'd always pick up."

"_I know… but talking to you and not being able to be close to you at the same time… I don't know what's harder than that."_

For a while we're both just silent, listening to the other's breath.

"So uh" I speak up and clear my throat. "I know that you're signed off work for a month which would mean that you'd have to come back in about a week. Do you… do you already know whether you're coming home or if you'll stay longer?"

Brittany sighs softly before answering.

"_I talked to Kurt this morning and he said that it would be ok if I stayed a couple days longer. This Pablo guy is doing a great job and Kurt wants me to come back fully recovered. He's very worried… so maybe I'll stay bit longer."_

I nod although Brittany can't see me. Not seeing her next week makes my heart ache but I'll always want her to do what she needs to feel good.

"Ok. Whatever you need will be the right thing. I'll miss you like crazy though."

"_Me, too. You have no idea… I know you're super busy with your studies and that you probably don't have the time to…"_

"To do what?"

"_I was just thinking that… if you could maybe use a weekend off campus to… to relax a bit and forget about libraries and books. I mean you're always welcome to come over."_

I blink a couple times because did Brittany just ask me to visit her? In her parents cottage right by the sea?

"_San?"_

"Oh! Really? You'd want me to come? Like next weekend?"

"_Only if you want to. If it's not a good time then you don't have to feel obliged to-"_

"I'd love to. You can't imagine how much I'd need a weekend away from college. And if it means I'll get to see you then… I'd love to."

Brittany's chuckle fills my ear and I can't help but grin, too.

"_Oh wow I can't wait to take you to the beach. I know how much you love it."_

"I do…"

"_But if it's still not a good time then you don't have to, ok? You can just decide spontaneously next Friday. Does that sound good?"_

"That sounds very good. I'll let you know Thursday evening, yeah?"

"_Works with me."_

"Cool"

I make a fist at the thought of leaving campus for a night or two and mostly for seeing Brittany again.

"_I'll let you go back to sleep now. You probably need to get up early in the morning."_

"That's right. It was really good to hear from you, Britt."

"_Same… Goodnight then."_

After I put my phone down on the small desk in my room, I tiptoe back to the bed. I feel all warm and cuddly when I crawl under the blanket, as if someone had been holding me in a tight embrace.

For the first time in three weeks I go to sleep with a light feeling inside my chest and a smile on my face.

Last year Brittany and I had so much fun at the beach together with our friends. Back then I had no idea about her feelings and she was still my best friend. On our last evening we went for a long walk by the water, just the two of us. I remember how I was feeling nothing but happy at that moment.

Maybe next weekend we can do it again and this time I'll take her hand into mine and kiss her under the setting sun.

All I need is a car to get there.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Brittany's POV…**

Sweat is dripping off my forehead when I sit up straight to take a break. Gardening work combined with the hot sun burning down on my skin is totally exhausting but it feels so good. It's very different from working at the restaurant.

Here I can sit back to take a breath any time I want. There's a deckchair and a small table with iced tea in my parents' garden and Flippy is playing with a branch. He's my mom's new golden retriever. I was so happy when I found out that they brought him, too.

One day I want a house by the beach, too… it doesn't have to be as fancy as this one. I'll never be able to afford it. But just a small tiny cottage where I can live with my garden and roses and the love of my life and our seven kids. Or just two…

Excitement fills my chest when I think about Santana coming here tomorrow. Just one more day and we'll finally get to see each other again. I've only been here for a month and I am already going crazy. Ever since we became friends we haven't been apart for more than a week. Now that we're more than friends it's almost unbearable.

But tomorrow around seven she'll be here… if I can just kiss her when we say hello? I'd say I'm allowed after everything we've done. Does the heat in my face mean I'm turning red by thinking of it?

"Brittanyyyy!" My mom's shrill voice throws me back into presence. I clear my throat to get rid of the thoughts about me and Santana in her dorm room.

Or my bedroom.

I turn around to find my mother standing by the patio door with her hand shielding her eyes from the sun.

"What is it mom?" I shout and I'm already prepared for a lecture about how I'm supposed to put my cereal bowl into the dishwasher and not the sink.

"You have a visitor! I sent them up to your room."

"Oh… who is it?" I ask because I know that Santana won't be here until tomorrow. Just five minutes ago I got a text message saying that she can't wait to see me in about fourteen hours.

"This friend you've been talking about! I'm taking Flippy on a walk now, ok? Your dad is somewhere in the garage doing God knows what… See you later!"

I watch how my mom calls Flippy over before disappearing inside the house. Oh no… did my mom seriously let this Nathan guy inside my room? I got to know him yesterday when I was walking by the beach and we got into talking a bit. He was there with his friends and they invited me for a drink.

Nathan told me that he had seen me in my garden since he and his friends are currently staying in a house close to ours. I tried to make clear that I wasn't interested but I guess me saying "I'm seeing someone" was not clear enough.

The rush of butterflies I felt by saying those words was pretty overwhelming. It's not even official… Santana and I aren't a couple. But I know that what happened between us makes us more than just lovers. We're not an affair. And I hope sooner or later she will get to that point, too.

Holy crap what if this Nathan guy is seriously up in my room? With utter careful steps I make my way inside the house. My mom and Flippy have already left. Should I call my dad to go upstairs with me?

Just to be safe I grab an umbrella on my way upstairs and hold it in front of me as a weapon when I reach the door to the guest room. The door is left ajar and when I carefully push it open, I peek inside.

"H-hello?"

First I see no one but when I let my eyes wander around, I spot a person standing outside on the small balcony. My heart starts pounding and my lips form into a grin that is probably bigger than the earth.

With slow steps I cross the room because I'm not quite sure if I'm imagining things. When I reach the balcony door I knock softly on the frame because I don't want to startle her. Santana turns around when she hears the noise. Her face lights up and something between a laugh and a gasp escapes her lips.

"Britt!" She exhales and makes two quick steps towards me. Slender arms wrap around my neck. Her body gets pressed into mine. I drop the umbrella to hold her just as tightly, still not believing that she's here.

"Santana what are you doing here? I thought you were coming tomorrow!" I gasp when I stumble back into the room.

Santana only holds on tighter, giggling into my neck. Warm lips press a couple kisses there before she pulls back and I get to look into her eyes. They're beaming in such a pretty brown…

"Hi" She breathes. Then she leans in and our lips meet for a kiss.

"Hi" I reply breathless. Is this really happening?

I blink at her several times.

"You're not hallucinating… I'm here." As if she could read my thoughts she whispers while her hands cup my face. Another kiss gets pressed to my nose and my forehead.

"But you wrote me a message that said you can't wait to come here. _Tomorrow_…" I mumble and can feel the pink shade creeping over my cheeks.

"That was a little white lie in order to make it a surprise." She grins.

I shake my head slowly because this is like Christmas, birthdays and New Years eve all together. I hide my face in the crook of her neck because I need to inhale her scent to fully believe it. Without having to use too much strength, I lift her up and her legs wrap around my waist.

"What are you doing, silly?" Santana laughs when I walk backwards towards my bed. She squeals when I fall down on it and Santana lands on top of me, straddling my thighs.

"I missed you _so _much." I mumble into her hair. Something tickles my eyelashes. It feels like a teardrop that wants to escape. "That's the best surprise ever." I add with a soft whimper, too overwhelmed. I knew I was going to see her tomorrow but to have her in my arms today and knowing that I won't have to fall asleep alone tonight is just…

"Britt" Santana whispers when she props herself on her elbow. She pushes a strand of hair out of my face. "Is this ok? Should I not have surprised you?" She asks worriedly when she sees the teardrop in the corner of my eye, rolling over my temple and disappearing in my hair.

"No!" I gasp with a chuckle. "Of course it's ok! I just… I was looking forward so much to seeing you again and now you're here. Thank you for driving all the way although you should be home reading books and studying."

"Pshh no word about books as long as I'm here. I don't want to do anything but kiss and cuddle you."

"All weekend long? Our lips are going to be so sore."

"Don't care…" She mutters while looking down at me longingly. "I really missed you. Especially your face."

I grin sheepishly when I let my fingers trail up her bare arms. She's wearing a loose top and I can see the straps of her blue bra underneath. Her skin looks sun kissed although she's only been here a couple minutes. It's unbelievable how quickly she catches a tan. Maybe I'm also just imagining it.

"I missed your warm hug." I counter when she sinks back down on me, her lips finding access to my skin.

"And I missed your scent."

I chuckle when I sense her nose on my neck.

"And I really missed your kisses." I mumble, loving the little back and forth game.

"Your hair" She responds when her fingers play with my hair on the pillow.

"Your awesome body." I push up into her to make my point.

"Thanks… your laugh."

"Your eyes…"

"Your hands on my butt." She says with raspy chuckle. I swear I didn't put my hands there and have no idea how they ended up on her ass.

"Oh sorry" I say with fake regret but let my hands stay there.

"That's really ok. I don't mind at all." Santana lets me know with a kiss to my jaw. Her hips gently rock against mine and I can't help the soft sigh that sounds from my lips. "I swear I'd take you right here and now if I wasn't all sweaty and sticky after driving for four hours in a car without aircon."

I almost choke on my own spit at Santana's bold mouth. She's always been one to speak what's on her mind but that's seriously… I cough and can feel the heat in my face.

"Too forward?" She grins bashfully when she lifts her head to look at my crimson face. "Sorry… Got bit horny on the way over here knowing I'd see you again."

I can't hold back the laugh at Santana's honest and very amusing words.

"I take that as a compliment" I reply with a shaky voice. "And I'm sure you have noticed that I'm all sweaty and sticky, too. I've been working in the garden and the sun was burning down on me."

Santana's eyes wander over my upper body.

"Well I'm not going to ask you to take a shower together because I know your parents are somewhere around the house but… maybe we can cuddle some more once we've both freshened up? Four weeks away from you have gotten me bit clingy."

I grin before leaning up to peck her lips.

"That's fine with me… you can shower first if you like, I'll just get you a towel. You can use my shampoo and shower gel."

Santana nods with a smile, then she climbs off me. With a groan I get up from the bed, too and lead her out of my room towards the bathroom.

Before she closes the door to take a shower, Santana steps close to me once more and wraps an arm around my neck.

"I'm really glad you asked me to come over." She says with a soft voice that makes me melt and blush all over again. Seriously she could say anything to me and I'd react like this.

I don't know why but I love the fact that she's bit smaller than me and how she looks up into my eyes before straightening her back to kiss my cheek.

"See you in a bit and then you have to tell me everything about your stay so far, ok?"

"While we're making out in bed?" I ask with a wink of my eye.

"Absolutely"

We both chuckle sheepishly before she steps away from me and disappears inside the bathroom.

With steps as light as a feather and my heart still jumping excitedly I make my way back to the guestroom.

Best day ever…

* * *

It's five in the afternoon when Santana and I descend the stairs to get down to the kitchen. After we both had taken a shower we spent the next two hours under the covers of my bed with our limbs entangled and our fingers playing with each other's hair and skin.

Suddenly Santana was not so bold anymore about wanting to sleep with each other right then and there. Instead she was safe in my arms and wordlessly let her eyes wander over my face. She was trembling slightly when I let my finger run over her eyebrows and down her nose to her lips.

It was another one of our firsts. Just lying there in the daylight and studying each other's faces and getting lost in endless glances. If I hadn't know that my mom would very soon call for dinner, I would have stayed in bed with Santana all night long.

"Wait" Santana whispers just before we're about to enter the kitchen. She looks down at our hands which are entwined. "Does your mom know about… I mean that you and I… sort of…"

I smirk when I see the insecurity in her voice. Santana once met my parents early in our friendship when they came to see my restaurant.

"My parents and I have been doing lots of talking in the past couple weeks. Mostly about the restaurant and what I'm going to do to make sure I won't get so exhausted anymore. But my mom also wanted to know about my love life and after a glass of wine or two I told her that I like a girl…"

My eyes meet Santana's. She doesn't look shocked or scared. Maybe a bit surprised.

"Wow, you told her? What did she say?"

I shrug softly because there isn't much to explain.

"My parents have always been very open and accepting. When my sister Chloe dated a guy who was ten years older, they still welcomed him with open arms because he was such a good guy. It didn't work out though and now she's engaged to this lovely man who's from France and my mom adores the crap out of him. When I told her about you, she asked if I was happy and if I can be myself around you."

Santana's eyes widen a bit and she bites her bottom lip.

"And… can you?" She wants to know.

I nod because yes. If there is one person in the world who makes me feel completely at ease, it's Santana.

She smiles satisfied and points to the kitchen.

"Alright then. I'd love to properly say hi to your mom. When she let me up to your room I had to hurry because I didn't want you to see or hear me."

I get nervous when I think about what I'm going to do now. When I introduced my first boyfriend to my parents, they were all cool about it and even let him stay over. My dad brought a spare mattress up to my room to make sure we weren't going to sleep in the same bed but they still showed me that they accepted the person I was with.

I know that they don't have a problem about me liking a girl but now it's different. I'm not fifteen anymore. Maybe they'll ask weird questions like how Santana and I plan to afford a life together.

I swallow because what if Santana never ever wants to go that far?

Her dark eyes are right in front of mine when she leans up to press a kiss to my lips.

"Let's do this." She whispers with a squeeze to my hand.

I nod encouraged and guide her into the kitchen.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

Brittany's mother laughs wholeheartedly when I tell them that I forgot to add cheese to the sauce when I tried to make spaghetti carbonara the other day. We're making it for dinner right at this moment because Brittany knows how much I love it and that I'm super hungry after driving all the way here.

"But sweetie the grated cheese is probably the most important ingredient for this sauce! How could you forget?" Bridget asks with another chuckle.

Now I know where Brittany got her funny giggles from.

"I guess I wasn't paying enough attention whenever Brittany cooked it for me and my friends." I admit with a shrug. Brittany grins at me over her shoulder. She's standing by the stove to stir the sauce in a pan.

"Well well probably you were too busy checking out my daughter, I assume." Brittany's mother states while cutting some strawberries for the fruit salad we'll be having for dessert.

"Mom please" Brittany mumbles through gritted teeth. I try to suppress laughter.

These two are so much alike. The faces, the hair and even their voices.

"That's ok" I say and wink at Brittany. "Your mom might be right."

Brittany smirks before approaching me with a spoon in her hand.

"Try… is it better than your carbonara accident?" She guides the spoon to my lips. When I taste the sauce, I close my eyes and hum my approval.

"Wow that's seriously the best thing I've ever tasted. Sheer genius…"

I can see Brittany's mom smiling from the corner of my eye.

"Wait till your sister sees you two together, Brittany." Bridget mumbles while cutting the strawberries. "She'll be like: _Who spilled the maple syrup? My shoes are sticking to the floor from all the sweetness._"

Brittany laughs at what I assume to be Bridget's imitation of her second daughter.

"I can't wait to see her tomorrow. The house will be so crowded." Brittany says.

"Only for a couple hours. Chloe and her fiancé are coming to pick me and Brittany's dad up." Bridget explains to me. "We're finally meeting the parents of Lucien as they travelled all the way here from France. We'll have a nice dinner together and spend the night at their hotel, too so we can take them to places they want to see in the morning. Which means that you girls will be alone for the rest of the weekend. That's not a problem though, is it?"

I smile at Brittany who shakes her head at her mother's question.

Nope… that's not a problem at all.

* * *

After a lovely dinner outside in the garden together with Brittany's parents and Flippy the dog between my feet, I'm now standing by the ocean. The water keeps hitting my shins and the air smells so good here. I wish I could be here every night. The ocean makes me feel calm and relaxed.

"Good boy! Want me to throw it again, huh? Ok, watch out!"

I turn around and grin when I see Brittany throwing a ball as far away as she can. Flippy runs after it, looking pretty clumsy.

It's already getting darker as the sun is slowly setting but Brittany and the dog are still fit and jumpy. She laughs when Flippy chases the ball and brings it to me this time.

Usually I'm not a big fan of pets. Rachel's dog Ryan is so boring and annoying at the same time but this little guy is the cutest thing ever. He's only a couple months old.

"One more time ok?" I say and pick up the ball. Flippy already sprints away when I pretend to throw it but keep it behind my back.

"Aww Santana that's mean!" Brittany giggles when we both watch how Flippy looks everywhere and starts digging in the sand.

"Flippy flips out!" She pouts and she's right. He gets all desperate when he can't find the ball so I throw it towards him.

I reach out for Brittany's wrist to pull her close. She squeals because she wasn't expecting it and puts her arms around my neck.

"Flippy flips out, huh?" I giggle when Brittany bites her lip. She grins, too and nods with a sparkle in her eye.

Now that the sun has almost disappeared, it's getting fresh outside. When Brittany's smile fades, I can feel her tremble in my embrace.

Once again we're gazing into each other's eyes and it's almost bit scary how easily I get lost in hers. She's like a magnet. I get drawn to her. As if we were always meant to be…

"There's no other place I'd want to be." I whisper against her cheek. It's nothing but the truth. I think she could make everything feel like home to me.

"Not even if you could go to the North Pole?" Brittany asks softly and catches me off guard.

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"The North Pole… It's the place you want to go so badly." Brittany explains as if she's talking about the weather.

"Yeah I know but… how do you remember? I think I only mentioned that once."

Brittany nods.

"The first time we had girls night at my place we talked about places we want to see. Rachel and Quinn said something usual such as Spain or Africa. But you… you said you want to go to the North Pole one day so badly. You couldn't explain why. You just dreamed of seeing the North Pole."

My lips part because I can't believe Brittany remembers.

"I still do…" I mumble.

That night Quinn and Rachel laughed at my weird desire to go to one of the coldest places on earth. They didn't understand how I could want to go somewhere and freeze my ass off. They even suggested I should sit in the freezer for a while to make my desire go away.

"I'd love to go there with you." Brittany says while gently grabbing the collar of my shirt.

"You would?" I breathe.

"Mhm" Brittany hums in agreement and pulls me close until our lips are humming against each other. "I'd keep you warm with my monster hugs and we could make soup in our igloo."

I smile against her lips while my heart flutters.

"We could also watch the polar lights while cuddled up together." I whisper and happily return Brittany's kiss that she surprises me with.

It's a long and gentle kiss. I'm sure all the seagulls out there get jealous when they see us like this. Brittany's hands cup my jaw to hold my face where she wants it while I let my hands roam all over her hips and lower back.

I could kiss her for hours and I think we do. Because when we eventually break apart and look down to our feet, Flippy is lying there with his head resting on his paws and his eyes closed.

"Want to go back to the house?" Brittany asks when we let our foreheads rest against each other. "I could make us some hot chocolate and we could… watch a movie in bed. Or something…"

The way she says 'or something' makes my insides tingle because I do have an idea what she means.

I nod and take one of her hands into mine. Suddenly I'm incredibly nervous. I don't know why. But something about being here makes it all so much more special.

When we start walking I pull her hand up so she can put her arm around my shoulder. Flippy is leading the way with the ball in his mouth and when I put my free hand on Brittany's lower back, everything feels perfect.

Strangers passing by will think that we're together and that this is our dog. They probably think that we're heading back to our place where we'll get to spend the night in the same bed. They'll be jealous because they know we have something special. It's the thing that people search for and sometimes it takes ages to find it.

But tonight two people have found it and I'll make sure to never let it go.


	6. Part VI

**Chapter 16**

It's like my hands are glued to Brittany all the way back from the beach until we arrive at the cottage and enter the kitchen. Only when I see Brittany's dad sitting at the kitchen counter with a drink in his hand I let go of her because it feels bit weird to be all touchy inappropriately in front of her parents.

"Oh hey girls… I was just getting myself a nice glass of wine. The bottle's right next to the fridge if you'd like some, too." Then he gets up and walks towards Brittany to press a kiss to her check. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Remember not to sleep for too long in the morning if you want to say hi to your sister Chloe before we leave, ok?"

Brittany nods and smiles when her dad squeezes my shoulder before disappearing in the hallway.

"So…" Brittany hums when it's just the two of us in the kitchen. She grabs the bottle of wine on her way over to step close in front of me. Her blue eyes flicker up to mine and her lips curl into a seductive smile. "Do you happen to like red wine?" She asks.

I bite my lip because I do. I also like the way Brittany's free hand takes mine or how she pulls me with her when I nod to confirm her question.

Once we're upstairs and enter the guest room, Brittany hands me one of the glasses that she also got from the kitchen and pours some wine into them. She puts the bottle down on a small desk in the corner then grabs her iPod. With a smirk she puts on some nice song and approaches me elegantly.

I chuckle when she clinks our glasses.

"To your successful surprise visit." She whispers before I lean in to kiss her cheek. She looks so good tonight. Ever since we made out by the beach I can't _not_ kiss her.

I'm seriously crazy about her.

We both take a sip of our wine. When it goes down my throat I watch how Brittany throws a quick look towards the bed, then back at me.

"Do you wanna-" She gets interrupted by a knock on the door. "Sorry" She chuckles.

With quick steps she crosses the room to open the door. Mr. Pierce is standing there with a mattress under his arm.

"Hey honey, sorry to disturb but I just figured that Santana doesn't even have a mattress to sleep on." I watch how he ushers Brittany to the side so he can push the mattress inside the room.

"Dad this is an air mattress" Brittany states with a frown. "My bed is big enough for me and S-"

"And it's already blown up!" Her dad says with a laugh when he points to the mattress that is now on the floor. "There's some blanket and pillows in the closet, Santana. Just help yourself, ok?"

I nod when Brittany's dad looks back and forth between me and the mattress, completely unaffected by Brittany's attempt to explain that she and I can both sleep in her bed.

"Great. Thanks, Mr. Pierce." I say hastily when Brittany just gazes at her dad.

"Please call me John, Santana. Sleep well you two." Just when he's about to close the door, he turns around once more. "Bye!"

Brittany and I both mumble a bye and wave awkwardly. When he's gone I try to not laugh.

"Oh God…" Brittany whines hiding her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry. My dad can be so embarrassing. When I was younger he did that all the time whenever I brought a boyfriend over to spend the night."

I laugh when she shakes her head and slumps down on her bed.

"That's ok. He was trying to protect you from wandering teenaged boys' hands in the middle of the night." I try to cheer up the mood.

"But we're adults now! What does he think we were going to do? It's not like you can get me pregnant. I'm surprised he didn't drop off some condoms with that mattress just in case."

I snort with laughter while putting my glass down on the desk. I sit down next to Brittany.

"Well…" I mumble and lean in to whisper into her ear. "It's not like we _weren't_ going to do anything." I press a soft kiss to her jaw before pulling back to check her face.

Her hands grip the sheets on both sides of her thighs.

"No?" She breathes when I lean in for another kiss to her cheek and the side of her neck.

"No" I hum against her skin which tastes so lovely. "By the beach you said we could watch a movie but you're not going to be able to focus on the content because I was going to kiss you all the time."

"Yeah?" Brittany's voice is just a raspy sound.

"Mhm… everywhere."

By the way Brittany's throat moves when she swallows thickly, I'd say she gets what I'm implying. I wonder if it's too forward.

I mean we've done stuff. Brittany's not the first girl I've slept - I think I'm sort of experienced. I think.

But Brittany's told me how I'm the first girl she's been with so I'm pretty sure that she has never been kissed _everywhere. _At least not by a woman and I mean please… there's gotta be a difference.

"Ev-…everywhere?" Brittany asks with a whisper.

I nod and cup her face to make her look into my eyes. When she does, my heart skips a beat.

"Only if you want me to of course." I add. Brittany's cheeks look deep red. I quickly kiss her face to show her that she doesn't have to be shy or embarrassed about anything.

She turns her body even closer to mine and soon her lips find mine for a warm kiss. Her hand gets lost in my hair while I let mine run up and down her thigh.

"Sounds good" She says huskily once our lips part for a couple seconds.

"Yeah?" I want to make sure because I'd never want to push her for something she's not ready for.

"Yeah"

Our kisses become deeper and more meaningful and when I find myself being pushed down against the covers, I pull Brittany on top of me.

I can feel the thuds of her heart beating against my ribs when I let my hands wander up and down her lower back.

"But…" She supports herself on her elbows to get a proper look at me. "My parents are right down the hall and… I mean… it's kind of…" Brittany trails off when I lift my head to kiss her again.

"It doesn't have to be tonight." I whisper when I cup her cheeks. "Whenever you want to." The meaning behind those words paint another pink shade on Brittany's face while her eyes search mine.

"Tomorrow" She breathes with a hint of hope in her voice.

"Yeah…." I agree and with a swift motion I flip our position so I'm on top of her. I squeeze myself between her thighs which happens to be one of my favorite positions to just kiss and giggle with her.

Because whenever I'm lying on top of her she bends her knees to hold me close with her thighs. Her hands wander all over my back and shoulders and underneath my shirt even. Meanwhile I can just admire her eyes. Because her eyes are really stunning.

I remember the first time I noticed the color of her eyes. It was not the first day we met. It was a couple days later when Brittany, Quinn and I went to get ice cream on a warm summer evening. Somehow the setting sun hit Brittany's face just at the right angle because her eyes where literally shining. I remember how I said "Holy crap your eyes are crazy blue right now, Brittany." She laughed and kept licking her eyes cream while I kept glancing back at her eyes and hoped that she would look at me again just so I could believe it. I thought it was insane to have such blue eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks softly. I chuckle because I know I zoned out for a while.

"Your crazy blue eyes." I answer. "You sure you don't have night vision or something?"

Brittany narrows her eyes so I can hardly see them anymore.

"Aww, don't… they're way too pretty to hide." We both grin when Brittany opens them again.

When my arms get tired from supporting my weight, I sink down and let my head rest on Brittany's chest. Her heartbeat is fast and vivid.

"You nervous? Cause your heart's beating super fast." I mumble. Brittany's thighs squeeze my sides when she speaks up.

"No wonder when you talk about my eyes and stuff." She says playfully.

I could do this all night.

"Good… also you're extremely comfortable to lie on, did I ever tell you that? Like seriously…"

Brittany's chest vibrates with laughter.

"You mean even more comfortable than that blow-up mattress my dad gave you?"

I groan in frustration because do I seriously have to sleep on that thing?

"I think anything is more comfortable than that."

I push myself up so I can look down at the mattress right next to Brittany's bed.

"Do you think your dad will come check up on us to see if we're really sleeping in separate beds?" I wonder.

Brittany shrugs when I roll off. We both get up to inspect the mattress and test if it's soft or not.

"I guess I won't die from sleeping on it for one night." I grumble eventually.

Brittany pouts when I open the closet to get a blanket and a pillow to sleep on.

"Maybe it's for the best anyway." Brittany states when I spread the blanket. "I don't think I could sleep for one minute with you right by my side, knowing that you want to kiss me." I knit my eyebrows together in confusion. "Everywhere" She adds to make me understand.

"Oh" I grin and scratch my neck. Suddenly my throat feels all dry and it's getting kind of warm in this room.

Brittany stumbles into the corner of the bed when she steps backwards. Sheepishly she grins at me before grabbing a t-shirt and some shorts that were lying on the bed.

"I'll quickly go brush my teeth and get changed. Maybe there's a good movie on later?" She suggests. I nod when I watch her cross the room.

When I'm alone I let my hands run through my hair. I have no idea how I'm supposed to survive this night on this crappy mattress, knowing that Brittany's just two steps away.

"Long night ahead…" I mumble to myself. I go through the travel bag I brought along to change into my sleeping clothes, too and get my tooth brush. I'm kind of glad she went to the bathroom to get changed because if she was here right now, taking off all her cothes… my thoughts get interrupted when Brittany steps back into the room wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Blue. Like the eyes.

"Sorry, forgot my scrunchie." She says with a smile.

With my mouth hanging open I watch how she gracefully hops to her nightstand. It's almost unfair how nice her body is to look at. To look at and to cover with kisses, kisses, kisses-

"Be right back!" She singsongs before leaving me alone once more.

A loud sigh or maybe a moan even leaves my lungs when I collapse on Brittany's bed.

"_Long_ night…"

* * *

"San?..."

"Mhm"

"San!" Brittany hisses under her breath.

"What?"

"Are you asleep?"

"No?"

"Ok"

"Why?"

I can hear a rustling noise and a couple seconds later I feel a hand reaching into my hair. I shudder because it's all dark in Brittany's room. The movie we watched was scary. We watched in Brittany's bed, sitting against the headboard with a distance between our bodies in case Brittany's dad came in. When the movie ended we said goodnight reluctantly because neither wanted to sleep, let alone sleep in different beds.

"Is that you?"

"...Yes"

"I was just thinking… my dad's probably fast asleep."

"U-huh?"

"Yeah so you can totally come sleep in my bed if you want. Besides we're adults. That means we can do whatever we want."

"But it's his house. His house, his rules" I whisper into the darkness. Brittany's hand is still on top of my head. I picture how she's hanging over the edge of her mattress.

"Santana, please… come up here. That thing you're lying on can't be good for your back."

As a matter of fact my back's already starting to ache a bit and my skin is sticking to the plastic everywhere.

"But won't he kick me out if he sees me in your bed? Ow!"

Brittany pulls my hair so I don't have a choice but to actually get up and climb into her bed. She pulls the blanket up to my shoulders.

"You're such a rebel." I whisper against her cheek.

"If it means we can cuddle…"

Sleepily our fingers find each other under the sheets.

"Wow that mattress feels so much better." I sigh happily while playing with her thumb. "I love it when you're being a rebel."

"I know, right?" Brittany chuckles with a yawn.

I don't know who falls asleep first but I know one thing; ever since Brittany and I have slept in the same bed for the first time, I don't want to fall asleep any where else…

* * *

**The next day… Brittany's POV…**

To watch my sister's face when I told her about Santana was priceless. If there is a straightest person on earth, it'll have to be my sister. Her fiancé Lucien looks like a freaking Hugo Boss model and when we were teenagers she loved to gossip about boys for hours and hours.

So when my sister arrived at my parents' cottage today and she introduced me to Lucien, she also gave Santana a hug to greet her. They have maybe seen each other twice on a birthday party or when my sister came to visit me at my restaurant.

But when we were alone in the kitchen a little while later, I told her the reason behind Santana's presence here. I could see Chloe's world fall into hundreds of pieces when she found out that I have fallen for Santana. My friend. Who's a girl.

Chloe started stuttering when she tried to ask questions about how I could suddenly be attracted to girls. "B-but what about boy talk? I wanted to be your maid of honor at your fairytale wedding!" She sobbed into my shirt when she hugged me out of nowhere.

She can be such a drama queen sometimes but today she was acting absolutely crazy. For a minute she got angry at Santana for stealing me away from the hetero world but when Santana joined us in the kitchen and shyly stepped next to me, Chloe's lips started trembling again.

"I have to say now that you two are standing next to each other like this… you're… you look like you're freaking soul mates or something." Santana and I were just standing next to each other and I don't know how Chloe could see the soul mates at that moment but Santana winked at me with a smile. Chloe pulled both of us in for a squeezing hug where Santana and I just looked at each other confusedly on either side of Chloe's head.

When she confessed that she's pregnant five minutes later, everything started to make sense. All the emotional outbursts.

I almost broke into tears, too because my sister is having a baby and in about six months I'll be an aunt. My mom and dad almost had a heart attack all together when they heard the news. Once they calmed down, all of us gathered for a group hug in the middle of the kitchen.

Having Santana there with me made me happy in a special way. It felt so natural. As if she could easily become a part of this family, too. My mother held her in her arms while she was still recovering from the baby shock and Santana handed her a paper tissue to wipe away the happy tears.

Now Lucien, Chloe, Santana and I are strolling through a small market to get the ingredients for a nice lunch before they're all leaving to meet Lucien's parents. While my sister and her fiancé are buying vegetables for ratatouille, Santana and I inspect some fruits for the dessert.

"And you're sure that fondue can also be eaten for dessert?" Santana asks insecurely with a banana in her hands.

"Yes I'm sure. Don't worry there won't be any cheese in it. Have you never had chocolate fondue? We'll be dipping pieces of fruits into hot melted chocolate. It's only the best thing I've ever tasted. We need strawberries, grapes, apples..."

Once I have paid for the fruits I tell Santana to close her eyes. When she does so I guide a strawberry up to her lips.

"Oh wow they are so sweet." She sighs when she bites into it.

"Now dip that into chocolate first and it'll almost be like an orgasm…" I mumble into Santana's ear. She coughs awkwardly. The blush on her cheeks is adorable.

A couple months ago I would have never dared to even dream of being the one to make Santana blush. I never imagined that one day I could be the one to make her feel butterflies or to kiss her to sleep or to touch her where only lovers touch.

Maybe I longed for it… but I never thought it would happen. Now her breath already hitches when I lean in and my lips brush against her cheek.

"Brittany… don't talk about orgasms while we're in a public place surrounded by other people." She says with a funny grin, scratching her forehead. Then she clears her throat and blows a stray of hair out of her face.

"Why? Do I embarrass you?" I want to know with a wink.

"No… you turn me on." Now it's my turn to blush. Especially when Santana's finger runs along my forearm to tease a little.

I think of words to counter but my sister Chloe appears next to us with so many carrots in her arms that we'll probably be able to feed a whole army.

"Ok what do we need next?" I mumble while thinking of the recipe I want to cook for lunch.

"How about that chocolate? To… dip the fruit?" Santana suggests and licks her lips.

Why does everything she says sound sexy in my head?

I roll my eyes because it's ridiculous how much I want to lean in and kiss her lips right now. She's got that power over me…

"Chocolate it is" I croak and lead the way through the market.

All I can think about lately is how Santana told me she wanted to kiss me _everywhere_ and how she and I will be all alone tonight. Alone in a cottage by the sea on a summer evening.

Pretty much my wildest fantasies but ok...

When Chloe puts an arm around my shoulders I quickly get rid of any kinds of erotic thoughts and instead listen to how she and Lucien are already thinking of baby names.

* * *

Lunch with my family, Lucien and Santana is lovely. I cook for all of them while Santana assists me in the kitchen. She cuts the vegetables, makes a salad sauce and keeps sneaking up behind my back to look over my shoulder at what I'm preparing at the stove. Whenever I give her a full spoon to let me know whether I need more spice, she closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"It's amazing" That's what she always says whenever she eats food I cook. I get compliments about my cooking all the time but when Santana says it, it means so much more.

After lunch we sit outside in the garden where we eat delicious chocolate fondue. Santana can't get enough after she was very skeptical in the beginning.

It's kind of sad to say goodbye to my sister later on. I hardly ever see her but she promises to come visit me at the restaurant before the wedding so we can talk about what kind of dress she wants me to wear as I am going to be her maid of honor. I can't wait to see her getting married. She has dreamed of that day all her life and I know she'll look gorgeous in a wedding dress and a growing belly.

Once my parents, Chloe and her fiancé are gone, Santana starts playing with Flippy in the garden.

"Can we please take him down to the beach again? He looks so cute when he plays by the water." She says dreamily. Since I can't resist that look, we quickly make our way down to the water on this beautiful day.

Flippy's starts playing with a branch while Santana and I share a towel to sit on.

She's been taking pictures of the ocean all afternoon and right now she's having fun with a new object in front of the lens – me.

"Ok now give me… sultry." She says trying to sound as professional as a photographer. I only have to laugh when I try to give her a sultry look. "Come on, Britt… I know you have those sexy looks somewhere."

"How do you know?"

"Oh I've seen them…"

"What? When?"

"Whenever you think about kissing me."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really"

Santana chuckles when I let my hands run through my hair and give her an extra seductive look.

"Exactly…" She mumbles while taking one picture after the other. "Ok now give me cute… like you don't actually have to do anything since you're always cute."

I laugh and playfully nudge Santana's arm. I smile into the camera which is not hard at all when Santana is sitting there with a big grin on her face while her eyes are focused on the screen of the camera.

"And now we have to take one together. Flippy, would you mind?" Santana looks at the dog expectantly, holding out the camera to him but he just continues biting the branch. "Oh well then…"

She scoots close to me and holds the camera right in front of our faces.

"Ready?" She asks when her finger positions on the button. "Say cheese, Brad."

Right before she pushes the button I turn my head to kiss her cheek. Apparently she had the very same idea and when the photo gets taken, our lips press softly against each other, both smiling into the kiss.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

We spend all afternoon by the beach, take pictures of each other, make a few steps into the water and play with Flippy until his tongue is hanging out. When it's already dark we head back to the cottage where we have another glass of that delicious wine on the balcony. Brittany's iPod plays a song by Lenny Kravitz that I have heard hundreds of times before but tonight it sounds extremely sexy and makes me want to dance with her.

Maybe it's because she's only wearing hot pants, a white top and because her hair is open and wavy. The sun's been good to her because her skin looks healthily tanned and I can tell she's been working out every single day. Her body has never looked better.

While I'm sitting in one of the comfortable chairs, I take a sip while studying Brittany.

How can someone move so utterly graceful and alluring? She's fascinating in every way. She throws a look over her shoulder to make sure I'm watching her. Even if I tried I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her hips move so skillfully while her arms go up into the air above her head. Her hand runs through her hair and I wish it was my hand. But I can't get up. It's like I'm glued to the chair. I just want to watch and enjoy.

One of her hands sneaks under her shirt and when it gets pushed up ever so slightly I get to see those toned abs and her perfect bellybutton.

Another sip of wine I feel like I'm in some freaking movie or something. How do I deserve this? People would pay to get to see what I am currently seeing.

She's perfection…

I swallow when she moves bit closer. Eventually she's right in front of me and takes the glass out of my hand. Before I can register what is happening, I find myself in what happens to be my deepest fantasy. A lap dance by a gorgeous woman who moves so outstandingly sexy that my breath gets taken away.

I want to touch her but it's too good. I'm scared I'll wake up from a dream if I move too much. And so I wordlessly watch how Brittany spreads my thighs, turns around and bends over. Painfully slow she comes back up and carefully sits down in my lap. She guides my hands to her front and helps me to take off her top.

At this moment I have fully forgotten that we are on a balcony. Whoever might watch – lucky them, I couldn't care less. We're facing the ocean anyway.

She rubs against my front while my hands roam over her abdomen and her thighs. I guess just watching without touching is impossible. I need to make sure this is really happening to me. I press my lips to the side of her neck and feel her pulse racing. She pushes herself up and turns around so she's facing me again. She straddles my thighs to grant me the perfect view on her chest which is still covered by a bra.

Her hands start wandering, too and when they cup my face, I get forced to look up into her eyes. There's that blue again that makes me want to get lost in it forever.

"Santana…" She whispers and rolls her body into mine. I can hear in her voice that she needs something. She craves something.

My hands run over the skin of her back. I let the clasp of her bra snap playfully.

"You are _so _incredibly sexy, Britt. It's not fair." I husk against her cheek.

Finally out lips crash together for a kiss that is hotter than fire. She moans into my mouth because I have squeezed a hand between our torsos and I cup her breast gently. Then desperately.

Her tongue enters my mouth while her hands grip my hair. My free arm cradles her upper body and pulls her into me. She moans again - I can't take it anymore.

I pat her thigh to show her that I want to get up. Hastily she stumbles back and grabs my hand to pull me up. I follow her across the balcony. When we get inside the dark bedroom, I grab Brittany's waist. Carefully I push her front against the nearest wall, pressing against her back. I put her hair out of the way so I can sloppily kiss her neck while my hand squeezes between her and the cold wall to grab one of her boobs.

Brittany's panting by now. When I push the bra up so I can cup her bare skin, she nearly collapses in my embrace.

"I can't believe how much I want this right now…" She husks and turns her head to the side so I can kiss her jaw once.

I'm talking before I know what I'm saying.

"How?"

Brittany's eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"What?" She asks insecurely. I swallow.

"How do you want me?" I clarify my question which causes Brittany's eyes to turn darker if that is possible.

She whimpers against my lips, my hands still cupping her gently.

"The way you said… earlier." She whispers against my cheek.

I hope we're both talking about the same thing because there is no way I can hold back now. I let one of my hands wander down her stomach and dip into her shorts and underwear.

She moans desperately into the dark, her knees giving in. I catch her with my free arm so I can touch her between her legs delicately. To tease a little. To get her worked up. It works. She closes her eyes, enjoying every move of my fingers. Almost a bit too much.

Quickly I pull my hand back to push Brittany towards the bed.

She collapses down on it and crawls to the middle. While I take off my own top and shorts, Brittany gets rid of her bra.

On all fours I climb onto the bed to straddle her waist. Happily she pulls me down for a kiss. Her lips are so soft and warm and craving. She sighs when I cup her breast again, only to guide my lips down and take her nipple into my mouth. Her body jolts, my heart races.

Her trembling fingers are fidgeting with the clasp of my bra and when she manages to open it, I sit up so she can pull it down my arms. We're both just wearing panties when I settle between her thighs once more. I have a feeling this is one of her favorite positions, too because she wraps her arms tightly around me and lets me kiss her for long minutes. Just our lips and our hearts beating.

She gasps when I detach my lips from her to start kissing down her throat and down between the valley of her breasts. Every inch of her stomach gets kissed by my lips, making Brittany tremble with want and need.

Some incomprehensible words leave her lips when my mouth reaches her hips. I kiss her perfectly shaped bones and play with the waistband of her underwear to see if she's as ready as I am.

When she doesn't stop me, I hook my thumbs under the waistband and pull her panties down her thighs. She's breathing so heavily when she spreads her legs and I get to see all of her. I settle comfortably on the mattress and press several kisses on her hips to make her feel at ease.

A desperate hand finds mine on her waist and she grabs it tightly. I look up to find her eyes already on mine. I pull her hand to my lips to kiss her palm softly. Her other hand pushes a strand of hair out of my face.

She holds her breath when I kiss her for the first time. I hold mine, too and when I breathe against her a couple seconds later, Brittany moans softly. She holds my hand so tightly when I press soft and wet kisses everywhere. Her stomach twitches when my tongue starts wandering around and she doesn't even try to muffle her moans.

My name sounds from her shaky lips. I can tell she's completely giving herself to me. Her back arches up while I caress her thigh and pelvis with my free hand. I enhance the rhythm with my tongue and lips and when I push inside of her, she gasps into the night.

Her body shakes and trembles with every stroke of my tongue and kiss of my lips. I could do this to her all night and longer but I know she's only going to last another minute or two. Her hand in my hair presses me closer against her. I know she needs more. So I guide my fingers to my lips to push inside her while I keep kissing her intensely.

Her moans and sighs turn even more desperate than before. When she comes a few seconds later, she sobs my name. I press my lips against her to make sure she gets what she needs until the last second. Only when her erratic breath starts to even out and her thighs relax by my side, I detach my lips and press kisses to her hips and stomach.

Slowly I kiss my way up until I reach her neck. She wraps her arms around my back and waits patiently until I arrive at her lips. She sighs into my mouth when I kiss her and caress her cheek.

"You're amazing" She whispers against my lips. "So amazing…"

I think she's the one who's amazing. Because who can dance like her and make my heart race like she does? Who makes me want to never let go and be with only her? Who makes me question everything I ever thought I loved and wanted?

Nobody…

She makes me do all these things.

"I'm…"

Brittany looks up into my eyes when our lips part. She waits for me to continue but my throat is so dry. I wet my lips and swallow. Then I try again.

"I'm yours, Britt." Her lips form into a smile before she closes her eyes and lifts her head to kiss my nose.

"No really… I'm yours. You don't have to be scared that all of this was just another experience for me." Brittany's eyes make me bolder. They give me all the courage I need. "I love you."

She holds her breath.

"I'm sorry it took me longer to say it out loud or to realize in the first place."

Brittany's eyes widen. Her fingers gently play with my hair.

"You love-"

"Yes… I love you, Britt."

She bites her bottom lip, then her smile grows wide.

"Well good… I already kind of thought so lately, you know. And it's really good because I love you, too." She breathes and cups my cheeks. "I must be the luckiest girl."

No, I must be. Because after all she wants me. She fought for me although she didn't know if it would be worth it, if it would work out.

Who can say that a beautiful girl has fought for you until she won? Not too many I guess. I'm the lucky one.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Brittany's POV…**

I don't look at the alarm clock when I got out of bed but it must be about five in the morning. My dry throat forces me to go down to the kitchen and get something to drink. While drinking from a water bottle I think back to the previous night. Which went on till early morning hours…

I know Santana will have to go back to college very soon and my heart literally aches at the thought. Because I won't go with her. Not yet… if I go back to work now everything will continue just like before I left. I can't even imagine myself in the kitchen of the restaurant right now. I get nervous and anxious when I think about it. I know I can't stay away from work forever because sooner or later I'll need the money since Rachel couldn't afford our flat on her own.

But I can't go back… my mom would probably chain me to the garden fence if I told her I wanted to go to work. She's been so worried about me and scared that I'll suffer even more if I jump right back into work.

But staying here while Santana goes home makes me sigh with an ache in my chest. We just found each other. What if she leaves and realizes that she was wrong about her feelings for me? Maybe if she and I aren't together physically then she'll realize that she doesn't actually need me.

"Hey…" A soft voice startles me. I turn around to find Santana standing by the entrance of the kitchen, wearing nothing but one of my shirts that I usually wear when I do work in the garden. It's actually a men's shirt but it happens to look extremely sexy on Santana. It's buttoned just below her chest, hiding her bare skin. The sleeves are too long and the shirt itself covers her slim waist.

"What are you doing all by yourself? It's like six in the morning." She says and leans against the doorframe.

I smile when I close the fridge. I let my eyes wander over her body. How I deserve to get to share my bed with such a hottie.

"I was thirsty… plus you kept stealing the blanket so I couldn't sleep."

Santana puts her hands on her waist.

"I did not! _You _did!"

I chuckle because it's true. When I woke up Santana was lying by my side completely nude while I was wrapped up in the covers feeling comfortably warm.

"I did?" I ask innocently while walking towards her. Santana crosses her arms in front of her chest.

When I'm right before her, I put my arms around her neck and inhale her scent. Her hair smells like my shampoo and her skin sun-kissed. No wonder since we spent so much time by the beach.

"I apologize" I whisper with a kiss to her temple.

Eventually Santana loosens her arms to wrap them around my waist.

"You shall be forgiven. Under one condition." I pull back a little to see her face. "Give me that bottle of water because I feel like I've been on a walk through the Sahara." She croaks and guides the bottle to her lips when I hand it to her.

I watch how she empties it in one go. She hiccups funnily once she puts the bottle down on the kitchen counter.

"Shoot" She says with her hand covering her mouth. Her voice makes a funny jump because of another hiccup.

I snort with laughter and when Santana laughs, too her hiccup only gets worse.

"S-stop! Don't make –… don't make me laugh!"

I bend over because I'm laughing that hard. I've never heard such a funny hiccup. It's what I imagine a smurf's hiccup to sound like.

"Britt seriously – it hurts! Oh my God… - ow…"

I wipe away a tear and try to still my laughter but when another silent moment gets interrupted by a loud hiccup, my body starts shaking once again.

"Very funny, haha!" Her voice cracks and she slaps her hand over her mouth. "Make it stop!"

"Like how?" I ask with laughter before I put my hands on her shoulders.

"I don't know! Startle me or something."

"Now? You'd be prepared if I tried to startle you. But try to think of three people with a bald head."

"What?" Santana exclaims and stares at me.

"If you think of something really hard, you'll forget about the hiccup. I swear it works."

Santana eyes me weirdly before turning around and making a step.

"Weird technique but I guess I can give it a try. So there's uncle George… and his twin brother Marcus-"

"WATCH OUT!"

"Fuck!" Santana touches her chest with her hand when I wrap my arms tightly around her from behind. "What the hell, Britt?"

"Got'cha"

"I thought you said it wouldn't work because I was prepared."

"Guess you weren't…"

"Because you made me think of _bald_ people."

"I'm that clever."

Santana exhales a shaky breath and then chuckles softly.

"Good job… but I'm not sure it's over. It feels like I have to hiccup again any second."

I bury my face in her hair while thinking of something else to make it go away. Her body jerks again but this time it's because my hand presses against her stomach. Somehow it has made its way under her shirt and rubs her bare skin.

With my other hand I push her hair away and start kissing her neck. Because when she did that to me last night, I got turned on so badly I was almost embarrassed about it.

She sighs when I start sucking her neck and let my hand wander up and down her stomach never quite reaching her breasts or the waistband of her panties.

"Does… does that help, too?" She asks with a whimper and reaches into my hair as she's got nothing else to hold on to.

"Maybe" I whisper. To find out, I guide my hand down between her thighs to cup her over her underwear. I watch how her eyes close and her mouth opens silently. She gasps and covers my hand with her own to press it harder against her. I can't describe how sexy Santana looks when something turns her on.

"Can't stand"

"What?" I whisper into her ear.

"I… I can't stand anymore." She gasps when my hand starts moving against her painfully slow.

"You want me to stop?" I ask while kissing her neck.

"No I… _physically_ can't stand." She gasps when I wrap my free arm tightly around her front to make sure she won't sink to the floor. I push her forward against the kitchen counter so she can support herself.

I rock my hips against her while guiding my fingers into her underwear. Thank God we're alone in this house because the moan that escapes her lungs fills the room. She's desperate and needy and I've got her literally in the palm of my hand. I pull her shirt down her right shoulder so I can kiss her bare skin. I show mercy by sliding my fingers easily into her from behind.

A couple months ago I had no idea how to please a girl. I thought I wasn't going to be good at it although I kept imagining it in my head. But this… I don't even have to try hard and Santana is panting and desperately gripping my hand. She turns her head and cups my cheek to guide our mouths together for a kiss. It's a rather sloppy one though because she can't keep quiet and eventually she just lets her head rest against my neck and enjoys with her eyes closed.

I push into her faster while my lips press against the hot skin on her shoulder, our bodies moving in sync. I could easily do this for hours… but Santana seems to be getting close when she starts gasping "babe" and "oh God".

I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from marking her with several hickeys and just watch the side of her face instead. Our bodies are trembling against each other and she's hot and sticky under my touches. Then she holds her breath for a second, her lips parted, her eyes shut.

I hold her tightly and safe in my embrace when she starts jerking and her orgasm jolts through her body. I close my eyes at the overwhelming feeling. She moans and grabs my face once more to kiss me on the lips. When she does so my heart aches at how much she makes me feel.

"I love you" She whispers between two heavy pants and keeps our faces close together so her words tickle my cheek.

Soft moans and breaths make me open my eyes. She's completely limp and exhausted in my arms. When I pull my hand out of her underwear she turns around and wraps her arms around my neck. She leans into me and sighs contently against my lips.

"Say it again…" I mumble because hearing it once isn't enough. I have dreamed for so long for Santana to say those words because I thought it would never happen. I need to hear them again.

"I love you" She breathes when one of her hand cups my face. When I open my eyes they get locked with Santana's dark ones. They're almost black.

I absorb the prettiness of her face.

"I love you, too" I whisper. "I wanna show you something."

Santana tilts her head to the side.

"What's that?" She wants to know. I kiss her shoulder once more and pull her shirt back in place. I take one of her hands into mine and guide her upstairs to our room.

Instead of going back into bed I pull her outside to the balcony.

"Oh my God, wow…" Santana gasps and points at the ocean.

The sun is only rising up. It throws an incredible light on the surface of the water. I grab one of the blankets we left outside yesterday and walk up to Santana who's already standing by the railing. A gentle breeze hits the side of her face.

Her smile widens when I wrap the blanket around my shoulders and open my arms to take her in for an embrace. She leans back against the railing and pulls me close to her, our bodies fitting perfectly together. Her hands make soft movements on my back while my lips play with her neck.

We stand there until the sun starts tickling our faces and it becomes too warm to cuddle under the blanket. She pulls it down my shoulders and starts kissing my cheeks while pushing me back towards the bedroom.

"What you did in the kitchen totally helped my hiccup." She whispers when we step inside.

"I know. But it's not like I have a hiccup, too."

Santana quickly makes me stop talking by pulling my face in for a long kiss.

"Making sure it won't start in the first place then…" She husks before pushing me down on the bed and jumping on top of me right after.

"You're right, it's always best to be safe." I gasp when she attacks my neck and chest with hot lips.

She spoils me with passionate kisses and meaningful touches all morning until we both collapse on the mattress with exhaustion and our legs entangled.

"I don't wanna go back" Santana whispers when we're both lying on our stomachs with her hand on my naked back.

There's sadness in her voice and eyes because she must know that it'll take me a while until I follow her back home.

"I don't want you to leave, either." I reply softly.

"I'll flunk all my classes if I don't though. My professors hate me already." She mumbles. "But I just want to stay here with you and make love from early morning hours till midnight and fall asleep in your bed every night." She looks at me longingly while her fingers play on my skin. "Wanna go to the beach with Flippy every day and watch you guys swimming in the water… and your family is so cute."

I scoot closer so I can spoon her side and kiss her forehead.

"We can come back here. Once I feel good again and I have figured out what I'm going to do with my future, you and I can come back here and just…" I trail off because I don't know what we'd be doing.

"I don't want to finish my studies" Santana whimpers suddenly and hides her head in the crook of my neck. "I hate it so much." She sniffles when I let my hand run through her hair.

I always knew Santana was unhappy with what she's been doing. I know she's smart and intelligent and could easily get that lawyers degree in no time if she really wanted to. But I can't imagine Santana actually sitting in an office all day, wearing a tight skirt and blazer and working till late at night. It's so not her…

She should do something that asks all of her. Not just her clever mind and her quick-wittedness. She needs to work with her body and her voice and her pretty face. Something that fulfills her.

Because I know she can sing. She thinks I don't know but I have heard her sing. And she can act. I know how much she envies Rachel for doing everything she can to make it on Broadway one day and I don't doubt that Rachel will make it eventually. She's fighting for it and doing crappy jobs until she's got enough money to move to the big apple. But Santana is too scared.

She's scared to disappoint her parents and scared of the possibility to fail. I _know_ her…

"You don't have to do it, Santana. I know you're unhappy." I whisper into her hair. She holds on to me tighter and softly cries in my embrace.

"Maybe we can…" I start and take a deep breath. "Maybe we can help each other finding what we truly want."

Santana pulls back and looks up at me with teary eyes.

"I want you" She says weakly.

Quickly I lean in and press my lips to hers with a promise.

"And I want you. I'm not letting you go… I was talking about our future. Our jobs…"

Santana wipes away her tears and supports herself on her elbow.

"You don't want to be a chef anymore?" She asks carefully. "You're so good at it."

"I guess…" I agree. But it was never something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. "But I'm not happy, either. You know it."

Santana nods and cups my face with her hand. She pulls me close to kiss me gently. Within seconds it turns more passionate and yearning.

Something just made me feels even closer to her. Maybe it's the fact that we both have secretly been dreaming of bigger things and just never found the courage to talk to someone about them. Maybe it's the fact that I'm so in love with her.

"I just want to go where you go." I whisper between deep kisses.

Santana nods hastily, her arms wrapping around my torso and pulling me on top of her.

"Me, too." She sighs. Her hands get lost in my hair and my eyes get lost in hers. We both lean in at the same time until we're kissing with even more trust and desire than the night before.

I don't know where the future will take us and what it is that we need to feel complete. But this… this is already a very good start.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Santana's POV…**

"So uhm… there's something I've been meaning to ask you" I speak up after Brittany and I have been sitting at the kitchen counter eating waffles and croissants for long and silent minutes.

Brittany looks up with an encouraging nod.

"You don't have to answer. But I when I woke up this morning I felt like... I mean... do you think we're now together- like do you? I figured since we both said that we _want_ to be with each other and that we…" I trail off because I don't know if this is going in the right direction. Does Brittany even want this?

"Santana… I'd say after all that we've been doing in the past couple weeks and especially this weekend that we're… _dating. _As is yes. We're together. Unless you don't want-"

"I do" I reach across the counter to put my hand on top of hers. A rush of butterflies makes my chest vibrate.

We're dating.

Like officially.

She cups the back of my neck to guide our mouths together for a kiss that will stop us from talking. Our lips move against each other with perfect ease and my heart is close to bursting with the warmest sensation.

* * *

We spend the day at the beach and in the ocean splashing water towards each other or taking turns at rubbing sun cream on our backs, as well as licking ice cream or drinking fancy self-made cocktails. Flippy keeps lying down on the sand right in front of us and shows us his tummy demonstratively to make us ruffle his fur.

We steal kisses all the time, hold hands like young school girls while strolling through a supermarket, throw loving glances and hum satisfied when we lie down on a blanket in the garden, late in the afternoon.

She lets her head rest against my chest when we look up into the slowly turning pink sky. Her hand plays with the hem of my shirt.

"Britt… I don't want to say goodbye." I sigh with a squeeze to her shoulder. In about an hour I'll have to pack my things and make my way back to college.

"Me neither. But your professors won't wait for you and I don't want to be responsible for the lack of knowledge in your next exam."

I close my eyes and press a kiss to Brittany's temple.

"I don't even care about all that anymore. I'd be happy to drop out of college. Then I'd be forced to look for a job and do something with my life."

Brittany wraps her arm around my stomach to hold me gently.

"You have to think about it really carefully, ok? Don't rush into anything. Before you do something like quitting college, you have to be absolutely sure and be aware of the consequences. I mean you have come pretty far."

"Yeah but even thinking about the upcoming lectures makes me want to hide in a basement."

"I know… I just want you to be sure. It's your future after all."

She supports herself on her elbow and looks at me worriedly. I smile at her to make the concerns go away but Brittany just shakes her head slowly.

"I hate seeing you like this. Unhappy…" She says and puts a strand of hair behind my ear.

"It's not that bad, Britt. I'll figure out what to do eventually. I just need to think about it properly and maybe talk to my parents about everything. If I knew that they were ok with me not becoming a lawyer then maybe it'd be easier for me to actually change my plans. But you don't have to worry about it. Make sure you come back all well and healthy."

"But if there is anything I can do let me know, ok?" She asks.

"Ok. Same for you. I'll help you with anything you choose to do. Whether you go back to the restaurant or stay here or look for a new job. I'll support it."

Brittany smiles softly with a nod.

"Thank you. I won't stay here forever though. I'd miss you too much."

I chuckle and grab the back of her neck to pull her in for another long kiss. We both whisper 'I love you' between our lips and feel our hearts beating in our chests. This weekend could not have been any more perfect. I hate that it's coming to an end so soon. I swear the days pass faster when we're together.

* * *

With my bags packed and loaded into the trunk of my car I step close to Brittany and put my arms around her neck. She's leaning against the car in the driveway, her hands settle on my hips.

"Will you text me as soon as you get there? And text me again before you go to sleep? And again in the morning before class? Between classes?" Brittany asks with her forehead resting against mine.

My eyes are closed when I nod with a chuckle.

"I'll even text you _during _class. And you call me if you need anything ok? Anything…"

Brittany kisses me sweetly, her hands running up and down my back. A soft sigh escapes my lips when I cup her cheeks and our tongues meet each other which makes the kiss about a hundred times more intense.

Only when I need air to breathe I push her back gently to take her in for a tight hug instead. We stand there for many minutes.

When I get into the car later, Brittany bends down to kiss me one last time through the opened window.

"Bye love" I whisper and feel my heart vibrate at the term I just used.

Brittany grins widely but also wipes away a tear in the corner of her eye. I'd make a joke about us being the biggest saps on earth if I didn't feel like crying myself. Then I start the engine and drive off, looking at Brittany's blurry reflection in the inside mirror.

* * *

_**Two weeks later…**_

"Dad… please try to understand. I'm not doing this to cross the plans you had for me. I'm doing this because I need to listen to _my_ heart."

"Your heart? That is unprofessional Santana! It is not the time to make jokes and try out different things. You're playing with your future! Do you want to end up like your great aunt Frida? Remember how I told you the story about how she went to Los Angeles to become a famous actress and then she became a drug addict and lived on the-"

"On the streets! Yes dad I remember because you keep telling that story whenever anybody talks about their dreams of becoming an actor or something like that. But you know what? People actually make it! It's not that unrealistic to make money by doing what you love most."

"Really?" My dad raises his eyebrows. We've been sitting in a Café for the past ten minutes and discussing about how wrong it would be to quit college and about how much it doesn't fulfill me.

"Are you seriously that naïve, Santana? Out of all the young people who move to big cities every single year maybe _one _of them makes it to the business as a professional. And by professional I don't mean dancing on a pole!"

"Dad!"

He's got his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes filled with disbelief.

I called my parents the other day to tell them about what's been going on with me and how unhappy I've been with my studies. I told them how I'm thinking about quitting everything and moving to another city to give my secret dreams a chance. I also told them that I am torn about doing it because I have Brittany now and could never just leave her behind, knowing that she's got the restaurant and how she could easily fall back into that state of desperation and exhaustion without any help.

My dad made all the way from Lima to New Haven to knock some sense into me but as usual we cannot have a conversation without disagreeing on pretty much everything we talk about.

"You know mom at least lets me make my own decisions. She's not happy about it, either but she would never stop me from doing what I truly want." I mumble with a tired shrug of my shoulder.

"Your mother wants you to find a decent job just as much as me. But she thinks that you need to make your own mistakes to realize that you need to stop dreaming. I think it is a waste of time Santana!"

Tears are stinging in my eyes when I realize that it is even worse than I thought. I thought that my dad would be disappointed in me but eventually he would accept the fact that I don't want to become a lawyer and that he'd try to support me with the dreams I have. Knowing that he just wants me to be happy would already mean so much.

"I'm sorry you think that way then." I say with a voice that is trembling but also strong. "But I will not change my decision. I've got an appointment tomorrow afternoon where I'll quit all my classes."

"And what do you think will happen afterwards? Where are you going to live? What money is going to pay for the apartment you don't even have?" My dad stares at me as if I have completely lost my mind. "If you think I will come up for the rent-"

"No dad… actually I have it figured out but I'm tired of explaining myself. Tell mom she doesn't have to worry, I'll be fine. If you're interested in knowing where I live and what I do, call me and maybe we can meet up again. Right now I'm just tired of everything…" I look up into my dad's face once more. "Bye dad"

When I turn around I hear him say: "Santana we love you but you might regret this one day!"

And I… I just keep walking.

* * *

_**Weeks later…**_

"Kurt! I need number five, seven and twelve! Number five wants fries instead of rice and number twelve just a small order. She's an old lady so make it tiny because it looks like she'll fall off that chair any minute. Oh and the guy from table one wants me to let you know that the chocolate mousse was like heaven."

Kurt grins at me when I look up from the small notepad in my hand.

"Look at you, Miss Lopez. You're doing your job as if you own the freaking place. Are you having fun?" He asks while flipping an pancake in a pan.

I shrug with a smirk. Truth is; I haven't had that much fun in forever. Yeah, working at the Hummel restaurant is beyond exhausting. I feel like I walk several miles during a shift and my back hurts so badly when I get home and fall into bed. But for the first time in at least two years I feel like I'm doing something that will get me somewhere. Tomorrow I'll get my first paycheck as I have been _officially_ working for one Kurt Hummel fulltime.

"As a matter of fact, Kurt, yes I am having fun. I can't thank you enough for letting me work here."

"Oh please. I should have hired another waitress ages ago. Brittany's absence made me realize many things… as long as you're doing fine and not completely hating your job, you're more than welcome to stay."

I chuckle and shake my head.

"I absolutely don't hate it. But I really need my orders now. Don't forget the fries!" I singsong before leaving Kurt alone in the kitchen to get back to the front part where John, another waiter will teach me how to mix the most popular fruit cocktails.

My feet are already sore from running back and forth between the kitchen and the customers but the look at my watch lets me know that in about two hours we'll close up and I can go home and fall into bed.

Home…

It's weird that it already feels like home.

On the other hand it doesn't surprise me at all. Especially now that Berry is gone it will be heavenly quiet when I get back tonight.

Ugh I'll have to take Ryan on a walk before I can go to bed…

When I collide with a guest I get snapped out of my daydreams and apologize to the woman.

"Quinn!" I gasp when I realize it's her I'm holding in my arms.

We step away from each other and she bashfully puts a strand of her short hair behind her ear.

We haven't exactly been talking much. Not since I told her about how I definitely wanted to quit my studies and work at Kurt's restaurant while figuring out what to do with my life.

She was so mad at me for leaving her alone. We've been college roommates for three years and she's been one of my closest friends ever since. I know her in and out and we can talk about literally everything. I feel horrible for leaving her alone and that she'll have to share our dorm room with God knows who.

She's not actually _mad_ at me for quitting college. But I know she's sad.

"Hey…" She says with a quick look into my eyes. "I know you're very busy and don't have time to talk. I just came over to tell you that… that I'm sorry for the way I reacted when you told me about your plans. And that I miss you."

I bite my bottom lip because I've been missing Quinn, too. Everything happened _so _fast. The past four weeks felt like four years. It's all changing and turning upside down while I'm in the middle of everything.

Without Brittany…

We've been talking on the phone daily and she even wanted to come here to help me move my stuff out of my college room but I told her to stay at her parents' house.

She was more than happy to offer her apartment where I can stay. Even Rachel was ok with it as long as I will go for walks with the dog and read through a musical scripts with her before she left.

She's in New York now… fighting for her dreams. She took all the money she's got and just left. There was no party goodbye and no dramatic or tearful hug when I brought her to the station. We've never been close but still it was weird.

She's been a part of our clique ever since the beginning. I don't understand how our other friends haven't been making a big fuss about Rachel's departure. I guess it's because they all think she'll be back sooner than she can say 'Barbra Streisand' twice in a row.

They don't think she'll make it on Broadway. Just like my dad…

But I have a feeling we won't see Rachel again so soon. And the fact that I seem to be the only one who's kind of sad about it, is more than confusing.

I'm not missing Rachel Berry, am I?

A warm hand squeezes mine.

Quinn.

"I'd love to go for drinks or something this weekend. I hate that we haven't been talking. Would you want to?"

I squeeze her hand back with a nod.

"Of course. I'm sorry, too Quinn. It's been a crazy month. Let's go out on Friday, ok?" I suggest. Quinn seems relieved and she leans in for a quick hug.

"I'll let you get back to work now." She mumbles before turning around. I watch how she leaves the restaurant, not without turning around once more to grin at me.

I startle when I feel my pocket vibrate and although I should take care of the guests, I reach into the pocket and pull out my mobile.

There's a text message with Brittany's name on top.

My heart starts racing.

_Brittany (9.01pm): I love you so much… can't wait to see you again. I'll be back soon._

A warm feeling settles in my chest. We've been texting sappy stuff back and forth all the time but this message makes me want to melt to the floor.

Does it mean that she might be back next week? Maybe just a couple more days until I can finally hold her in my arms again?

A month is nothing…

But in a world with Brittany it feels like so much more.

I don't have time to answer Brittany's text but it'll be the first thing I do when lock the restaurant behind my back. I offered Kurt to clean up the kitchen and close up afterwards because I know he has a midnight date. I know what it's like to be head over heels with someone so I told him he could leave once the guests are gone.

Quickly I let my phone disappear inside my pocket because someone just called me over to order dessert.

"What can I get you?" I ask when I step to the table and put on a happy smile.

And it's not even fake.

I'm genuinely happy.

* * *

Once I have emptied the dishwasher, cleaned up the sink and mopped the floor, I finally take off my apron and loosen the tight ponytail. My hair literally hurts.

But I feel good. Hard work feels freaking awesome sometimes.

I cup my cheeks with my hands and feel that I'm glowing. I could use a cold drink right now but I just want to go to sleep… maybe I'll take some iced tea into bed and watch some TV. And I guess Ryan can sleep next to me as I've been a bit lonely…

I turn off the lights and step out of the kitchen. When I'm about to walk towards the exit, I hear a noise.

"Hey"

My heart twitches painfully because it shocks me that much.

There just a few steps away stands Brittany. It's dark in the restaurant and quiet and empty. I'm not sure if I'm seeing things but she's standing there wearing blue jeans and a hoodie, her hair up in a bun.

"Bri-" I cough at the dryness in my throat. "Brittany"

Incredulously I start walking towards her. The closer I get, the bigger gets her smile.

"What… what's going on?" I ask when I reach her and grab her hands. "What are you doing here? Is everything ok? Are you ok?"

She just nods and looks down at a big bag next to her.

"I'm back" She whispers before wrapping her arms around my waist.

She lifts me up a couple inches and when warm lips press against my own, I start to believe it.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Brittany's POV…**

Her fingers are trembling slightly when she sits down right down in front of me at our favorite table next to the palm tree. Santana went to grab two glasses and some orange juice once our lips had parted after a long kiss and a tight hug that lasted for several minutes.

"So… are you really back for good? I actually don't have to go to bed alone tonight?" Santana asks while pouring each of us a glass of juice.

"You won't have to go to bed alone" I answer with a grin. "Unless you actually enjoy the size of my enormous bed all by yourself."

Santana shakes her head.

"No… it's been crazy lonely in there. I even let Ryan sleep next to it and you know how much I didn't like him at first."

"Aww. He doesn't bite the mattress anymore?" I want to know when I remember how Santana helped me carrying the new mattress into my bedroom after Ryan basically ate the old one.

"Nope. I've been spending lots of time with him and it turns out we're a good team."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Actually he learned how to shake paws."

"No way!" I exclaim because Rachel and I were never able to teach the dog any kinds of tricks. All he wants to do is play all day long.

Santana bites her bottom lip with a proud nod.

"He keeps me good company ever since Rachel left for New York." Santana goes on and my heart twitches painfully.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Rachel properly because she took the first best opportunity to move to the big apple. She lives with a cousin of hers who's got a smelly couch for her to sleep on.

But that's Rachel. She always wanted to go there and become a famous Broadway singer and now she's fighting for that dream even if it means she had to give up our nice little apartment and all her friends.

"You know we can go visit her, right? It's only about two hours to drive." Santana says softly and reaches across the table to put her hand on top of mine. "I know you miss her."

I look up into Santana's dark eyes. She's learned to read my face pretty well by now because it's true.

"I do, too" She adds. Now that makes me chuckle.

"You're trying to make me believe that you miss Rachel? _You_ miss Rachel Barbra Berry?" I mock her because Santana and Rachel are like cat and dog.

"Shut up…" Santana mumbles embarrassedly. "It's just extremely weird without having to listen to Funny Girl all the time. I hear a persistent noise in my head ever since her loud singing stopped."

"Are you comparing Rachel's singing to a tinnitus?" I ask with laughter. Santana just shrugs but can't hide a smirk.

My eyes wander to our connected hands and how her thumb keeps stroking my skin. It's crazy how much I missed such a simple touch.

"It wasn't the same without you, you know?" Santana's voice is soft and warm. "The restaurant… I mean the guy that Kurt hired is great but I always picture you standing there when I enter the kitchen to get my orders."

I smile at the thought of me cooking and being able to see Santana all the time in that cute apron and a ponytail.

"Then you should enter the kitchen very often during your shift tomorrow" I explain with a grin. "I'll be standing there when you get inside."

Santana's eyes widen.

"You start working tomorrow? Are… are you sure?" There's worry in her voice and I know what she's thinking.

"I talked to Kurt on the phone and he said I could come back whenever I want."

"But what if… what if nothing's changed? Britt I can't see you like that ever again. You were _so _tired and exhausted and-"

"It won't be the same, I promise." I squeeze her hand but she doesn't look convinced. "I'll only be working three days a week and Pablo will be there, too. I have saved some money so I won't have to worry about that for a while and… I have _you_ now. Everything is better."

Santana's expression softens. Then she leans across the table to cup my face and pull me close. She guides our lips together and sighs when I kiss back.

"Let's go home" She breathes between two kisses. She's got her eyes closed when she caresses my cheeks softly, her hands warm and needing more of me to hold on.

When she says the word 'home' I feel a rush of butterflies inside of me because my home is also her home now.

How come we went from being friends to falling in love to moving in together? How do I deserve so much?

"Please" A whisper sounds in my ear. Two seconds later I get pulled up to my feet. Santana drags me through the restaurant and I follow her blindly.

Once we're outside and make our way home on the sidewalk, I put my arm around her waist and feel her hand on my shoulder. This is exactly how it feels right. Me and her, side by side on our way home…

We haven't actually discussed it. Living together. But when she told me that she was definitely going to quit her studies and needed a place to stay, I didn't hesitate and offered her my apartment. I didn't really think about what that meant once I'd be back but now I'm quite aware of it. We're going to share a place to live.

As if she could read my thoughts she starts talking.

"Is it weird for you?" I look at her from the side. "Knowing that I stayed at your place?"

I smile and lean in to press a kiss to her temple. "Not weird… kind of surreal I guess. But in a good way." I explain.

Santana nods.

"Yeah me, too. But if you want me to look for another place to stay from now on, you have to tell me. It's _your _place after all and we never talked about moving in together. If this is too fast for you, I'll look for-"

"Santana… I'm not gonna ask you to move out now that I finally have you." I mumble against her cheek when we're reaching the apartment complex. We stop and turn to face each other.

Santana looks up at me with a shy smile.

"I'd be more than happy if you stayed. As long as you want." I whisper when I wrap my arms around her neck. "_If_ you want."

She chuckles and steps even closer to me.

"Of course I want to."

We both grin sheepishly before leaning in for a kiss to seal the deal.

"Are you tired from the trip?" Santana asks when we break away. She starts looking for the key in her purse.

"Uhm a little bit" I admit. "But I don't think I can sleep just yet. I kind of want to celebrate."

"What do you want to celebrate?" Santana wants to know when she opens the door.

"Us" I answer right away.

She turns to look at me and reaches for my hand.

"Good… I have an idea how we could celebrate that." She whispers and we exchange a knowing glance before she gently pulls me inside.

* * *

**Santana's POV…**

Brittany exhales a shaky breath once I guide her into the bedroom and close the door behind us. Ryan needs to stay outside because this is just for me and her…

"It feels so good to be back" Brittany mumbles when she takes off her jacket and throws it over a chair in the corner.

I watch how she looks around in the bedroom and her eyes fall onto the bed. A book I've been reading is placed on the pillow on the right side, while the left side of the bed looks untouched.

"You've been sleeping on my side of the bed?" Brittany asks when I step close to her.

"Yeah… it smelled like you." I explain with slight embarrassment in my voice.

But Brittany doesn't laugh at me or say I'm silly. She pushes my jacket down my shoulders and starts undressing me in the dim light of the small lamp on the bedside table.

I let her take off my waitress t-shirt, my black jeans and when I pull the scrunchy from my hair, I'm standing in front of her wearing nothing but underwear. Brittany looks down my body. With a smile she grabs the hem of her own shirt to pull it over her head.

Once she's stripped down to her underwear, she shivers standing in front of me. When she glances over my shoulder to the bed, I realize that I'm all sticky because I worked all evening and if I remember correctly, I haven't had a shower since last night. I feel the desperate need to take a shower before anything happens.

"Would you mind if I quickly took a shower? I feel kinda gross at the moment."

Brittany exhales a laugh and nods understandingly.

"Yeah I remember that feeling too well" She mutters and grins when I walk by her to get to the door.

"Will you wait for me?" I ask with a wink of the eye.

"Of course" Brittany replies with a promising look.

I bite my lip and when I'm almost out the door, I hear her voice again.

"Or…" She drags while approaching me. "I could come with you."

My lips part when she reaches behind her back and a moment later her bra slides down her arms and drops to the floor. I ogle at her half naked body stopping right in front of me.

"Unless you've got something to object" She grins but I quickly shake my head. With light steps Brittany brushes by to get to the bathroom.

"Not at all…" I mumble when I follow her and hastily get rid of my last pieces of clothing.

* * *

Gentle fingers draw patterns on my back which makes me hum contently. After a sinfully long shower we collapsed in bed, still bit out of breath because that shower turned out to be extremely… steamy.

It was a long time without being able to be close to Brittany, physically and emotionally. Countless nights did I lie awake imagining what it would be like to share this bed with her at the end of every day. A bit ashamed I also remember how I couldn't contain my longing sometimes and would touch myself under the sheets, my mind filled with memories and pictures of Brittany's beautiful body.

"Hey Britt?"

She lets her hand rest on my back and looks into my eyes. Our bodies are only covered by a thin sheet that goes up to our waists. It's way too warm to pull it up higher.

"When did you realize that you were falling in love with me?" My heart beats a little faster because I have wanted to ask her this question many times but never found the courage. "Like… when wasn't it just a crush anymore?"

Brittany shuffles a bit. A smile forms on her face. She looks up to the ceiling and I can tell she's thinking back to that time.

"Having a crush on you was really scary for me because it was the first time I admitted to myself that I was attracted to a girl in more than just a friendly way. But I found a way to deal with it. I knew nothing was ever going to happen because we were such close friends and I never wanted to risk that friendship. It was out of question that I'd ever tell you. Until you started seeing Kendra…"

Kendra's name sounds bitter in Brittany's voice and I instantly feel bad because I know that I wasn't exactly secretive about my fling with Kendra. There was a time where I thought she could become a part of our clique so I tried to make my friends get used to the fact that she and I were seeing each other.

I know that Quinn wasn't very fond of Kendra but I didn't even consider the fact that _Brittany_ might not be ok with her. Brittany never mentioned that she didn't like Kendra until that night outside of the club in the pouring rain.

"Whenever you said that you were going to hang out at Kendra's room to _study_… I almost bursted with jealousy." Brittany throws a quick glance at me and she looks embarrassed. "I felt silly for being jealous because you weren't my girlfriend or anything and you didn't even have a clue about my feelings but… I _so_ hated Kendra. I'm sorry." She chuckles at her words.

"So whenever I felt that jealousy, I knew that it couldn't be just a crush anymore. All I wanted was to grab you by the shoulders and tell you to your face that you should come to my place instead of hers."

I scoot closer to Brittany and spoon her side. I hate that I didn't know this back then.

"I wanted to tell you to forget about her and to open your eyes because…" She swallows and looks at my hand on her stomach. "I was there waiting for you to finally notice me. Which is stupid… It would have been a total surprise. A shocker."

I shake my head although I know she's probably right. The night Quinn told me that Brittany liked me more than just a friend was the scariest moment ever because I never thought that would happen to me. I always thought that friends are taboo. That you are already too close to them to cross those boundaries and that it would be freaking weird to kiss a friend, god forbid getting intimate with one.

And then Brittany changed everything…

"I'm so glad you found the courage to tell me, Britt. That's why we're here now. You have no idea how happy it makes me." I cup Brittany's cheek and pull her face close to mine.

I kiss her lips gently. She turns her body into mine and wraps her arm tightly around me.

"I fell for your eyes the first time I saw you" Brittany whispers against my lips. "And whenever you smiled at me or laughed at something I said, I fell for your face and the sound of your voice."

Brittany's words warm my insides. I hold her even tighter.

"And when I eventually realized all that, I allowed myself to fall for everything about you." She lets her finger run over my eyebrow and my nose. "Your humor… your kindness…"

She presses a kiss to my nose which makes me close my eyes. I feel so safe in her embrace. Nothing could hurt us right now… when I cup her cheek to guide our lips together, I stop for a moment.

"I love you, Britt" I whisper before kissing her. The kiss goes from soft to deep and heated within heartbeats. Because I want to show her that I mean it with everything I have. She brings true happiness into my life, something I didn't even know before.

She rolls on top of me, her weight pressing deliciously against my body. And when she cups my cheek to deepen our kiss, I sigh contently into her mouth. My hands wander all over her back when she starts rocking into me gently.

Brittany's lips are soft and warm against mine but when she starts kissing down my throat, they turn playful and bold. She presses kisses all over my collarbones and between my breasts until she's got me begging for more.

"Babe…" I pant and grab her face. "It's been way too long."

Brittany supports herself on her hands next to my head and chuckles a bit out of breath from all the kisses.

"Actually it's only been about thirty minutes since we did it in the shower" She says with a wink of the eye. "Did you already forget?" She grins before leaning down and pecking my lips.

I shake my head with a whine.

"No. But I mean thirty minutes are way too long to not get touched by you."

Brittany bites her bottom lip in a very sexy way and before I can say another word she crashes her lips against mine and a hand has sneaked between my legs. It takes my breath away in every sense. I have to grab her shoulders to hold on to.

Brittany touches me as if she's always known just how to make me lose control within minutes. How does she know my body so well after only such a short time where we've been sleeping together? Somehow our bodies fit perfectly and she makes me feel incredibly safe and loved while I'm lying underneath her.

I gasp when her fingers push inside me gently, her lips sucking on my neck. I can't control the way my nails dig into her skin or how my thighs squeeze her sides or how moans coming from my lungs fill the room.

It must be long past midnight but I feel alive and completely filled with love and ecstasy. Blue eyes bore into mine when I manage to look up into Brittany's face. It's like she can read my thoughts and feel what I'm feeling because her breath is uneven and fast.

"This is amazing" She whispers into my ear and kisses my cheek several times. I nod against her skin, feeling a release building somewhere deep inside me.

I focus on the way Brittany's body moves in a perfect rhythm, my hand settles on her chest where I can almost feel her heart beating hard. Waves of pleasure are slowly rising inside me and they keep coming with shorter gaps in between until I'm panting heavily, so close to falling apart.

Brittany's mouth hangs open when she looks down at me where I'm a trembling mess, desperately holding on to her.

"I…" I'm trying to tell her that I can't hold back any longer and that I need her to kiss me. I need her to kiss me so badly.

She nudges my cheek with her nose before pressing her lips hotly against it. Then they finally land on my mouth. She's so close to me when my climax overwhelms me completely.

I'm not sure if it's sweat or tears that's running over my temples but Brittany makes me forget about it in the next second by kissing me so deeply and still moving gently inside me. Long minutes pass where our limbs are just a tangled mess, skin sticking to each other.

When my breath evens out, I manage to get a clear view of Brittany's face above me. She's smiling down all content and happy.

"What?" I ask with a whisper because she's wearing _that_ look that makes me blush and all tingly inside.

Her eyes soften when she leans down to peck my lips.

"Watching you is pretty awesome." She mumbles.

"Really?"

"Yeah... incredible."

We get lost in each other's eyes for another while where we enjoy the other's presence and the feeling of being so close to the one you love.

* * *

**Epilogue…**

"Ready?"

"No"

"Come on! Open it already, babe. I can't wait any longer."

Brittany takes a deep breath before throwing a look at me from the side.

"What if we get robbed the first night we spend here?"

"Britt please! Don't scare me now!"

"But everyone knows we're new here and just moved in. Isn't that like an invitation or something?"

"No?" I stare at her in disbelief. How can she say something like that when we're about to sleep in our new apartment for the first time?

"Santana you've heard all the stories Rachel told us about living here."

"Brittany if you're having second thoughts about this then you're a little late."

The corner of her mouth goes up and then she's grinning at me. She grabs the hem of my shirt to pull me in and whispers against my lips.

"I'm just messing with you." She says with a soft laugh.

I hit her shoulder because for a minute I was a bit scared there but now that she's guiding the key to the look, I can't even be mad at her.

When she opens the door I want to step inside but Brittany has something else in mind. The next thing I know is how I get carried inside bridal style.

"Oh my God Brittany you're gonna break your back" I gasp when she kicks the door shut behind us.

"Don't worry babe" She mutters and kisses me on the lips while stumbling towards the couch in our small but cozy living room.

"What are we doing?" I ask between kisses and squeal when she drops me down on the couch only to land on top of me a second later.

"Having a housewarming party?" Brittany suggest while fumbling on the zipper or my shirt.

"Without…" I moan softly when Brittany's hand sneaks inside and cups one of my boobs. "Without any guests?"

Brittany squeezes gently and kisses up my jaw.

"_Definitely _no guests tonight" She breathes hotly against my skin.

With that she has me. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate a housewarming party on our first night in New York City.

* * *

It's early morning when I'm already standing in line at the small coffee shop right around the corner where we live. Brittany's still fast asleep so I thought I'd surprise her with breakfast in bed. Our first two months here in New York have been crazy and exhausting.

But so wonderful.

A year ago Brittany came back from her parents' cottage by the sea and we spent the most amazing six months living together in her apartment with Ryan. Me working as a waitress and Brittany cooking in the kitchen, both of us saving up the money for good use.

Because one night we decided to stay in instead of going out dancing with our friends and we got incredibly drunk on the living room couch, doing shots off each other's bodies and trying to create own cocktails. They were mostly gross but we created another idea that was crazy in the beginning and then became serious the more we joked about it.

"You know there's this school in New York called NYADA?" I slurred with my legs hanging over Brittany's thighs. "I've been emailing with Rachel sort of and she told me about this school that she's trying to get in because well… she still hasn't gotten a decent part in a decent play."

I don't remember too much about that talk but I know that I told Brittany about my secret dreams that I had developed about going to that school and living in New York.

A week later Brittany asked me to sit down at the kitchen table. There were pamphlets and documents about NYADA. Of course I had already seen them on the internet but just because I was curious and not because I thought I was seriously going to apply.

But Brittany apparently did think so. I can still recall the feeling of the painful lump inside my throat at the thought of leaving Brittany behind to follow my dreams in New York.

"Don't get me wrong" She said softly and pointed to the documents. "I'm not trying to get rid of you or something." She shrugged gently and a smile formed on her face. "I was thinking about joining you actually. My time at the Hummel restaurant was great and I'd miss Kurt a lot but you know that I was never comfortable with owning part of the restaurant and… a new challenge might be exactly what I need."

I can't describe what I was feeling at that moment. Something with the force of an earthquake and the positivity of a wedding proposal. Brittany's happy face and the hope inside my chest had me close to bursting. I literally jumped at her and covered her with kisses everywhere.

The next months I spent preparing for my audition and Brittany actually went to New York a couple times to talk to a friend of Rachel who was looking for a cook in his restaurant. It's ridiculous that she got the job and I got into NYADA. Rachel is now a close friend and well... I have to say I'm glad to have her here with me.

I still don't know how I deserve all of this. Maybe I got a Nobel Peace Prize in an earlier life and I'm now still enjoying the aftermaths of doing good deeds.

Maybe I'm just lucky.

All I know is that I don't want to be anywhere else with anyone else. It was hard to leave our friends behind. Quinn was so mad at us in the beginning and almost didn't come to our goodbye party. Eventually she came and celebrated with us.

I still pushed her away when she was supposed to kiss Brittany during a spin the bottle game. I have no idea who suggested the game but when I saw Quinn and Brittany getting dangerously close for a kiss on the lips, I lunged forward and pushed Quinn aside. I grabbed Brittany by the collar and kissed her in front of everyone to make clear that she was mine.

It was a good party but it also meant that it was time to say goodbye. I cried nonstop into Brittany's shoulder the following day. And then we just packed our things and came here.

I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. Brittany is my rock and I am hers.

It's a friendship that goes way beyond common interests and having a good time together. It's a partnership with deep romantic feelings _and_ the stability of a best friendship. I couldn't ask for more.

_fin_


End file.
